My Double Lung Transplant

Monday, August 31, 2009

Back in the T-dot

First things first: HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a massively insanely busy - but boring all at once - weekend, mum and i are once again safely ensconced at our place in the T-dot. I thought i had all these plans with friends this weekend but every single one ended up falling through so i didn't do anything. I did however, stay up till about 2:30 on Sat night talking on MSN Webcam with Megs and that was great! We had so many laughs and showed eachother our scars and it was great!!!!! My swelling has not occured in 2 days and the feet feel great and I am a happy lady!!!! As well, my pain is a little better, tho i have a spot of pain in my sternum at the moment. I really need to not carry things when i know i shouldn't. Even tho they are no where near 10 lbs i have to stop. I woke up convinced I was starving today and as a result had left over mac and cheese with ketchup at 9:30 am for breakfast with my meds. WHAT A HORRIBLE IDEA. I felt like utter shit for 4 hours and I was supposed to go grocery shopping with mum but all i wanted to do was nap. I tried to nap and all mum and my sister did was send me text msgs! I was a total bitch, but am feeling much better now!

Um what else? I still feel awful first thing in the morning. I'm just so sore and stiff and passes in an hour or so but still...i never thought i'd dread going to bed so much! But enough complaining already!

I have my first bronch tomorrow at 8am! Must be ther at 7:30 and no eating after midnight. I can only take my Cyclosporin with 'small sips of water' before my bronch and that is it. Weds I have only physio at 9am, then Thurs bloods, PFTs, physio, and Friday, x-ray, clinic, physio, HOME AGAIN and hopefully friends!

I can already feel myself feeling better than I did last week. I am moving around a lot easier, the pain is a lot less and i'm generally feeling more human.

As well, u may have noticed i changed the look once again. I am much happier with this look. It's happy: not dark and depressing. I also got a cute ticker which makes me happy too!!

I hope the font is easy to read.

I think that's it. Mum and I are having chilli for supper. I hope you're all well!!

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Anastomies: the place where the donor lungs are attached to me.

Yesterday was my first out-patient x-ray, and was the first time i received an x-ray while a)completely lucid; b)without vomitting; c) without being wheeled in stoned out of my mind; and d) able to follow the instructions when placed infront of the xray machine unlike last week where i couldn't keep my eyes open.

In my clinic appt yesterday, i was able to see the xray. It's not completely clear yet, as to be expected, but the doc was thrilled with how things are looking and said that i'm several weeks ahead of most people! I did have to go for an unscheduled CT scan afterwards, as they saw a small pocket of fluid outside the lungs in the middle. He said it's not common, but that it's not unheard of and definitely nothing to worry about too much, so that made mehappy!

I also had PFTs. My last PFTs were a week before tx and came out at a wonderful low of 21%. As of yesterday, 1 day shy of being 3 weeks post tx, i DOUBLED my numbers and came in at 45%!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS ELATED! And so was the PFT guy, and my doc! Even tho it's 45%, it's 45% i have NEVER had!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps up and down and doesn't get out of breath!*

But anywho, back to the title of this blog. Mum and I were sitting in clinic, i was excited for no real reason ( i spent half the morning stoned out of my mind on T2 b/c each day i get more sensation back and thus the pain is more intense) i was really happy, when my doc suggests we look at the xray. I was kind of concerned b/c it was a little fuzzy - which i was assured was normal being so close to being out of surgery and all - and he said everything looked great. I immediately noticed all the squiggly things in my lungs: the wire holding my sternum closed (thanks Cassie for informing me that they 'cranked' my chest open with a 'saw'), and saw where all the stitching and 'anastomies' are that attach the donor lungs to me. I thought there'd be 3 or 4, but no, there are SEVERAL and they look scary and painful and everytime i cough and get a jolt of pain all i can do is visualize one of these squiggly things holding me together. Ironically, it's not the external factor of being imminently ripped open at the seams that bother's the internal of falling apart and not knowing b/c i only have slight sensation.

