My Double Lung Transplant

Monday, June 29, 2009

Just a short post!

Meghann's been taken off the vent! She was extubated today and i read on facebook that she immediately grabbed for her phone - so the woman's gotta be feeling well!!! Hopefully she'll continue to improve now that she doesn't have the wretched tube!

And in other happy news, my dear friend Carol (who got listed 2 days before me, and who was going to do tequila shots with me at the end of April to 'celebrate' being listed for a year) GOT HER LUNGS ON FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was off the vent in 2 days and if she can keep her O2 sats up overnight they will remove her to recovery!

WOO HOO!!!! I'm so so so sooooooo happy to hear all of this!!! Hopefully, I'm next!!

Happy Monday!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I've decided make a scrapbook.

Not just any scrapbook, oh no. Little known pointless fact: i've kept every letter i've gotten in the mail from TGH since the very first one arrived. Every letter, detailing tests, appts, procedures, meetings, when i would have my evaluation, the evaluation package, x-rays, have been kept in a dusty space between my floor lamp and my night table.

After tx I will need something else to do other than read I suppose...and why not scrapbook (ie. pick a safe way to not lose all my shit) my adventure, so far, 2 years in the making? I think it's a brilliant idea and one that i honestly thought myself entirely above! I've never ventured into the scrapbooking world, though i know some that have. It will be exciting, time consuming, and probably angering at some points. I have this blog, I have my written diary, i have lots of momentos of my time waiting. And now all that has to come is the finishing act: The Transplant.


...Oh, and the recovery, and all the pain, and the side effects of meds, and water retention, and wondering if i made the right decision to get a tx, worrying if i'll end up fat and unattractive, and then to party like a rockstar (albeit safely!) when time permits.

So yes. Scrapbooking -in my head- seems like a good idea. We shall see if i actually do it...

...or get someone else to do it for me since I tend to be lazy when it comes to that kinda stuff.

Um what else? Well, the Vfend is a little better. I determined that yesterday's adventures vomitting were the result of mixed drugs: septra + zithro+Vfend= bad idea = wretching, dry heaving, and throwing up your much waited for sandwich. I determined that a healthy stomach is a happy stomach and have moved taking Vfend one hour after eating instead of taking it on an empty one.

So yes, isn't my life exciting?

What is exciting is all the planning i'm allowing myself to do for my life post tx. My dad asked me this the other day, and i told him honestly that i just want to do basic things, that the big things would come later but in the beginning i would relish being able to do even the smallest of tasks: like waking up and being able to go to the market on Sunday; not spend hours doing inhaled meds and waiting for them to take effect and the likes.

I can't wait for when I'm able to go out and enjoy myself! When the time comes I will go insane! I don't care if it's even rolling around in the grass at midnight in the park across the city to celebrate; I'll walk home b/c I can. I'll dance like a mad-woman and relish the tiredness that will follow, and i'll stay up and watch the sunrise just because i'm able to.

And best of all, I'll dance barefoot with my friends under the moonlight, because there will be no reason not to.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Side Effects

Contrary to popular beleifs, I am not impervious to suffering side effects from the copious amounts of meds i take.

Lesson #1 of the day: Vfend makes you violently ill.

The first indication that something wasn't right happened when i happily skipped out of the Ministry of Transportation office, after getting my liscence pic renewed. Why so happy? Well, you're not allowed to smile, and you can't show teeth either, but i managed to get away with a smirk!

So i skipped out of the office when i noticed that looking at brightness hurt. It hurt the way it does when you go to the eye docs and they dialate your pupils for 4 hours and you have to wear sunglasses. I thought it was just b/c it was really sunny. Silly me.

So i speed home, skip into the house, and the same dealio is going on. Only now, it's like in the winter when you've been glaring at snow, when you go into artificial light, things look funny. And it didn't go away. It was around this time that my stomach started feeling off...I had taken the med at 10:45, since you need to wait an hour before eating - and it was only 45 minutes after the fact. Within 20 minutes i couldn't look at shiney brightness; and within 45 i started vomitting all over the place.

