Spinal Tapopia

Well, today was the ultra-fun Spinal Tap. It wasn't honestly that badm getting a filling hurt more. The guy said I was really nice and was a giid patient about it, and warned me that a raging headache would soon follow, which it did. Right now my lower back where the wholeis is starting to hurt so i'm off to bed. Plus, just blogging is incredibly difficult since I can barely navagate my comp coz my eyes are fucked.

Looks like I will be incarcerated until Friday. They are taking me to the neuro opthamologus Weds to see if they can see anything wrong there while we await the cultures of my spinal tap.

Yes, this fucking sucks.

So far today I've had 3 Atavans, 2 Tylenol 2 with codeine, and IV gravol since I threw up my smoothie and popcorn breakfast.

I am down to 93lbs.

The fun never ends. I'm off to sleep.

Ragin' Cajun Brain Infection

There's nothing to do here

But sit and complain

In bed at the hospital



Yup, you got it: I'm in.



It's pretty clear I did have labyrinthitis, but it's since fucked off. What remains is horrid balance (I've fallen a stellar 4 times now), nausea and vomitting, and screwy vision. It wasn't getting any better so at the insistance of my parents I made an emergency doc appt yesterday and he agreed that something is up, so he called TGH, yelled at them for a bit, and they said to come down and that the people in the ER would be waiting for me.



So here I sit up in my room on the 7th, day #1 under my belt, iTunes playing. I've got a double room but no roomie, and I got the window seat so I can gaze out over downtown TO over night. I've had my shower, shaved my legs, moisturized, I've got about 5 blankets on my bed, inclined, with a tea and my TV on. I spent 2 hours throwing up this AM so got an IV dose of Gravol, and holy fuck people, it's instant the effects. You instantly pass out it was fabulous. Although as I felt my body turning into a tree stump I had to wrangle my stomach as it wasn't sure whether or not it wanted to explosive shit or excorcist style puke all over the place. So suffice it to say we made it into the bathroom and dry heaved instead.

Fun times.

I threw up poutine from last night this morning and it was fucking horrible. God it was worse than when I threw up my cyclo Friday night. Both times burned horrendously, like my stomach had a tiny pit of fire in it. But thanks to the IV Gravol that knocked me the hell out (just in time for my dad to visit!), I've been vomit-free for almost 12 hours. Yay!

So besides laying in a hospital bed all day, my dad was visiting (mum was with me yesterday and will come back tomorow). We went on a wheelychair adventure (I actually wrote "adventure" on the "destination" portion of the sign out sheet, much to my dad's impatience) to get BoosterJuice, some soap and a razor for my shower, and a spark-shock at the elevator (my dad laughed hard when it happened to me, but i laughed harder when it happened to him). Also saw lots of neuro fellows and got lots of neuro tests since they think that I've got a virus in my head that's causing the wretched balance, screwy eyes, and nausea. I'm getting an MRI tomorrow to see if they can pick up anything (like fluid from the virus), and if not I'll have the grand fortune of getting a spinal tap.

Un-yay :(

So they think there could be a few things wrong with me:
- a virus in my inner ear which is affecting my balance and eye sight and making me nauseas
- a reaction to my gastro med Maxran
- or both.

So we'll see what it ends up being! I just wanna feel better - it's been over a month and my parents go to Mexico on the 1st soooooooooooo...

Yeah, I gotta get better!

Ps I punched myself in the accessed port in the shower :( Ouch.