But anywho...that's my irrational rationalization. My pain today has been a lot better and i've only taken T2 when i woke up, and then again at 7! Since it is cooling off earlier now (summer ripped us off this year!), i find i am more sensitive to cool weather. I can't shiver b/c it hurts my sternum, so i have to stay warm. Tonight it finally dawned on me to use a heating pad on my back and boy has that helped! Heating pad, plus Irish Breakfast Tea, plus Colin and Justin Home Heist on BBC, plus TLC, meds and MSN, and my nights been grand!

Slept great lastnight after a horrible Thurs night. Did i write about that? Maybe i should now. Thurs night was terrible. Jesus God. I went to bed at 10:30 thinking i'd get a good nights sleep. WOW was i wrong. With the incision being where it is, getting comfy in bed is hard b/c you can only sleep on your back and you can't sleep in any demented positions as i enjoy doing. You can't use your arms or stomach to move and you have to essentially crab walk your way off the mattress and onto the floor if you ever want to get out of bed. So i was laying there, miserable that i couldn't get comfy, when i stopped breathing.

I remember doing this in the ICU. I'd fall back into my old breathing habit of breathing with my stomach and then i'd just stop breathing. I had to remind myself to breathe with my lungs and now with my chest, and that i was totally fine and that my lungs were good and working well. I know it's psychological and that it's pretty normal to experience this, but it kept me up for a good 3 hours. I finally fell asleep and had a dream about an old fav 90's band and a bomb in a school, when i woke up again. I cracked and took some ventolin (which is allowed) and felt better, as it calmed me down. I turned my iPod on to help take my mind off my breathing and as a result i slept on and off but kept singing to my iPod for another 4 hours. I finally woke up at 3:50 and wrote in my journal, and had a snack, and took some T2. I subsequently spent the next 4 hours in a state of semi-conscious misery and spent the morning meandering the hospital incredibly high from all the T2 i had taken.

But alas, here I am, 2 days later in a much happier state!

Hope you're all well!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Laughter and Farts

I've been farting all day. I'm not gonna lie, and I'm sorry if that grosses ppl out but it feels nice to be able to finally do it since i've gotten feeling back in my stomach and i don't feel like i'm going to pop all the time. And it's not small ones either it's nice huge long ones that leave me in gales of laughter. And i laugh not just solely out of immaturity but b/c i can without being thrown into a huge coughing fit. I let out a nice one in the shower tonight, as i sat in the steaming water on my dignifying plastic shower chair. Jenna initially speculated that i had farted on tiles (when i informed her) and i made it clear that I did not in fact, fart on tile but rather plastic douced in water thus magnifying the ping of the fart and reverberating it throughout the realm of the bathroom.

And i couldn't stop laughing. And what made it better was that my mum was in the room and i knew it and neither of acknowledged it. So there i sat, slouched over, soaking wet, laughing hysterically over a fart. And it felt wonderful.

And there you go.

And i think the best laughing moment was this morning upon our return from the hosp. We parked in the parking garage and were getting out of the car when my mum got shocked. How and why exactly she got shocked, I'm not sure, but all i remember is her screaming, "OW! I GOT SHOCKED!" and off I went. It was one of those moments when you keep replaying it in your head and it just gets funnier each time you think of it. My mum is forever hitting her head or getting shocked when removing herself from a car, and while i don't really understand why she seems to fall victim to such plight, it's pretty damn funny everytime it happens. I'm thinking of investing in a helmut for her for her bday perhaps...Either way, it was great to laugh and not get out of breath and have a coughing fit. I truely love being able to laugh on a whim now!

I had blood work today and i thought i had an xray but apparently that's tomorrow. Apparently i was supposed to have a bronch yesterday but there was no date written down so who knows when that will be! Tomorrow i have PFTs, xray, and clinic, and hopefully home for the weekend! WOO HOO! Afterwards we ventured across the street to Sick Kids where i went to my old floor and saw some of my fav people! It was nice!