Ok, so i exaggerate. I wasn't vomitting 'all over the place' but i threw up legitimately twice. And what sucks is that i have to be on this for 6 weeks. Since my stomach emptied itself of that poison Vfend (for our favourite star, aspergillus - am i spelling that right finally?), I was able to keep down the rest of my covetted sandwich and even some nuts.



Megs is doing well! Still on the vent but she's doing well. She's using her phone apparently so that's good! If the woman can text that she's gotta be good. Hoping the vent is taken off and the tubes come out and she can put those new lungs to work and make me jealous!

I'm still not liking the diskus but w/e. What can you do. Lungs are feeling shitty but i'm chalking it up to the aspergillus trying to kill them and hopefully - if i can keep this Vfend down - it will work? B/c clearly 6 weeks of itraconozole/Sporonox, IV meds, and pred, did nothing. Can they give you Vfend through IV if you can't stop from perpetual vomitting? Hmm...I wonder. Yesterday i had my monthly IV. I think i made a record: 5 attempts at finding a vein. They could get the needle in but it wouldn't even flush. My veins suck. When oh when will I get a picc or something?

What else? Um...oh yes, I had a breakdown and bawled my eyes out on the toilet the other night. No, i wasn't going, but i had just stepped out of the shower. Showers always make me think - it's where i come up with most of my ideas for what to blog about if we're to be honest. So yes, i came out of the shower, and the feeling like i'd be on the list forever consumed me, and i crumbled like a pile of bricks and bawled and huffed and puffed in a wet towel until i had no more energy.

And I think that's it. Hope the Vfend fairs better with me tonight! I have a horror movie to watch!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

When Something Stupid Throws You for a Loop

Puffer vs. Diskus.

Or, as i say it in my brain: Puffer: vs. Stupid Thing.

You see, I was thrown for a loop at the pharmacy (as always, eh?) when i picked up my meds and discovered that my Advair was no longer a puffer but a diskus. And not only was i supposed to take 1 puff instead of 2, i didn't have to shake it either. And scariest of all, my aeroChamber (didlo-like contraption that goes on end of puffer to deliver meds more directly to lungs), has been decomissioned for this fucking little bastard.

I do not like you Diskus. I never will. We cannot be friends. Please leave.

So needless to say, i threw a semi-shit fit since i was given this alien device. I've been on puffers for 23 years, why the change to this bubble tape-like looking creature? To make matters worse, i had to ask my sister - sister! - who's only an occasional asthmatic, how to use it.

And it's confused me:(

I want to kill it.

I want it to die and never set foot in my meds drawer again. I shall leave it out to rot and die and somehow, i will get my puffer back. This is too much for my simple brain to handle. After 23 years?? New lungs, yes; puffer to diskus? NO.


I'm not quite sure why i'm so anti-diskus. It seems like everybody's doing it apparently, why not me? Well no, i'd take a little more kindly to it had i been informed and shown how to use it properly instead of having it secretly shoved in a bag to be discovered upon my arrival back home.


In other news, Megs is still the same last i heard! Pray she is able to get weaned off the vent and woken up fully! She has some fluid around her lungs (which is normal) so pray that that goes away too!!!!

So that is all. I am thanking the weather for being most charitable, as it has provided ample opportunity for various assortments of men to go shirtless throughout the city, and has ultimately provided me with much to gawk at and oggle over. I thank you.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Hot Day and an Update

As far as I know, Megs is doing well! She went into surgery at 11:15 am on Sunday (June 21st)and came out after 6-7 hours - which would've been around 5 or 6pm. Surgery went well! They are starting to wean her off the vent and she can write a little bit but is still pretty drugged. Last I read, they were hoping to have her off the vent today! WAY TO GO MEGS! I CAN'T BELEIVE YOU DID IT! YOU ACTUALLY FRIGGING DID IT! YOU GOT YOUR TRANSPLANT! AHHHH!!!!!