Tomato soup

is the only thing I've kept down all day
soup preceeded by 5 tummy pills
2 maxran
2 domperidone
1 Gravol

it's been 31 minutes and i'm vomit-free
woke up to a tea
Mum to the rescue
kept it down
tried a donute
puke, puke, puke
not even an hour after taking meds
Emergency text to Alex, she let me know i'd be ok

All aft spent nauseas on the couch after feeling well enough to see the Finnesaur
Puked 2 more times in the sink
Filled it with soap as a courtesy to the famjam so my vomit wouldn't stink up the house

Internet says to drink lots of water and consume green leafy things
Hiccup
Dad to the rescue
Ginger Ale, brocolli, cucumber, green grapes
Grapes are the 2nd thing I've kept down since my lovely sweet soup
the taste still lingers on my lips
Bliss

Belly full
TV not swimming in front of my eyes
But still
I just yearn to feel better

A Step in the Right Direction

Since my last entry things have gotten worse, with the worst two days being this past weekend. Saturday and Sunday I was incredibly dizzy and the only time things weren't moving were when i was laying in bed facing the wall. Needless to say, I hated waking up and thoroughly looked forward to when I could go to sleep and close my eyes and things stopped moving.

Sat and Sun, it didn't matter what position I sat in on the couch, everything was swimming before my eyes. Even my limbs were wiggling away. I couldn't get comfy and couldn't even use my computer.

Then yesterday showed up. Yesterday was my worst day yet. I could barely walk, and by night time I couldn't even stand straight, my body was contorting to the right and squeezing me to the ground. With a panicked call to my coordinator updating her on my state and informing her that I didn't care if they admitted me, at that point I really didn't care what happened to me, so long as it was something to get me better. I went up to bed with the help of my mum at 8pm, took a sleeping pill, and knocked myself out into blissful sleep for 13 hours.

And then today...

Today I woke up and felt a little bit better.

I can stand up straight and not wiggle.

I can walk straighter and in a straighter line and not bump into things and weave in all directions.

I can sit in any position on the couch and nothing moves.

Hopefully I've taken a step in the right direction and am getting better. Maybe I had to get really bad before I could get worse. I hope the worst is over, and I hope this virus is leaving me.

So keep your fingers crossed, knock on wood, and say a prayer my friends that I'm finally getting better!

Happy Valentine's Day:)

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride...

ain't nothing gonna hold me doooooooooooown!

oh no!

i've got to keep on mooooooooooooooooooooovin'!

And so it goes...

The Euro Trip is off.

Evlyn has been sick. She lost a good portion of lung function and no matter how hard she tries, she can't seem to to get it back. Being that Contiki tours are basically all walking, it would be very difficult for her to do a trip like this, so it's been cancelled.

I'm not sad, I just want her to get better. Like I said to her, this isn't to say that we can't go at a later date, right? Plus, I'm still going to the Transplant Games in Sweden so i've got that to look forward.

This has not made me sad, in fact, I opened my Contiki book and am spying an 18 day Great Britain and Ireland trip! I'm soooooo excited at the possibilities!!! Soon I will send out a casting call on Facebook to my friends to see who is interested!

I'm proud that I'm not mulling about over a cancelled trip. Now I have a big chunk of money laying about that I can put towards a cheaper trip or something else, like a pup. I know I said I wanted Newfie, and I still do, but I've also been spying French Bulldogs b/c they're so ugly cute. I have a name picked out and it's pretty epic. Only a handful of people know what it is and let me say, it's pretty amazing!

So yeah, onward and upward!

In other news...

It's prob best (for the time being) that the trip is off, as I've had to tell my boss I need another week off. Still horrendously sick, can't really walk, my dad is forbidding me from driving, still dizzy and nauseas. Soon after I wrote my last entry I barfed. I think I barfed again after that. I've officially lost 10lbs now. Havent barfed in a few days tho, so that's good!!!

I've had 2 epic falls in under 24 hours. First came Friday night, when i got out of bed and my legs gave way beneath me before I could even process a thought. Before I knew it I was crashing through medical boxes, past my garbage can, and straight into my closet. Lucky for me I had the fortune of cracking my head off the corner of my open closet door too.

The following morning I woke up, had an amazing stretch, and then fell down the stairs. I don't even know how it happened, all I remember is that I was at the top of the stairs and the next thing I knew I was sliding on my back.