I am in slightly more pain that usual today, and i think its' b/c i'm slowly getting more sensation back in my chest. It's hard to tell b/c i'm still relatively numb but have some small forms of sensation. As a result, I've taken a little more T2 than i have been but it keeps me from being a miserable bitch so that's a small price to pay. What else? I've also been sitting more today to help keep the swelling down so i think that makes the pain worse. However, since i've been sitting, the swelling in my feet is a lot better so that's good!

I think that's it! Tomorrow is my 3 weeks post! EEK!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Feel like crying, anyone?

Seeing as I've gotten my new lungs and have a totally new appreciation for life, I've been a lot more emtional at totally inappropriate, random moments. I know a lot of it is pred induced (tho i'm not on a lot, thankfully), but most of it is total gratitude for my donor and what they've done for me when i least expect it.

Like lastnight for example. Here's my status from facebook:

" a little over 2 weeks ago I was dying; tonight, i walked 13 floors of the appartment and sang my heart out to my iPod and it was completely effortless. ORGAN DONATION WORKS! Because of my donor, I AM ALIVE! THANK YOU! *promptly starts bawling from sheer happiness*"

It's when 'small' things like that happen to me that i get mushy. The little things I couldn't do before like sing to my iPod...the fact that i was walking at a decent speed and singing (silently) and having it not cause me any issues, was so overwhelming and beautiful. I do you describe that?

I had a long shower lastnight. My feet were terribly swollen yesterday and still are though they are going down. I pointed it out to the person at physio and she said it's normal and that mine isn't too bad, but understandable that it's uncomfortable. I slept with my feet propped up on 3 pillows and it def helped! I have them propped up now and they are feeling better. I want to walk, b/c I know it's good, and the physio lady said it is good for me to be walking, but that it can make it worse. However, I am basically doing everything right and it's just a matter of the excess fluid to get out of my system. But hey, if this is my only issue I shan't complain!

What else? I was pretty miserable this morning b/c i was uncomfortable with the swelling, plus it warmed up quickly and my feet hurt. All i wanted was McDonalds and to take a shit. Thankfullly, I got my Happy Meal and we all know the happiest part of the meal is the diahrrea that swiftly follows! HURRAY!

So yeah, i'm feeling a lot better now that the feet are up, the Happy Meal is digesting, and i've got shorts on and have cooled down. Hope you're all well! Thank you all for your kind comments and well wishes!:)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Busy B(r)ee!!

Welp, here I am safely planted at our appt in TO with mum! I had no appts yesterday which was nice and we spent pretty much the entire afternoon out! First we w ent to a chinese market to pic up some veggies (got some green onion, onion, lots of chick broth, potatos, chineses noodles, milk, eggs) and i had a great time! I pushed the cart (wasn't much in it and helped me with balance). It was just so nice and lovely to be out doing normal things and not thing about breathing! Just to walk - even slowly - and be able to talk at the same time is such a blessing, you have no idea. It's so effortless that all I can do is marvel at the fact that I can maneuver around and not have it cost me all my strength!

We parked around the corner from the place and it was about a 10 minute walk. We spent about 40 minutes getting the bits of groceries we did and went back. But we weren't done and I didn't want to be. We thought we'd have more luck at 7/11 for some basic stuff but they pretty much sucked so we drove to Bloor and Spadina and spent an hour in Metro really stalking up. Again, i had so much fun, and the longer I walked the stronger i felt. It was weird with the grocery store being so cold b/c i did get cold, and it was weird to be cold and to shake b/c it made my sternum hurt. However, the more i walked, i warmed up and it was so much fun! Just selecting food and stuff completely made my day! I didn't want to stop!

