Fuck My Life

Fuck my life.

I'm having the most boring weekend i think i've ever had the misfortune of experiencing. Lastnight and tonight, I have spent by myself b/c everyone is busy, the parents are away, and unlike me, people are busy doing stuff.

To pass the time i baked cookies, which turned out to be a huge fucking mistake b/c they took forfuckingever and i still have to ice them - which i am all entirely too lazy to do. They can fuck themselves. I'll ice them later.

I vaccumed and realized my legs were sore from standing for too long from baking them. Then i showered and felt better...and then i realized that i had no plans for the second weekend in a row and now i feel so bored that i could start a fire somewhere.

Gah.

I am watching The Duchess for the second time.

I want tea, but am in a debate as to whether or not i want to go to Timmies or make it myself. Lets face the facts: something tells me i'm entirely too lazy to get up, put shoes on, and a coat, and get into my car and drive to tims.
But another part tells me i'm too lazy to get up and boil water.

Fuck my life - again.

Today i've eaten a bagel and chips, and some cookies that i made. That's it. I am starving b/c of my lack of motivation and down in the dumps attitude.

Did i mention that i got an email Thursday night telling me a dear friend is dying? I did. That probably has something to do with it.

Fuck my life, and fuck the email.

What else? Yesterday afternoon i managed to entertain myself by watching Ace of Base music videos on Youtube. It was fun, and i managed to dance in my spot on the couch with such enthusiasm that i hurt the back of my neck headbanging. I went to Jenna's for dinner and that was it.

That's about it. I hope you guys are all having a better weekend than i am...but it seems like everyone is having a shit couple of days.

Let our shite reunite and form some semblance of happiness.

Here are 2 random websites to pass your time. The first one is a favourite of mine, aptly called "FUCK MY LIFE", about shitty things that happen to normal people: http://www.fmylife.com/

Second, for anyone who gives a shit about 18th century gossip, try this gem that i stumbled upon during my regular random google search (the side bar sites are great): http://georgianaduchessofdevonshire.blogspot.com/

Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

McDonalds McGoodness

I havent written in a week b/c there has been nothing to write about. Trust me when i say my life is pretty...well...normal at the mo.

First things first: I'M DONE CIPRO - somebody fire a cannon, hark make the angels sing - SOMETHING - i am done! I have been on cipro exactly 20 days. And to be honest, i'm slightly afraid that i am finished now b/c i have the creeping suspicion i'll be sick in a heart beat. Is that terrible that i am thinking that? Probably.

Upon a moment of reflexion (anthropological word...muhahaha) i realized just how sick i was, and i'm 100% convinced i was a stone's throw away from being in the hosptial. I feel better, but not totally. The tightness is gone, but i'm still coughing and blah blah blah. What can i do? Well, I celebrated by going to McDonalds. I got a happy meal, and a collectors toy (which truth be told was only got b/c i had every intention of giving it to jocelyn...but then i saw it was a wizard of oz collector and i'm contemplating my generosity on it..)

So yeah, McDonalds was a great choice, as I have lost 5lbs since being on cipro since it has stolen my appetite. What else? There's nothing else to mention...except that my computer is getting fixed once again *cue rage* and it was supposed to be back in my custody on Tues but there has been no word on its exact whereabouts. I must look into that. For now i am getting by on my mum's ancient Acer laptop.

Stop laughing.

That's about it. Hopefully my computer comes back soon.

Nana turns 80

I called up my nana and papa today around 4, to specifically wish my nana a happy birthday. She told me that at her age she'd much rather it if she couldn't remember how old she was, and i informed her that I was pretty sure she was only 25.

For those of you who are familiar with my nana stories, she is a crazy lady who doesn't hear half of what you say, and employs the much fabled but widely used smile-and-nod technique. This technique comes in quite handy especially over the phone, since she can't see your face when you talk to her and she misses 99.9% of what you say. I say this with total affection: for anyone who knows me, knows I love my nana to peices and would give her a portion of my brain so she could remember things a little better than she does, if i could. But that doesn't stop me from having fun with her, esp. since she never clues in to when I'm doing it.

Like today.

So i'm on the phone with nana, wishing her a happy birthday, when i asked her what all she has done today. It went like this:
Me: Hi nana! happy birthday!
Nana: Thank you dear! It's so sweet of you to call an old gal on her birthday!
Me: What are you talking about nana? You're 25 remember?
Nana: I wish! A ha ha!
Me: What did you do today, nana?
Nana: Well...your papa and I spent much of the day at the wart specialist. Your papa has warts on his foot and i have to help him take care of them..
Me: *promptly stops eating peanuts*
Nana: So we're coming to your house Sunday! Don't make too much food!
Me: Don't worry nana, I only baked you 3 cakes this year.
Nana: *smile* uh hah? Yes.....*silence* So what are you all eating for supper tonight?
Me: Well, there's no food in the house, so we're probably going to eat eachother.
Nana: *silence* Uh hah? Yes.

Pretty soon after that the conversation ended. Nana clearly didn't get the fact that i stated we would be eating eachother for supper. Just like the time over Christmas when i asked her if she wanted gin to drink and she smiled and said, 'uh hah'.

Oh nana, I love you to peices and i'm sorry i get laughs at your expense. You truely are the best person ever. Happy 80th! I can't wait to see you Sunday, esp. since I now know you can see me after your laser eye surgery....b/c i didn't know you were blind for the last 15 years!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA I LOVE YOU!