I'm a little sore today.

Friday night I had a shower and sat on the tub floor like a classy broad. I'm sure my mum was wondering what all the banging and squeaking noises were as my wet ass slid across the tub floor from above. The night before I almost fell backwards out of the tub so I figured to be on the safe side, it's probably best that I remain seated until this virus passes.

In other news: we are getting a new puppy. Casey passed away almost 9 months ago, and 2 weeks ago we got a call from our breeder that one of her dogs had had pups and that she had 2 Blue boys. A Blue Sheltie is a grey, white, and black sheltie. The girls we have are Sable (brown, blonde, white with some black, like Lassie), and Casey was a Tri (black, brown and white). We've yet to have a Blue sheltie, so this time we will be getting one.

Last Saturday we went to look at them, and being that they were only a week old, their eyes were still shut and they looked like squirrels. Blue shelties often have blue eyes. Next week my mum is going back to look at them and maybe she'll get a feel for which one she'd like. We've picked a name and settled on Seamus.

I am excited to see which one he will be and show you all pics!

I hope you're well.

Signing out from the Labyrinth,
Bree

Barfing

Yesterday was my 18 months bronch.

I threw up in the freezing room. The minute I smelled the stuff you gurgle....yup....it all came up. Thanks labyrinthitis.

I got extra knocking-out stuff, and it worked. I felt the last snip and that was it.

I threw up in the recovery room. The minute I got off the bed and onto the floor to put my clothes on my stomach flipped and bleh...up came the freezing i accidentally swallowed. And apple juice.

I woke up today and got dressed, washed my face, came downstair, and bleh, threw up. Throwing up on an empty stomach is NOT fun. I just dry-heaved and brought up bile. I feel like I'm going to be sick again but can't be b/c I took meds an hour ago.

Ugh.

Stupid labyrinthitis and it's dizziness and upset stomachness.

I've had it for a week and a half and have lost 5lbs.

That's it.

And thanks Lene for your sweet comment! I'm glad someone understands! And no, I havent been on genta-anything but I have heard of genta poinsoning. I think what happened with me, I was just lucky enough to contract a rare virus. Yay me.

In the Labyrinth

Zombie virus be tamed!
Labyrinthitis is thy name!

So yesterday saw the first day of my 18 months post-tx assessment. And oddly enough, my lungs weren't high on the list of 'how are you doing?'

My broken head was.

After much testing, watching me walk, looking in my ears, listening to my symptoms, it was concluded that I am suffering from Labyrinthitis caused by a virus. And for those of us lucky enough to suffer from the rare disorder Labyrinthitis, it can last for weeks and cause balanace disorders, nausea, temporary hearing loss, and all that fun kinda stuff.

So...yay me! At the moment, I feel like my face is being sucked into a vortex. I keep swaying to the left even tho I'm sitting.

It's been fun.

Today it took me an hour and a half to get out of bed, and as a result I took my meds an hour late. I stumbled into the shower and contemplated sitting on the floor for it, but realized that being dizzy and wet and trying to get off the tub floor whilst dizzy and wet is a bad idea, so I was a big girl and stood for it.

What can you do tho, eh? I'm trying hard not to complain but I really hate not feeling like myself. I feel like I'm perma-tipsy and if you were to push me i'd fall flat on my ass.

Um...

In other news, there's a storm of 'historic proportions' gobbling up half of North America, mainly the whole eastern seaboard. It's supposed to start later tonight and last until tomorrow aft. We're supposed to get between 20-30cm, and seeing as I have my bronch tomorrow, dad and I are going down to TO tonight and staying in a hotel so we don't have to drive in it. The worst is to be between 6 and 8am tomorrow which is when we'd be on the road, so to be on the safe side we're going down tonight.

Yay hotels!

