My Double Lung Transplant

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Sign...

...from Megs.

I got one today, and realized I've been getting them for the last dew days.

On Saturday - before i found out she had died - I was in the backyard and out of nowhere 4 monarch butterflies appeared and fluttered all around me. I knew then that she had passed. Her angels had come and took her away so she'd not be alone on her journey to the afterworld.

Later that day I was at a nursery with my mum and out of nowhere a single monarch showed up and flew up, up and disappeared into nothing.

Then today I was on a drive looking for new walking trails when out of nowhere a single monarch began fluttering around me. Persistantly. It just hung out and then I realized, "it's Meghann...letting me know she's still here." As soon as I made the connection, it flew away.

And then I began crying. Today was the first time I shed a single tear for her because i've just been in shock and denial.

I miss seeing her sign in on MSN, or facebook chat, and I miss our random text messages. I miss our Skype and webcam chats too.

I never thought megs had the strength to die. But i guess I was wrong. Because she did. She's moved onto bigger and better things. We haven't lost you, you've merely taken on a different form. You are free now.

Fly free my wonderful Megs. And breathe easy. I will always keep cheesie puffs on hand and think of you - and then get my fat ass in gear because of it.

Here's my fave pic of Megs. It's pre-tx, but it encapsulates everything that she is and was. I don't want to post any post-tx pics because she wasn't happy with what the pred had done to her. So this is how I will remember my Megs, a silly, compassionate, naughty, feisty, complainer, lol.
Now, my friend, you are only in my memory...

"Let me go gracefully..."

P.S Megs, please take care of Casey up in Heaven. You knew how much he meant to me, and you're probably wondering why he's up there. Give him lots of hugs for me because he likes to cuddle and he won't go to sleep without them. I'm sending hugs to Neeko for you - i know you're missing him as he's missing his Mama.

This effing sucks.



BreathinSteven said...

This is a beautiful post, Bree -- about a truly beautiful girl... Thanks for telling us about Meg's butterflies and about what she meant to you... She was special to many of us -- she is a beautiful soul...

It's funny -- the things we miss... They seem so insignificant when they're happening, but they feel like everything when they're gone...

Love, Steve

Bree said...

I agree,'s the little things I miss the most...just the hours we'd spend chatting about, like life, health, eating, boys...they are gone now. They are only in my memory....

Jessica said...

This is so inspiring and beautiful! I love it. Thanks for sharing. I hope that you continue to see Monarch's but I have a feeling you will<3