So now I feel like i have no one to talk to on MSN who's on as much as I am, who's waiting for transplant:( I am starting to feel alone again in the transplant game. I really do feel like I will never get done now:( that I will just be waiting forever. *sigh*

But i'm not going to put a damper on things. It's gorgeous outside today - 31*C. It's humid so i'm tethered and in the house. It's ok. It was the same yesterday and i felt terrible so it's best that i'm inside! I had clinic yesterday and it was ok. Apparently, the Aspergillus is back and didn't go away at all. From my understanding you can't ever get rid of it, you merely treat the symptoms when they flare up, but those 6 weeks, thrice daily intakes of Itraconozole (Sporonox), and getting hospitalized and put on IV Cetafez and pred, did nothing to help it AT ALL. My CT showed no improvement from March to the one at the end of May (when i had my last clinic). As i result i had to drop of a present of lung goo off at the specimens lab after clinic yesterday and i was sent on my merry way home with dad, where i melted for 4 hours in a traffic jam. It was ok tho: i had my SPF 30 so i didn't sustain a sunburn in the car and dad and i chilled out to Oldies.

So that's about it, my friends. Pray for Megs; pray for me that I get my tx soon and can recover with Megs. Pray for the world and it's fossilized dinosaurs if you must.

Have a great day and enjoy the weather. IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER WEEEEEEEE! :)

Sunday, June 21, 2009






She got the call about 30 minutes ago. I found out from Victoria and will update from her as best as i can. Surgery is scheduled for 4am... I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP I'M TOO EXCITED!

Her blog can be read in my side bar.

Meghann, I just have to say that you're awesome possom - my fellow Bronchiectasis-er! I know we discussed that if either of us got the call before the other (which you have) that our first reaction would be jealousy, then rage, and then elation. Admittedly, i screamed with elation when i found out...i jumped, clapped my hands...and then I got jealous so don't worry. You know i still love you! I am praying that all goes well and you will come through like a total champ!!!!!

I will update as best as i can! PRAY THAT ALL GOES WELL!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

A Friday Lesson from "Fuck My Life"

This is why you check the dates on your meds...

"Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML"

I don't know what to say to that.

In other news: i am feeling better. I'm sorry for being such a whiney complainy bitch lately. I try not to complain so much (truely) but sometimes this life just catches up with you, and you realize that there is no way out - really.

So i'm making a conscious effort to not be such a miserable bitch, so yay!

Umm...I think that's it for today. I'm gonna go read The Tea Rose.


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Waiting List Ettiquette

For all intent purposes, I go to TGH Weds with absolutely no intentions of befriending any new people. If they try to approach me i try to ward them off with mean vibes or cough horrendously to scare them away. I cannot be bothered by the majority of them. They are not my people. My people are my people - not new people. There are only some exceptions.

Usually i swoop in on my evil wings to TGH on Weds, eye the new people, shoot daggers, and ignore them one svelt swoop of me. Usually, this is enough to scare them away and make new patients trepidatious of approaching me, which suits me fine. I'm not there to socialize with new people; i'm there to sit in my chair, be catered to by the physio people, and blatently ignore the new people who don't have any friends yet.

Cruel. But sometimes necessary.

I don't have anything personal against these newbies - not really. What i don't like is that I can pick up vibes from them (and it's not just me i've had others say the same) that are slightly competetive.

There is a standard spewl of questions and statements that usually accompanies a new set of newbies. They are as follows:

"How long have you been listed/waiting?"
"How long did they tell you to expect to wait?"
"Ugh, I feel so terrible"
"Just stay positive" *insert smack-offable smile here*
"I'm so sick all the time. I'm constantly on antibitics." (congratulations, so am i)
"I have this, this, and this..."

and most recently:

"What's your lung size?" (wtf?!)

The list goes on an on, but i'll control myself and refrain from making anymore newbie statements b/c it will most likely send me back into my angry little mood that i was in earlier today. A mood which i just got out of.

So anywho, yeah. Newbie statments. I know they're made out of sincerety (sometimes) but I just hate that once the newbie swoops in on its shiney new branch, that's when the competetion starts. Sure, go ahead, ask your questions, but be aware that we are judging you and that we do know that you're asking these questions so you can size yourself up to us, and that you secretly beleive you will get done before us.