Tomorrow's bronch will see me requesting extra knocking-out stuff, seeing as I had the misfortune of being totally awake for my last bronch and thus seeing and watching and feeling the procedure. Something tells me I'm going to be horrendously sick after tomorrow's bronch due to a combo of labyrinthitis and all the fun stuff that comes with the wearing off of anasthetic.

Can I get a collective 'yay'?

My broken head

For the past 4 days I've been stumbling around like a bee in a bottle, thanks to my broken head. It all started Sunday when the weather changed a drastic 23 degrees in under 24 hours.

Finally today I was fed up and phoned up the docs in a fit of tears and got fitted in for 4pm.

I waited. And waited.

And waited.

I sat amongst the sick, the disgusting, and the grotesque.

I made a point to look as miserable and unapproachable as possible, and it seemed to work since no one made eye contact with me which is just how i like it.

Finally I got in. Where I waited. And waited. And waited.

The doc came in. He was a fill-in doc since my doc is on mat leave.

We went over the meds list, the transplant story, the medical history.

"You scare me," he said.

"Ya," I replied with no feeling. Just fix my broken head.

He listened to my lungs, looked in my nose, mouth, ears. I stood up and did walking tests, and followed his fingers with my eyes.

"Nothing neurologically wrong," he stated.

Ya. My mind replied.

"Well," he said sitting down. "I can't find anything wrong with you. But your medical history concerns me. What do you think it could be?"

"I think it's from the weather change the other day," I said flatly. " I get headaches and sternum pain and now my head is broken. From everything I read on Google, it says barometric pressure change that causes vertigo can last for days"

He said nothing.

*Silence*

"You can always try Gravol."

"Ok."

And the appointment ended.

And my head is still broken.

7 Years

I keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
I won't forget you my friend...

~ Pink, "Who Knew"

Topsy Turvey

The good news is that I no longer feel like a zombie.

The bad news is that for the last 2 days I've been plagued with vertigo, to the point that today I called out of work. I feel all topsy turvey, like when you're tipsy from drinking. I went to shoppers and bumped into a few things, when I stand up i take a few seconds to right myself, and i feel nauseas. I'm eating right now for the first time in 21 hours actually. Right before a dizzy spell I get a hot flash.

It's been fun.

This is the first time I've ever had this happen, and I did some research as to why it's occured. Since yesterday there has been a 23*C change in the weather. It's gone from -25 to -2 in under 24 hours. I always get headaches and sternum pain when the weather changes, so when I was researching 'barometric pressure change symptoms in humans", next to headaches and arthritic pain, vertigo was another one listed. It all made sense.

So that's what I've been up to.

Also, is anyone even reading this blog anymore? No one posts comments...makes me sad :(

Tea = Zombie Fuel

Today Chronic Illness reared its ugly head and said, "Today is MY day, and there's nothing you can do about it. HA HA" and so I awoke feeling like a total zombie, taking an hour and a half to pull myself out of bed and do human things.

It's days like today that i wish I could reach inside myself, pull out my defective ADA gene, and fix it to make myself feel better.

Sure, you can treat it with my injections, and other meds, and lots of tea, and keeping warm, and having lots of soup and other stuff, but it's no match for It itself. Somedays it flares up, and those days, like today, leave me feeling like a zombie who does not wish to be peeled from the couch.

I managed to get myself my tea, which I have now named Zombie Fuel, and go to work, but luckily, frigid temps were on my side and most of the dogs didn't wish to walk today anyways.

I just feel blah...can't be motivated. Everything feels like a mountain of a task. I did manage to order meds, which I've successfully put off for a good week. I'll pick them up tomorrow. I also wish to make Beer Stew for supper, but alas, the ingredients aren't in the house which means I'd have to go to No Frills to get them...which means moving. So.....yeah.

Maybe tomorrow?

Ugh.

