A single star fell. And as it fell into place my world slowly began to fall into place with it. Suddenly, everything had alligned for me.
At around 12:45am on August 7th, the phone rang. It was long distance. Everyone had just gone to bed. I had just finished chatting with a fellower waiter/support person on Facebook about how it felt like it would never come - though i know it was. I knew what it was. but i didnt get overly excited. My dad opened my to my room slowly and said, "The phone's for you."
It was Toronto. "We may have lungs for you. How soon can you get here?"
I asked my dad. It was 10 to 1 in the morning. He said we could be there by 2. I let them know and off we went, into the darkness of night. It wasn't this frantic bundle of energy that accompanied the false alarm - everyone was pretty calm. The worse thing you can do you for yourself is get psyched up that it's an automatic go and then find out the lungs are no good or something, so i subdued it by being calm. I knew it was real. It is finally hitting me now that i am on the other side.
We got to TGH in no time and waited around 18 hours before finding out if surgery was an offical go. I went in around 7:20ish and came out around 2am. I have no recollection on the weekend and that's fine. I was off the vent in about 3 days, and eating a day later. I went straight from the ICU and skipped the stepdown due to lack 0f beds and am now on a regular floor. I still have 3 chest tubes (getting some pulled tomorrow hopefully!) and the catehetar and central line - but no O2!
It is very surreal to say the least. I am only about 9 or 10 days post 10 so it hasn't fully hit me yet that i'm actually post transplants. I'm having trouble with pain, b/c the pain meds are too strong for me and make me throw up everywhere (just puked on the floor, not gonna lie) and so i need gravol to settle my stomach and then that makes me groggy. It's slow and tedious but we are working it out.
For some reason i have it in my head that I should be doing more than i am for being 10 days post, but i know i'm totally where i should be. You can only be so mobile whilst you have chest tubes protrubing from you, a catheter between you, IVs coming out your shirt and what not. I will not complain. If my biggest issues is that, that i am a lucky, lucky girl. I have to let nature take its course, and i'm starting to. I know once these chest tubes are pulled I will be unstopable!
I have so many people to thank: my family, i fucking love you, and I don't know how many time i can say that. You never say 'no' to me, you do everything for me while i sit here, healing. You make an effort to see me every day. Your life has stopped so you can cater to me. I can't express enough how much it all means!
The ICU people: though i beleive you house us in an ice box for reasons known only to you, you guys are awesome. Even on the regular floor - i'm under the best care takers ever. And the nicesest!
To everyone who's been sending wellwishes, thoughts, prayers: thank you! Your support means so much. I had intents on going onto facebook tonight but alas TGH restricts access to that so it will have to wait.
ALEX: THANK YOU FOR YOUR CARD TODAY. It totally brightened my day. I find mornings are toughest b/c you've been sleeping and not too mobile, so everything is sore and you're gurgly. Take it one day at a time. THE BEST ADVICE EVER. I find myself feeling down in the morning for some reason...i think it's b/c it's impossible to get a proper sleep in a hosp. Hopefully soon though!
So yea everything is going well. My main issue is sleep/nausea and pain managment, so we're working on that. The anti-rejection drugs aren't as horrible as i thought they'd be...Everything has finally fallen into place for me....and it's kind of weird how it happens in the blink of an eye but it doesn't.
The chest tubes are as bad as every0ne says they are. They hurt being taken out too, but i know as soon as i get my chest tubes pulled i'll fly by the seat of my pants. I am very lucky that i've had no muscle weakness or loss - i'm just slow from all the tubes and pain. And nausea god i've never so willingly just thrown up on a floor and left it!! Or in front of ppl. Its just apple juice...enough puke talk. And it doesn't hurt to vomit actually! Maybe coz its just fluid I dunno....but it just happens.....No food aspiration YAY. Keeping my meds down YAY. The only thing that (to me)that's holding me back are the chest tubes and that's something only nature can take care of. The tx team said the lungs are perfect. It is very odd not to fill a silent room with my 'rainforest' chest sounds as Jenna said. I crackle a little but it's mainly superficial....I know it's the fluid from the operation and such and i get it when i wake up and start moving, then it stops.
Walking without O2 is different...b/c while I no longer feel the incessant need to gasp, i am in a debate if i am actually out of breath or if i'm telling myself i am. I was told that if i am it's b/c a) i'm walking and talking; and b) you have the incision, and the chest tubes, and can't inflate flully yet. So at least there i'm good. I'm glad that is imbedded in my head. I know taking a full deep breath will come after all the healing is over.
So I think that's it. I am happy i got to blog finally! Even if i vomitted onto the floor for half of it - that's ok. Maybe i will get a good sleep tonight!
It is all surreal, and there's so much to say but there's not. There aren't great differences day to day...i know they will be slow, and i have to be patient..because patience, after all, is a virtue. I just can't beleive that i'm on the other side! I made it! I survived it! And right when i wasn't looking, someone was somewhere, watching me, noticing me.....
Thank you everyone! I don't know when i will update again...soon who knows? It takes a good 2 ppl to get me moving but i knowmoving is good sooooooo you never know! Hope this finds you well and smiley and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!