*feels all good karma dissipate*

So what i'm saying, is that with being listed, there's a form of ettiquet that comes with it. Ask your questions but be legitimately sincere about it, that's all. If you say it in a snarky voice, we will not like you and will avoid you at all costs. Don't off the bat ask how long we've been waiting and so forth b/c it's a turn off. Don't delcare to me how 'sick' you are, how many antibiotics you've been on, and blah blah, b/c i'm pretty sure i can trump you on that any day. But alas, I don't. I keep my big fat mouth closed and keep to my corner.

And now that i've blogged and bitched and moaned I feel better, and cleansed. And i realize that this is a frustration that i've carried over from yesterday, that's been deeply embedded in my brain and almost invisible. And i realize that when i get bored, i turn into a bitch, and i analyze and appolgize too much for being a spaz...and i start to hate stupid new spazes at rehab.

Can you hear that? I beleive it's the sound of Hell flaming up beneath my feet to come and collect me....

Well now that my brain has been purged of all it's spiteful thoughts, i'm going to try and come up with a Protestant form of repenting...Which i'm sure will fail in epic proportions...But...i feel happy nonetheless.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Sign of the Crows

Many people have superstitions, whether they acknowledge them or not, or are even aware of them.

I myself, am superstitious. Not overly so, but enough that when persistent signs occur i tend to beleive them.

Like today for example. I am sitting outside in the gorgeous summer weather, reading my book, when all around me i hear birds chirping.

Soon enough however, that chirping turned to crowing. Most people beleive or feel that crows are a sign of bad luck, and death even (since after things dies, crows are felt to eat the souls of the the departed). And i vaguely recalled reading somewhere the more than one crow chirping meant that death was going to happen. And there were definitely more than one crow chirping. I looked to my right towards our pond, when i saw not one, but 2 crows, drinking from it.

Oh shite.

And despite the fact that these two noisey crows were in the pond, they weren't doing any harm. They were drinking and bathing and it was quite endearing to witness them take care of their basic needs.

Then a third crow started crowing. I looked up and saw it watching on from a tree across from the pond. Soon enough, all three began crowing. It was time for a random google search.

Luckily for me, good news was foretold. While one crow is thought to be bad, two is luck and three is health.

Ironic? Or am i just lucky?? . That's the link where i got the info. Quite interesting, whether you beleive in that stuff or not. You can see how our most basic expressions and cultural feelings derive from old wives tales.

What are your superstitions??

And for the record: it's 6 crows that mean death. I hope no one ever sees that many all at once!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

My name is Bree, and i am a bibliophile

Yes, bibliophile.

A bibliophile can be described as anyone who is addicted to reading and/or collecting books. 'Whoring' oneself was not part of the direct description but i fully beleive that at some point, it's going to have to make its way into the dictionary in order to fully encapsulate just how much this addiction afflicts people on a daily basis.

Thus far, I can only name one other individual who suffers from this affliction: Amy. Amy, whose blog you can actually read through a direct link in my side bar. I don't think she blogs as extensively as I do about being a book-addict but sooner or later, she's going to have to open up and be honest about it. So Amy, the cats out of the bag: the world knows you're a bookwhore like myself, and I'm sorry. Afterall, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. I acknowledged mine long ago; it's time for you to step up to the plate.

And while we're on the subject of my dear friend Amy, she can be partly to blame for today's excursion into Chapters.

I confessed this sin to Meghann, who automatically knew that i had whored myself without me even mentioning if i actually bought anything, or just outright embarassed myself while entranced in a sense of whoredom. I felt exposed and ashamed at hearing this from an outsider who wasn't even with me while i was on my kind-of ("I'm just looking") mission.

*cue dramatic music*

*grabs tissue to wipe away tears*

I whored myself, people. God, did i ever whore myself. I havent been in Chapters in who knows how long, and it felt soooooooooooooo gooooooooooooood. Right off the bat I found 2 books (side by side nonetheless) that i was looking for. I had a decision to make; afterall, i was only going to get one book. ONE. And it had to be cheap b/c i'm a cheap person. And speaking of cheap, that's the other thing i'm blaming for my step-back into this addiction: i got my bank statement and discovered I had way more money than i thought. This beautiful bank statement that spent days on the counter b/c i was so afraid to open it b/c i knew it would tell me that i was poor. But no, no! I opened it and it practically sang. Immediately, I knew where i had to go...