Speaking of chronic illness, we had this discussion last night at supper. My sister seems to beleive that since i had my transplant, that I no longer have a chronic illness. Sometimes I think she gets confused and forgets that my former lung condition is completely separate from my underlying primary condition. My underlying primary condition - ADA SCID - is the reason why my lungs got shitty in the first place. ADA SCID is genetic - I was born with it and it's embedded in my genes. Bronchiectasis was a result of SCID, the repeated and prolonged infections, but isn't embedded in my genes. It just coated and killed my lungs, but wasn't in my genes.

Get it?

So I got a transplant and bronchiectasis (and asthma) fucked off, but the ADA SCID is still there. I used to get IVs for it, but have switched to daily injections. Any condition that needs to be treated long-term is considered chronic. This condition will never go away. If it goes untreated, it is lethal.

Ironically enough, after telling my sister what constituted a chronic illness, the discussion of gene therapy and a cure was discussed. My dad and sister are all pro 'cure' and gene therapy, even though at Sick Kids they told me that I am too old for gene therapy. Which is fine. The injections work great and 95% of the time I feel amazing, it's just the odd day where it decides to flare up and there's not a lot I can do about it but ride it out.

Would I want to be cured if I was able to be? Honestly? No. I've lived with this for 25 years. It's all I know - the ups, the downs, the stagnant-ness of it. I don't know what I would do if one day it were gone. It keeps me humble. I feel amazing 95% of the time, it's just the odd day (like once a month) where it flares up and I feel like a zombie. And I need extra zombie fuel.

That doesn't mean that I don't want a cure or beleive in gene therapy. I absolutely do. But i'm too old for it and the way i get treated is totally fine :) I think if you spoke to a lot of ppl living with chronic illness they would agree. They would feel like how they are getting by is just fine. Chronic illness is a total learning experience, and like i stated before, it keeps you humble.

So I just ride it out, take it easy, and consume more Zombie Fuel.

"DON'T stick things in your ear"

....said my audiologist to me as he took the ear-looky thing out of my ear hole.

"That's a lot of blood. You should have gone to your family doctor instead of me"

Internally I smiled, knowing full-well that calling my fam doc would've meant a wait, or a referral to the ER, which would entail a 6+ hour wait that I was in no mood to endure.

"I could've," i said, "but you were the first person to come to mind. It's not that my ear was spurting blood profusely everywhere or anything".

"True," he agreed. He stuck a q-tip coated in vaseline in my ear a few times and swabbed away the massive pool of blood.

"Look," he said, showing me the end of a seriously drenched q-tip. "A small clot. It's started to stop." He looked happy. He stuck the ear-looky thing back in my ear. "Aaaaaaand there it is: you punctured a blood vessel."

He looked down at me as I sat in the chair trying not to laugh.

"DON'T.STICK.THINGS.IN.YOUR EAR"

Ok I take the message to heart. It all started a few days ago after I showered, where I was sure I got water in my ear. It's nothing too annoying but if I force my teeth shut there is a 'thunk'ing sound in my head. I told him this but he saw nothing with the magic ear-looky thing. My dad thinks it's probably a snot build up. Today I was stretching when I felt the thing budge. Wicked, finally! I thought happily, as I dug through my purse in search for my thing of Q-tips. Finding them, I whipped one out and put it in my ear, swabbing.

I removed the q-tip and there was blood. I stuck the other end in. Blood. Waited a bit, got a new q-tip, same thing. So i called the only person I could think of and zoomed right over. By that point it literally was bleeding profusely - dripping out my ear and down my neck kind've profuse. But being a hero, my audiologist staunched it and I came home with a lesson I will never forget.

Did you know that the humans first instinct when they see a hole is to stick something in it?

Now you do.

Good for the Soul

Early morning drives are good for the soul.

I had to go out to Rockwood this morning for 7:30am to see the Babies - two french bulldogs who are almost a year old (but i refuse to beleive they are Big Boys now because I love them so much). I've been taking care of them almost daily, twice a day, since Sept. When my time was up I wasn't quite ready to head home, and still had Timmies left, so I decided to go for a drive. I went out to Eramosa, then Erin, Ospringe, all the side country 'towns' that I know so well from having my nana and papa have a farm out in Erin whilst growing up.