My appetite is good! No huge increase and I can't stand sweets! Remember my huge coke addiction pre-tx? I can barely have any anymore, I just don't care for it. I'm fine with tea, water and juice. All i want is fruit and veggies and crackers and stuff, and to be honest, that's perfectly ok with me. I did have some cheesies lastnight and that was great! I still can't really feel my stomach but am getting better at detecting when i'm full. And lets just say: thank God for that laxative stool softener pill!!! Finally shit yesterday and felt like a frigging cloud right afterwards, lol. Very happy girl!

Um what else? Last night I grew wrestless and subsequently hauled mum out once again. We were gonna try walking to Queen street but it was too far for me, so we walked around our block, then mum got the car and we drove to Queen street, where we parked. Automatically I found Urban Planet and the door literally opened for me and I knew it was meant to be. And thanks to a sudden influx of money that's come my way since my bday, I had plenty o' cash on hand and was in a mood to spend!

And spend I did!:) I lucked in a got some MAJOR sales! I didn't buy anything too too fancy. I bought a pair of purple sweatpant capris (on sale $10!) and got 3 t-shirts (2 or $10, another one was $10). Came to $37! Then i spotted Soft Moc(a shoe store) and saw an adorable pair of Sketcher runners and bought them b/c i hate mine and they're old. SO YAY! Shoes, shirts, and capirs! AWESOME POSSUM!

I had physio this morning and it was great! I go again tomorrow.Thurs will be blood work and xray, and then Fri I just have PFTs and clinic and we can go back home! WOO HOO! I also get the rest of my staples out! I'll get pics. Lets hope I don't rip apart!

Today (after mum showers) we are going out again. Today's mission is to find a tshirt store that you can put print on them. You know those ones? (very popular at the beach!) Either way, I want a plain shirt and I want to get "Double Lung Transplant 07/08/09". I have to showcase it! I told anyone who would possibly listen last night when i was out! lol.

I'm having an absolute blast!
I hope you're well!!!

Here are some pics! (lets hope it works)
Me, taken yesterday, August 24, 2009, 1 day after my 24th birthday and 2 weeks and 2 days post-tx!:)

Sunday, August 23, 2009


And oh ya: I'M HOME!


I got home Friday night! They discharged my ass so fast on Friday that it was pretty overwhelming and completely satisfying. I was going crazy in the hosp and getting depressed, and let me be honest when i say my progress since being home and skyrocketed astronomically!

Minus today, i'm still not dressed, i look really frazzled and i've been on the couch all day. But i think that's allowed. I did order my new medicAlert tho so that's good!

I have a lot of pain today. Not substantially's more that i am getting more feeling back into my chest than anything, but it's nothing that T2 can't handle. The only prob is, i can't open any bottles myself. Oh well. No fear of overdosing.

Being home - if only for the weekend - has been so good for me. I am doing a lot more walking and i have no residual swelling in my ankles. I don't walk so much like an ogre any more, but i walk slow still. But hey, it's better than sitting and letting myself melt into the couch!

In other happy news: I HAD A SHOWER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 WEEKS YESTERDAY! HURRAY HURRAY! I no longer feel like i smell like i've been festering in an onion patch for 2 weeks! Friday saw my first step into liberation when i shaved my armpits. And yesterday, thanks to dad and his speedy run to the store to pick up and ultra dignifying shower chair, i had my first shower! All 45 glorious minutes of it! Minus the part where i slipped getting out and mum grabbed me under the boob and tugged my incision a little was freeing. I feel like i can emerse myself back into society and not offend people with my odour. YAY

No more nausea either! I can go to the bathroom like a big girl, i can dress myself, feed myself, self's grand. I still have trouble sleeping, since i can't roll around like a freak and sprawl yet, but i know that will come in time. I had a bit of a scare in the middle of the night when i woke up and my chest hurt. I guess i fell back into old habits and was breathing shallow out of habit. It was tres weird.