24%

That's the final verdict of my spirometry test today: 24 whopping percent. I'm not suprised. No one said anything to me, they just sent me on my merry way and nobody really cares. That's fine, i don't really care either...

I told Meghann this and she said that it was bad, but good in the fact that it probably bumps me up on the list. I was kind of indifferent to it, said i hope so, and then she confessed that if i got done, that would leave her all alone on the list to suffer without me without her dearly beloved Canadian friend.

I told her to shut up. I told her to shut the fuck up right now, and yet she swore that she would be super happy for me. But when i told her she initially wouldn't be, she admitted that she'd be jealous. I said of course, and that if she got hers before me i'd be mad as hell, and then i'd eventually be happy.

At least i'm honest.

So today was a long day. Up at 7, meet Dave at 8, get in TO at 10, physio from 10:30-12pm, Spiro at 1, then Dave had clinic at 2, got in at 3, came out at 4, we left at 4:30, got home at 7. The weather was shit and i feel cynical about it all, yet bizarrley happy and at peace with everything. Why? Why not? Maybe admitting my horrible selfish thoughts to someone, and having them reflected back, makes me feel less alien. Nobody wants to feel like an alien.

Despite the fact that my day was essentially blah, it was great. There was no rush for anything, it consisted of a lot of waiting, sitting, talking with other transplant/hospital cronies, catching up, it was great.

I am finally done Tobi. FINALLY! Somebody please shoot a cannon and rejoice with me. No more Tobi for a month - woo hoo! I'm still on cipro, i still feel like crap, yesterday i looked like i had jaundice in my eyes, but i'm happy.

So there.

Happy Family Day?

Today is Family Day in Ontario. What that means, no one really knows, b/c some ppl have it off, and others don't.

For myself, I'm spending the day isolated in my room, with my dad downstairs, my mum tanning and picking up Timmies, and my sister at the gym. Maybe we will see eachother tomorrow.

So far today I have slept in, showered, weighed myself, discovered i've lost 5lbs, and made a huge pot of mac and cheese which i will soon regret in the imminent future. Most people are likely not spending it with their families, and in most cases they are most likely spending it away from them - like myself - and trying not to get on eachother's nerves by being annoying (which I can attest to).

My friend Robert deduced that the holdiay should thus be called "Lazy Fuck's Day" instead of "Family Day" in order to get the meaning across clearer. Parliament should be forgiven for confusing its citizens with such a title, since we all know we need that day off but the only way to make it sound legit is by claiming it as a 'family oriented holiday'. I'm not fooled; i don't think any member of the gov't is spending it with their fam. They're prob on their blackberry wondering how fast they can get away from them before they become driven insane.

Which is why i am holed up in my lair.

That's about it.

Happy Lazy Fuck's Day.

FUCK YOU ASTHMA

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I have asthma: i've always had it, from the day I was born, till the day my lungs are replaced, I will be asthmatic, and for the most part, that doesn't bother me. But it does annoy me when i wheeze non-stop and i sound like a canary.

No lie. First the Neb Crisis is solved temporarily, and since that resulted in a temp. happy medium, something had to go wrong, so my asthma decided to step in and be a total bitch. I've been wheezing every single day for the last 4 days.

I've taken all my meds: every inhaled, every puffer, every physio, and CPT thing, I have done, but nope, asthma is acting like a total fucking bitch and being extremely annoying. If this shit keeps up i'm ringing up my resp. doc and begging to come in. I can't deal with it; i'm done. I'm fed up.

GAH!

GOT IT

For those of you wondering what this big mysterious test that I had coming up that was weighing down on me was, it was my driving test, my G test, my full liscence test. And i can proudly proclaim from the top of a mountain (if i felt the need to climb a mountain and scream that is), that I GOT MY G! I AM FULLY LISCENCED!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!

I am so excited! Words cannot describe the sense of elation that I feel. I was so nervous for this for some strange reason. It's not like a uni exam or a medical test, where you go, do it, get it over with, and it doens't really affect you afterwards in any way, shape or form; it's driving, and i'm pretty much fucked if i haven't got a liscence. I hate being dependent on people, so i'm uber stoked that I no longer need to take any more liscence tests until I am 80 or unless by some bizarre chance Ontario changes their driving liscencing laws.

WOO HOO. GO ME.

I am feeling a little better. Like a diligent little child I held to my promise and rang up my co-ordinator today. I told her i was feeling slightly better but still really out of breath, and that i had felt really really sick and was unsure as to whether or not i was really sick with some other horrible affliction or if it was the effects of being on so many meds at once. She said that the codeine in the Tylenol 2 is the most common thing that makes people feel like they're going to puke their guts out all over the place ( i didn't mention that i made me feel like i had epilepsy though...), and that could potentially be the culprit that has made me feel like such shit. She then left it up to me as to whether or not i'd pop in for clinic on Mon and i said "if you think that I should..." and i said "ok i will", but then she remembered Monday is "Family Day" and everything is closed so....She said that if i still feel really short of breath and like Cipro isn't doing it's job, to ring up my respirologist and see her ASAP which I think i most likely will do.

IV meds next? Most likely.

Other than that i have been good. I am going to see the new Friday the 13th movie on Friday the 13th and will by all accounts scream my head off with Krystal and Jess and end up making a spectacle of myself.

I must say that i find it ironic that they place such a scary emphasis on Friday the 13th and yet the very next day it's Valentine's Day and that somehow makes it all better.....