The sun was blazing away in it's usual wintery way. Clad in my blue heart flannel jammie bottoms and brown U of G sweater, I drove down the backroads towards the Farm. It still looks the same, all 181 years of it (that's 1830 people!) I was sad that I couldn't see the tell-tale red humungus barn door that dominates the back of the barn (thanks to the sun), but what can you do? I was happy to see that the new people who live there (nana and papa had to sell it in 2000 because it was just too much for them to take care of) were utilizing it well. At the side of the house where the red deck used to live, now houses a pen for horses. I'm glad the people are using the farm for its intended purpose instead of buying the land and eventually selling it to be used for future subdivisions. To take away memories of 4-wheeling, snowmobiling in -30*C weather, falling through the ice in my snowpants and having them heat above the iron woodstove, ect, would break my heart.

It was nice to drive out there and think, and plan, and get things together that i need to focus on in my head. I came home and emailed my boss about next weekend. I actually have it off (so far) and asked if it could stay this way (last minute dogs ALWAYS pop up and I don't know when the last time I had a full weekend off was). Then I emailed Evlyn about our trip, and emailed my friend (who's also my travel agent) about getting things together and tying loose ends. It felt good.

Now it's the shit I don't want to do: like get doctors notes, sort out meds, airport stuff, blah blah. I'm sure it's not honestly all that bad, and that the thought is actually a lot worse than doing it, but ugh. Then I still have to register for the transplant games....

It'll happen. No fuss. Still plenty of time...

I can't beleive it! I need 2 more paycheques (if that even!) and my trip will be paid for! AHH! This is happening people! Saving up for the games won't be that hard either, but I still have to register with the Canadian Transplant Association.

So yeah, the random drive was good for me. I like to go on them and appreciate the scenery and what not, and revel in the fact that I finally have a future.

Hope you're all well!

New Years Newness

The Finnesaur

Yours truely and Krystal
"White Chicks and Gang Signs" - a tribute to our university years..

My Scary Spice impression

You never know how hard it is to blow a horn until you're too inebriated to get sound out

So that basically sums up my new years! Of course, it consisted of many other aspects, such as makeup, dancing, warm weather, and vomitting, all in one night. Krystal came to my resuce by pushing stupid drunk bitches out of the way, and baracading herself in the toilet stall with me as I suffered the wratch of cranberry vodka, mango and vodka, hypnotiq, and too many feta and spinach samosas.

I realized last night, as I ran up the wooden steps to feed and pee Blue (the Australian sheppard I am caring for at the moment), that this is my first time EVER being all dressed up, and going to the bar, AND BEING ABLE TO BREATHE. I almost started crying. Krystal and I walked downtown from her place and I wasn't out of breath, nor was I out of breath as we took the stairs, and flew all around the place, and raced back home. I never thought of it. I wasn't coughing, or dying from the humidity (yea it was humid and about 10*C). I was out there and I was having fun. And it was a blast :)

My 2nd letter arrived on Dec 24th. I learned that my donor and I are very much the same person: we have a passion for adventure, for wandering aimlessly and walking for hours, nature, being on the go, cooking and baking.

But there is one thing that stood out in the letter and blew my mind.

His university major/degree.

It's the same as mine: Anthropology.

Who else has a degree in Anthro? Not many people. The world works in mysterious ways. Maybe this was meant to be...

So 2011 is here! This year I will:

- get my degree in Anthro!

- go to Europe

- compete in the Tx Games in Sweden

- Meet Evlyn AND Alice

- My sis will get married

- Jenna will get married

- Katey is going to Ireland

- Krystal is going to Japan

- grow up and move on

It's crazy eh? 3 years ago I had just been assessed for my transplant. 3 years ago I was waiting by the phone, hoping to hear that I had been accepted to be listed....3 years.