Sorry if my last entry was weird. I was partially with it. Before being released into the computer room, my nurse drugged me with oxy for pain and then motrin for nausea, so to say that I was higher than a kite is pretty accurate. Add to that the vomitting sporadically on the floor and I'm not sure how much sense my entry made. I know it was quite repetative. It didn't help that the nurse also just left me to fend for myself for over an hour, but oh well, it's done and I am home and I am happy.

The parents are in TO collecting the keys for our place! So i am enjoying just loafing and catching up on things. I hope you are all well! Now that i'm out and have my lappy back I will be able to update more frequently!!


Monday, August 17, 2009

On the 7th day, of the 8th month, of the 9th year...

A single star fell. And as it fell into place my world slowly began to fall into place with it. Suddenly, everything had alligned for me.

At around 12:45am on August 7th, the phone rang. It was long distance. Everyone had just gone to bed. I had just finished chatting with a fellower waiter/support person on Facebook about how it felt like it would never come - though i know it was. I knew what it was. but i didnt get overly excited. My dad opened my to my room slowly and said, "The phone's for you."

It was Toronto. "We may have lungs for you. How soon can you get here?"

I asked my dad. It was 10 to 1 in the morning. He said we could be there by 2. I let them know and off we went, into the darkness of night. It wasn't this frantic bundle of energy that accompanied the false alarm - everyone was pretty calm. The worse thing you can do you for yourself is get psyched up that it's an automatic go and then find out the lungs are no good or something, so i subdued it by being calm. I knew it was real. It is finally hitting me now that i am on the other side.

We got to TGH in no time and waited around 18 hours before finding out if surgery was an offical go. I went in around 7:20ish and came out around 2am. I have no recollection on the weekend and that's fine. I was off the vent in about 3 days, and eating a day later. I went straight from the ICU and skipped the stepdown due to lack 0f beds and am now on a regular floor. I still have 3 chest tubes (getting some pulled tomorrow hopefully!) and the catehetar and central line - but no O2!

It is very surreal to say the least. I am only about 9 or 10 days post 10 so it hasn't fully hit me yet that i'm actually post transplants. I'm having trouble with pain, b/c the pain meds are too strong for me and make me throw up everywhere (just puked on the floor, not gonna lie) and so i need gravol to settle my stomach and then that makes me groggy. It's slow and tedious but we are working it out.

For some reason i have it in my head that I should be doing more than i am for being 10 days post, but i know i'm totally where i should be. You can only be so mobile whilst you have chest tubes protrubing from you, a catheter between you, IVs coming out your shirt and what not. I will not complain. If my biggest issues is that, that i am a lucky, lucky girl. I have to let nature take its course, and i'm starting to. I know once these chest tubes are pulled I will be unstopable!

I have so many people to thank: my family, i fucking love you, and I don't know how many time i can say that. You never say 'no' to me, you do everything for me while i sit here, healing. You make an effort to see me every day. Your life has stopped so you can cater to me. I can't express enough how much it all means!

The ICU people: though i beleive you house us in an ice box for reasons known only to you, you guys are awesome. Even on the regular floor - i'm under the best care takers ever. And the nicesest!

To everyone who's been sending wellwishes, thoughts, prayers: thank you! Your support means so much. I had intents on going onto facebook tonight but alas TGH restricts access to that so it will have to wait.

ALEX: THANK YOU FOR YOUR CARD TODAY. It totally brightened my day. I find mornings are toughest b/c you've been sleeping and not too mobile, so everything is sore and you're gurgly. Take it one day at a time. THE BEST ADVICE EVER. I find myself feeling down in the morning for some reason...i think it's b/c it's impossible to get a proper sleep in a hosp. Hopefully soon though!

So yea everything is going well. My main issue is sleep/nausea and pain managment, so we're working on that. The anti-rejection drugs aren't as horrible as i thought they'd be...Everything has finally fallen into place for me....and it's kind of weird how it happens in the blink of an eye but it doesn't.