Ok, back to whoring myself. I found 2 books off the bat, that i had been pining for for a long time. And then - then - i found a 3rd. And even tho i had 3 and knew i couldn't get them all, i kept looking!

*wipes eyes as tears stream down face*

And then i got on the floor.

THE FLOOR! The stupid book space that meets the floor sometimes harbours treasures and in my greediness i got down on my knees and looked to see what the floor had to offer me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so ashamed, b/c i was completely oblivous to the fact that there were people around me. I felt like a rat, like some disgusting vermon that merely escaped being stepped on due to inexplicable behaviour in a public place.


So i stopped. I had to stop; I was out of breath for being in such a position for too long and my legs were sore. I put the one book away - Galway Bay - which was almost $30. I'll ask for that for my bday i determined. But i couldn't let go of The Winter Rose (thanks Amy, for throwing a monkey wrench into my reading list), and Into the Wilderness. I bought both, and thankfully, it came to the same price as what Galway Bay was combined. It was a good deal. But not good enough to overcome the fact that I had just publically shamed myself.

I started reading The Duchess yesterday. It's great, but Amy kept going on and on about The Tea Rose and the Winter Rose and all the wonderful sex and adventure and romance that i could only resist for so long. I was determined not to abandon my list and here i have, i've jumped ship.

Summer-time reading should consist of romance novels essentially. Not smutty ones - i am above smut (Chapters behaviour notwithstanding). So, seeing as i read Outlander 4 times last summer, I will embark on my summer-romance trend and read the Tea Rose and it's sequel, The Winter Rose, and then set myself on a downwards spiral into poverty by starting Into the Wilderness and somehow i will try to come up with funds to afford the 5 books that follow in its footsteps.

What have I done?


I need some chocolate.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Your own kind

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. Not so much about my own mortality (since it won't be expected for another 200 years or such - for real) but, i've been thinking about the people around me who have passed.

Seeing as i've lost a handful of friends since January -literally a handful - it's made my veiw of the world a lot different. It's made me wonder: why are those who suffer, made to suffer more? And what's shocking is that 3 of the 5 people who have passed, have had lung transplants already. Typically, we think that it shouldn't happen; that once transplant comes along, you're fixed, and no dying allowed.

Not off the bat anyways.

And in losing so many people, it's made me afraid to get close to my own kind. Yes, own kind. When i first was thrust into this business of lung transplant, I so desperately wanted to have someone - or someones, with whom i could connect - specifically young people. And it's those very people who i searched so long for who are passing away. And they've all been under the age of 25.

In that, you find yourself slowing withdrawing from your closest allies in this game. You think: what's the point in getting close with these people if they'll just get taken away? Why not just save myself some pain and keep at a distance? You think, why bother forging those bonds?

I've found myself thinking those thoughts but so often neglect to heed to them. In this business it's imperitive to allign yourself with others like yourself - your own kind. You learn who and what are worth your time; do you stick with the go-with-the-flow people like myself, the outwordly-complainers (i complain but i save it for you lucky people - YAY), or do you just remain antisocial?

It's tough, b/c those bonds you form with your own kind end up being the very ones that get you through the toughest shit. Unfortunately, if they get lost in the battlefield, they won't be there anymore to help you along the way. And so you must either retreat, or forge on and find others who havent made alliances.

Transplant is like war: it's a game of strategy. Those with the best strategies and the clearest minds are the ones who can dodge and make it through the toughest battles.

Most of the time.

And in losing so many friends to the same terrible monster, it makes you appreciate those that you have a lot more. Those who are in the battle with you; and the healthy ones who can only watch from the sidelines but cheer you on b/c they're awesome people. In this game, you're torn between normalicy and illness. You must find a balance and not linger on either side too long, lest you lose sight of things.