3 years of craziness.

I'm glad it's over and that I'm on the other side. And i hope and pray that my friends who are waiting don't wait long.

HAPPY 2011 EVERYONE! :)

Nothing else matters

4 days before my 1 year back in August I received my donor letter.

Now, 4 days before Christmas I sit in the aftermath of learning that a 2nd donor letter has arrived.

Think it can make it before Christmas?

We wait...

Lungs of Awesome

I have accomplished a lot today.

1) I woke up and got dressed and flew out the door at superhuman amazing speed
2) I got Timmies
3) I sped to Kitchener
4) I did my PFTs
5) I got my port flushed
6) I got more Vivaglobin ordered
7) I fed someone's cats

And here I sit.

I initially thought my PFTs were botched and that I ruined them, seeing as I broke the cardinal rule of consuming a huge drink before hand. I guzzled my XL tea because there's no way I can drive to Kitchener in that kind've traffic without tea in my system and not feel the urge to murder people for driving and/or acting like assholes. But alas, it didn't ruin anything. However, I did make up for it by taking the 4 flights of stairs instead of the elevator so maybe that also helped.

So what were my PFTs you ask? Well, grab your gochies, and your extremeties, and push any and all Old people of out the way: 87%!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6% higher than last month! WOO HOO! I'm sooooooo thrilled, and it makes it even better because I met with my respirologist last week who told me I was too healthy to be there and to get the hell out of her office and that she didn't want to see my face for another 6 months. So this just makes it better! It actually blows my mind because it's taken me a good 5 months to get my PFTs up since having that small bout of pneumonia. It wasn't even bad but it took 10% off my PFTs and only now am I getting it back. I know I'll get back up to 90 + % but Jesus, I can't imagine what couldn've happened if the pneumonia was any worse!

Blood work on the other hand has been screwy: Cyclo levels too high, so my Cyclo pills have dropped from 175mg 2x a day to 100mg 2x a day, Imurran has dropped from 75mg once a day to 50mg once a day because my RBC are low (79...120 is normal). Yeah, i'm extremely anemic, but when you figure this:

1) I have gastroparesis, and can't digest fats

and

2) Iron pills constipate me beyond all comprehension

it equals

3) Being kind've fucked

And honestly, you can only take laxatives and colonic so much before your body says "Fuck you" and it stops working. I take 4 laxatives a day and that helps, but if i go an introduce iron pills into my diet it messes everything up. I see my immunologist next month so we'll see what concoction he comes up with to fix me. If not, oh well.

What else? I officially have half my trip saved up for! Weeeeeeeeee!!! I still have to book flights and the like but it's under way!!! 5 months now holy-ness! :)

And for now, I think that's it.

Ok, Ok

I know I've been absent. And I won't lie, I don't have a legit reason. I've had nothing interesting to post about and when I have thought of something worth posting about, I've just been too lazy to do so.

Currently I am stuffing my face with Smarties and looking at pics of a fellow tx'ers tx. He had it not even 2 weeks ago and is already out! Unfortunately for the morbily minded like myself, the pics aren't gorey, but you can't have it all eh?

Sometimes the best pics are the before and after lung shots. The old lungs vs the new. Sometimes it's nice to see really horribly diseased, bloody disfigured lungs, compared to healthy, pink, sturdy lungs. I used to actually think that being sick was all in my head, even near the end when I was coughing shit up that was the colour and consistency of flourescent green Gak. Then I breathed easily with new lungs and realized, "Ok. I wasn't crazy".

Megs had the best tx pics, b/c she had pics of herself cranked right open during surgery, and pics of her old lungs splattered in a dish. Her old lungs actually flaked apart b/c they had to be scraped from her chest cavity. Those kinda pics make you want to grab a snack so you can enjoy the show.

Um....

I had my final exam on Monday. So far, that's all I know.

And that's pretty much it. I've been pretty boring lately, and I apologize.