The chest tubes are as bad as every0ne says they are. They hurt being taken out too, but i know as soon as i get my chest tubes pulled i'll fly by the seat of my pants. I am very lucky that i've had no muscle weakness or loss - i'm just slow from all the tubes and pain. And nausea god i've never so willingly just thrown up on a floor and left it!! Or in front of ppl. Its just apple juice...enough puke talk. And it doesn't hurt to vomit actually! Maybe coz its just fluid I dunno....but it just happens.....No food aspiration YAY. Keeping my meds down YAY. The only thing that (to me)that's holding me back are the chest tubes and that's something only nature can take care of. The tx team said the lungs are perfect. It is very odd not to fill a silent room with my 'rainforest' chest sounds as Jenna said. I crackle a little but it's mainly superficial....I know it's the fluid from the operation and such and i get it when i wake up and start moving, then it stops.

Walking without O2 is different...b/c while I no longer feel the incessant need to gasp, i am in a debate if i am actually out of breath or if i'm telling myself i am. I was told that if i am it's b/c a) i'm walking and talking; and b) you have the incision, and the chest tubes, and can't inflate flully yet. So at least there i'm good. I'm glad that is imbedded in my head. I know taking a full deep breath will come after all the healing is over.

So I think that's it. I am happy i got to blog finally! Even if i vomitted onto the floor for half of it - that's ok. Maybe i will get a good sleep tonight!

It is all surreal, and there's so much to say but there's not. There aren't great differences day to day...i know they will be slow, and i have to be patient..because patience, after all, is a virtue. I just can't beleive that i'm on the other side! I made it! I survived it! And right when i wasn't looking, someone was somewhere, watching me, noticing me.....

Thank you everyone! I don't know when i will update again...soon who knows? It takes a good 2 ppl to get me moving but i knowmoving is good sooooooo you never know! Hope this finds you well and smiley and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


A white cat stands shakily in the middle of a hardwood floored room, staring longingly at the open windows before her. Opened wide, a strong warm summers breeze glides in, the scent of flowers drifting in along them.

The cat stares. Too old, and too unsteady, she isn't strong enough to jump up onto the windows ledge, to feel the breeze she longs to feel, to smell the scents of the flowers she cannot see. She shakes, her legs too old and weak to let her stand much longer.

I watch from the hallway, saddened by the sight of my Heidi Spidey. I cannot watch anymore, and i come to her and gather her off the floor and place her gently on her favourite window, near enough to the back of the chair so she can get off the window when she has tired.

The triumphant little, Gremlin-ish face that stares back at me as i place her on the window beams with so much happiness that it lifts my heart. For although I know it's a simple gesture, the joy it has brought her moves me greatly. She may be an animal, and she may be old, but she still desires, feels, wants. She's still here.

If placing her on the window so she could watch the world outside, feel its breeze and smell its flowers, is what has made her day, then it has made mine as well. I will not forget the joy that radiated from her little white face today. What seemed impossible to her was made possible in the blink of an eye, when she thought that no one was watching or noticing.

And i know the same for myself. Because when I think life is impossible, the moment will come when it is possible, and in the blink of an eye, my world will change even though I thought that no one was watching or noticing.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I have bit my pride

You all will be happy to know that yesterday i bit my pride and let someone do something for me. Yes, yes, I have finally admitted to you all and to my parents that I cannot do everything anymore, and it's easier to submit and admit to the fact that you are no longer fully able to do things than to plow through and hurt yourself by being stubborn.

It starts like this: my mum washed my bedding yesterday and put it on the line for me. When it came off she brought it up to my room and offered to make my bed for me. I told her thank you, but I could do it myself, knowing full well it would take me the greater part of an hour, and would involve much out of breathness and pain and dizziness and unhappiness. But i was used to it, so why should today be any different, right?