In losing so many people, the way i see the world has changed greatly. I appreciate so much b/c i know and understand what it's like to have some of the most beautiful things taken away from me. I've lived with, and without. I've had to rebuild my emotions after they've torn down, only to have them knocked over again. But through it all it shapes you and makes you who you are.

Is that what it means to be strong?

Who knows?

This has been too philosophical for a Friday, and i'm sorry. It's a gorgeous day out and it's made me reflexive (oh qualitative methods...thanks for the word that applies to so much). I went and visited Karyn this was good. It was sunny and warm and the sky was blue. It was peaceful and i was glad i got to spend a few moments alone with her undisturbed. I asked her to let me get my tx soon ( i hope she has some pull up there! is that sick to even wonder?). When i left i kissed my hand and touched her stone.

I miss her more than usual lately. I think it's b/c everyone is graduating uni this week?

Who knows. The lesson of this blog is simple: love your friends as much as possible; appreciate what you have and be thankful for what you don't. And know that at the end of it all, good will come. Sometimes you have to wait; and sometimes it's right in front of you, it's just a matter of knowing where to look.

Happy Friday. I'm off to eat some mac and cheese.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

And the winner is...


And not for annoying the absolute shit out of me. Oh no, quite the opposite: Barry wins the award for funniest outburst at rehab today.

I was sitting in my chair looking like i was doing weights (and who knows, i could have been. I just can't remember) when Barry walked up to the leg weights ...thing, and after standing for a long while declared to the person blocking his way: "Get out of my way, for fucks sake.."

It was such a statement, but he said it in said a friendly tone, that everyone within hearing distance laughed hysterically, even the person he was saying it to.

Overall, rehab was rehab. It didn't make the frootloops in my bowl shine or anything, but i went, i did, and i returned.

In other news, I've noticed the pain in my shoulder becomes really bad at night, and i've realized that instead of bitching and moaning about it like a horrible person, i should shut up about it. And that's when i realized that I had a ready solution for it: why not take a Tylenol 2 before bed?

I know, who knew? Why i never thought of this beforehand is beyond me, especially since it's such a simple solution. Only a moron like myself would fail to see the answer that's literally in front of their face. Oh well. I just took all my meds so I will wait a little while longer before taking a T2. Hopefully, it will allow me to sleep through the night like the big girl i am, and not wake up ever 4 hours in pain.

So yes. That's about it. I don't know what else to say.

Oh yes: Amy, i saw that you won a blog award. Don't think that i didn't. And don't think i'm not jealous b/c i am. I'll figure out how to win an award some day. Just you wait.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Stupid Dying Lungs

FUCK! I'm in so much back pain it's rediculous. I don't get why doctors never tell you that end-stage lung disease is a painful process. Maybe they think since you can expect to cough more, be more short of breath, and that simple tasks will be taken away from you, that they can leave a suprise element in there. So they neglect to tell you that towards the end of it you will be riddled with pain and thus dependent on things like Tylenol 2 everyday.

"SUPRISE! DYING LUNGS ARE PAINFUL! HAHAHAHAHA! We thought we'd save that special tidbit for you to discover on your own. Pretty good isn't it? You should've seen the look on your face when you realized it wouldn't go away! GOD IT'S SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best response everrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" least that's how i envision doctors - ok evil doctors.

In other news - nothing. I havent been reading much lately since i can't stay awake long enough to complete the task. I've been sleeping soooooooo much and yet the minute i open my book i soon drift off. Oh well what can you do?

I do have a task/question for you people!

1) Has anyone ever read the book series by Sara Donati? The first book is called Into the Wilderness and from what i've read about it, it's very Outlander-esqe (naughtiness included- yippee!).

2) If you've read it, was it good??

I'm getting bored of my collection. I'm only about 25% through. Either that or i'm just lazy. I have 70 pages left of Brief Gaudy Hour and i'm not motivated. My next book in line is The Duchess by Amanda Foreman. Has anyone read that? It's a biography and i hope it's good!