Whater yer plans fer the summerrr?

*said in Canadian accent*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a direct link to the trip Evlyn and I are embarking on:

http://ca.contiki.com/tours/113-european-escapade/itinerary

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!


How exciting!!

If you click on the daily things (like, Depart for London) it will expand into an explanation. It's soooooo exciting! So read it:) AND BE JEALOUS WEEEEEEE!:)

BUT! After that we have a week to do nothing, so we're spending it in London, England. One thing we're going to do is see Stonehenge (I almost gave birth when Evlyn asked me if i wanted to. I said don't ask, just drag me along) and THEN it's the Transplant Games!!

AHHH!!

I had a dream last night that you could see my sternum through my skin, and you could see at the bottom of it my wire. People were touching it and it was a stingy-painful feeling. I realize I dreamt this because I was sleeping on my stomach and my body weight was resting on my chest. I told my dad about my dream, to which he lowered his paper and proclaimed "that's incredibly fucked. you have the weirdest dreams'

Yup.

WOO TOURING! WOO LUNGS! WOO DONOR WHO HAS GIVEN ME THIS OPPORTUNITY! :)

GUESS WHAT?!

GUESS WHO'S OFFICIALLY BOOKED TO GO ON THE EUROPEAN ESCAPADES CONTIKI TOUR WITH THEIR AUSSIE FRIEND!?

THAT'S RIGHT!

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadness spares no heart

I had a busy day today. 10 dogs, the last of which was Weegee.

Weegee is a Westie - or West Highland Terrier. She's spritey and silly and loves to roll in the sunshine. She loves her stuffed squirrel and she loves to sit with me on my lap and cuddle. She loves hugs. She loves everything.

I got into Weegee's place and saw a note. Notes usually greet me with instructions or just general "have a good walk".

But today was different.

Today's note brought me some sad news.

Weegee is going away. One of her owners has become so allergic to her that she has had to move out of the house temporarily due to the development of breathing problems. The note informed me that within the week, Weegee will be gone.

Thursday may or may not be my last visit with her. Today very well could have been it. Needless to say, I left with a heavy heart. And yes, I've cried about 4 times.

It made me realize how we take our pets for granted. Besides the obvious thought of having them die, rarely do we contemplate the fact of being forced to give them up due to means beyond our control. I don't know who I feel sadder for: Weegee's owners, or Weegee herself. She has no idea what is going to happen; one day she will wake up, and be whisked away, never to see her owners again. It breaks my heart.

Needless to say I came home and mauled the girls as much as humanly possible. I went into the dining room and scoured over pictures of Casey. I went to the basement and looked at his urn, his footprint we had made, and his crazy lock of fur that we were fortunate enough to be able to keep.

This of course made me cry more. I love animals almost too much perhaps. I want them to know that if no one else will love them, that I will, no matter how silly, or ugly, or rediculous they are.

So yes, it was with a heavy heart that I said goodbye to Weegee. Again, it's made even sadder because she has no clue what is going to happen. The letter I was left was dripping in sadness; they leaked from the owners words and splashed onto my heart. It made me realize how much I too take my own pets for granted. I'm used to coming home and having 2 dogs and 2 cats. I've never thought that I may be forced to give one of them away. It's not the worst thing in the world but it has definitely dampened my day.

And in other pet-related news, I had to relocate one of our fish, whom I've named Bean due to shape and size. Bean has had a murder-attempt on them and has been attacked by another fish and lost its tail, scales and skin. Bean is now safely ensconsed in a fish bowl that I took from a wedding and is now living on the kitchen counter, away from said evil murderer fish.

**UPDATE**
It is with sadness that I inform you that Bean has succumb to his injuries as a result of Noodle's murderous rampage. He made the journey from bowl to toilet safely. He floated into the toilet hole with grace and is in a place where said murderous demon fish cannot hurt him.

Rest in Peace, Bean 2010-2010.