Well, I took some things off my bed - pillows - and even that small act left me in pain and gasping. This 21% lung function business is no jokes, it's really horrible, and I wasn't looking forward to making my bed but it had to be done. And after that I could at least rest for an hour whilst doing meds, before i did the other task of showering.

My mum called up the stairs, "Do you want me to help you?"

*holds breathe* "...Ok...if you're not busy..."

*smiles* "Of course not. It won't take long"

She went to one end and I essentally sat at the foot of my bed and put the sheets on down there. Even tho i was sitting i was still out of breath. My accomplished bed making in 3 minutes - 57 minutes faster than I ever could've. I was amazed; stumped even. But i was happy that i finally let go of my pride and admitted that I can't make my own bed anymore b/c basically, it makes me want to die, lol.

But as they say, "the first step in acceptance is admitting that you have a problem!"

This 21% lung function business is really no jokes. I can't do much anymore. I just sit here, and i read, and thankfully since I am small I don't take up too much space, so that's a plus. Today I am having mac and cheese again for lunch. I woke up wanting pancakes but waited too long and the urge to make them left me. Maybe another day...

Yesterday was fabulous. It felt like summer and there was a strong breeze. The breeze was loud and it sounded like waves at the beach. I spent all day on the deck reading Galway Bay, thinking, reflecting, journalling. I got humbled by my mum, enlightened by some talks with great friends, and overall, had a great day that left me feeling very, very happy:)

I made Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Squares topped with melted chocolate sauce the other day. To say that the recipe is so fantastic and immaculate is not a lie: this recipe is so good that men could give birth.

Would you like it? Well here it is:

1 cup corn syrup
1 cup tightly packed brown sugar
1 cup peanut butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
7 cups Rice Krispie Squares

butter a 13x9 pan or whatever you have handy.

In large pot cream together corn syrup and brown sugar. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Once boiling, remove from the heat and add the peanut butter and the vanilla. Mix until smooth and gradually add the Rice Krispies. As the mix binds it will become harder to stir, which means it's almost done!

Transfer rice krispie mix from large pot to your buttered pan. Smooth it out until desired thickness.

In small saucepan, melt 1 tablespoon butter, and add 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips. Melt together until smooth. Pour over and spread across rice krispie squares. Cut rice krispie squares into squares.

And then eat them all. :)

Monday, August 3, 2009

Allow me to get philosophical on you for a second...

This thought occured me to me the other night while i was somewhere in the realm between here and sleepy land. I was drifting away when this idea engulfed my brain and flourished itself through my hemospheric wiring (oooh...ahhh), and it was kind of as if a white light flashed itself into my brain and lit the whole place up.

It is this: there is an end to all of this, and be thankful.

I know I spend a lot of time bitching and moaning about how much i hate waiting, how i feel so shitty, how everyone around me is getting done and i'm still waiting. I bitch and moan about the ppl who talk to me and i write off their comments by telling myself that they just don't understand. And then i get miserable and descend into my dark cave and cover myself in a shroud of cobwebs and negativity.

But alas my people, i emerged my the rubble of my torn up thoughts and saw the light out of this shithole: there is an end, and i should be thankful.

Why? Well first of all, i'm thankful that i'm actually listed, and not still in the horrible process. I'm thankful that soon all of this will go away and I will be breathing through the generosity of someone else. I am thankful that lung transplant is even an option for me at all.

Most of all, I am thankful that I won't have to live the rest of my life on the cliff of obscurity, watching my life and my days go by...I won't have to watch everyone get on with their lives while i sit on the sidelines and try to live through them. Because soon enough, I will be one of them.

I feel sad for those who transplant is not an option. I feel terrible for those who feel as terrible as i do and there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. And while i'm irked that i have been waiting for 15 months, at least those 15 months are working for me instead of against me.

And what i'm thankful for most of all, is that this all occured to me when i wasn't making an effort to have coherent thoughts. That maybe all along, i've known this, and have never acknowledged it.