That's it. I'm sorry my entry's have been nothing but boring crap lately. Nothing exciting is happening in my realm - other than the fact that i used the slowcooker for the first time ever today to make a chicken stew.


I'm off to Toronto tomorrow for physio fun. Let's see who will succeed in annoying the shit out of me first. HERE'S GUESSING!


Saturday, June 6, 2009


I'm housebound today - like a cat - all b/c it's slightly humid outside. I woke up at 9am in horrendous pain from all the goo in my lungs so i had to clear it out instantly. Actually, i don't sleep through the night anymore b/c i wake up from lung pain at least 3-4 times a night, which also forces me to clear more lung goo out. If i sleep on one side too long eventually the ribs hurt so i must shift. So in that sense, my sleeping pattern becomes comparable to that of a new born.

But today, again, i'm housebound like a pet. I frolliced momentarily in the backyard long enough to snatch a branch of lilac from a neighbours overhanging bush b/c it was growing over our fence and was fair game in my eyes. That brief excercise of lifting my arm, wrestling with the stupid branch, and walking back to the deck, left me exhausted and i had to sit down on the iron chair and spend 5 minutes dying, clutching my sprig of lilac for dear life.

So it's mildly humid, yet i'm freezing cold. I'm exhausted too which i don't understand, seeing as i slept from 2-11:30am. Yes i woke up a few times but not long enough to disturb my sleep, i don't think. Oh well.

Other than that things are as they always are. I'm thinking i need to add a new tag label instead of always have 'listed, waiting'. I think 'complaining' should be another one, since that's all i seem to do and i sound like a miserable bitch.

Oh well. I am happy in my own right, but i'm becoming increasingly frustrated with waiting still. Blah. What can you do? In that respect, I continue to read myself silly.

I hope you're all well.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Squirrel Wars, my front porch, everyday from 3-4

Inititally, this entry was going to be called "Animal Discoveries", but the title i'm using sounds slightly more interesting and bonus points for everyone, it rhymes. We all end up happy in the end.

The other day i went to get the mail from the mail box, when i looked out the door window i was terrified to see a baby (or as i enjoy saying, 'bebe') squirrel latched to the bricks beside the mailbox. Said petite squirrel (or, 'that fucking little bastard' as my dad so fondly refered to him as) proceeded to jimmy up and down the length of that section of house for 45 minutes in search of whatever it was he was looking for. Bad news for my dad when i told him; 45 minutes of enjoyment for me when he didn't know.

Today, I was playing the piano when i received a terrifying fright. A mysterious shape loomed at the window - whose blind was down. Actually, it wasn't looming 'at' the window but rather, on the window. Quickly and stealthly, like .. something sleek and stealth - i sneaked up to the window, opened the blind, and brought it up. And what to my wandering eye should appear, but a little bebe squirrel latched on to the screen! At the sight of me he leapt off and onto the bricks, then onto the posts on the veranda.

I decided to name him Melvin.

As i realized that 'Melvin' was a great name for a squirrel, i stared intently at his cute little baby squirrel self. I wanted to cuddle him, and feed him cat food, but realized it was probably a bad idea since Melvin is rabid and most likely infested with fleas and other things. And as i was pondering such things I got another fright. A second bebe squirrel leapt up onto the window from underneath the ledge. This one, slightly bigger than Melvin, and grey. This grey squirrel - whom i've named Harris - stayed on the window ledge and stared back at me with his beady little black eyes. Harris turned out to be bolder than Melvin. Melvin decided to keep his distance and stayed on the veranda spokes. I, in the meantime, snatched my camera and got 15 photos of them.

Fuck my life.

In other animal discovery news, Zoey discovered that my concentrator has a humidifier on the front, and racked her brain over it on Sunday morning. She sat up on her back legs, big fat naked pot belly spilling over her back feet and providing a safe landing cushion for her -should she at some point fall over due an uneven distribution of weight - and watched in terror and awe as buddles repeatedly formed in the little bottle.

And that's really the extent of the excitement of my life at the moment.

Still waiting, still in pain, still feel shitty...but i've got my animal to amuse me.

How bizarre.