What I've Learned from Horror Movies

1) If it feels like a bad idea, it probably is.

2) Wooden barriers between the outside world and the inside world are not efficient enough in keeping out the threat of a zombie invasion.

3) Running up the stairs is a bad idea...

4) But running down them will most likely result in getting you killed.

5) Contrary to popular beleifs, comforters and blankets do provide a legitimate protective shield against all-things scary.

6) Screaming and flailing will slow you down and get you caught.

7) There's never really an ending.

8) When a scary movie doesn't strike you as scary at the time, it will strike you as scary when you're alone, and in a dark place, with little to no light, and little chance of ever acheiving or locating an adequate light source.

9) Be in shape: there will be lots of running.

10) Running and screaming clearly isn't as hard as it looks

11) When you don't consider to look in the most obvious place for the bad guy, that's most likely where he is...behind you.

12) Don't ever enter the dark creepy house on the street. Just don't. Don't even look at it.

13) Your creepy neighbour has an actual reason for being creepy...

14) Look under you car, and in the backseat before getting in.

15) Daylight no longer means 'everything will be ok'.


17) Avoid small towns at all costs.

18) Don't talk to strangers. The rootword is 'strange' for a reason. Heed your mothers advice.

19) Resting is not an option.

20) Always, always look behind you, and never go in the water!

21) DON'T stand in front of windows - ever. Tinted, night time, day time. Just don't. Crawl underneath them if you must - just don't walk directly in front of them. Also, those curtains are pulled across for a reason. Leave them the fuck alone.

22) Calling 911 is pretty pointless. If you locate a car that works, boot it and get the fuck out. Cops will not save you.

23) And the cardinal rule from Scream, "everybody's a suspect!"

And with that, I am greatly regretting the fact that i allowed my mother to wash my comforter before i go to bed....for tonight i lack my protective shield from all things scary.



Saturday, August 1, 2009

Kind of don't wanna move - ever.

I’ve had a fulfilling last 2 days. While I haven’t done much by normal people standards, i’ve done quite a bit for someone in my situation – with 21% lung function.

The weather has been fab – it actually feels like summer around here and I love it.

Accomplishment #1: i’ve logged 20 hours in the sleep department since Friday, sleeping a solid 10 hours each night, straight through. Fell asleep Thurs night at 11:45-9:45 am, missed rehab. Thursday i galavanted around the city with Krystal tracking down a book for someone else. First was Macondo’s, who didn’t have it, so we went to Chapters and i located it. This took about 3 hours, and it was very hot. Not a lot of walking but it still exhausted me. I went to bed around 11:30 lastnight and woke up at 10am. Go me.

Today I woke up and promptly made peanut butter rice krispie squares (with chocolate melted on top!) b/c i’m having the girlies over for a girls night. I did dishes, showered, did meds, then cavorted with Jennana around the city. She had errands but i waited in the car. We went to K-town and I bought a book i’ve been ogling over for the last day. We came back to our city, ran a few more errands, and i am honest when i say i am fucking exhausted. I kind of don’t want to move for a very, very long time. Maybe not ever, maybe i will just melt into the couch and let it consume me instead. I’m ok with that.

I still have to make salsa and feed all the pets, who are doing their best to act like needy little bastards and bothering me to give them sustenance. 3 dogs – 2 who need meds -, 2 cats who get fed in the basement, then i must go UP stairs and do Tobi and la la la. The rest of the fam are at 2 separate weddings.

Then i pick up Jenna and Krystal and a bag of nachos.

Oh couch, consume me.

Maybe not, coz if you consume me i will be bored.

I am looking forward to a girls night!

Ok, must go feed pets. Their ability to annoy people to the utmost capacity is quite impressive.

My dog just thew up his supper in the runner of the sliding door.

Wonderful. Oddly enough, I find myself marvelling at their shamelessness in consuming their own vomit. Disgusted however, when they turn it into a team effort...