My Double Lung Transplant

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Jess is getting married in 2 days!

First the good news: i'm feeling a lot better!

Now the bad news: i have heat rash on my face - again!

So i hope it disappears.

In sad news, i went to campus today and officially de-regsistered for the the fall semester:( It broke my heart to do it, and it ripped me apart to be on campus knowing that i won't be a part of the student population come the fall:( But at the same time, i know that i wouldn't enjoy it on behalf of a little something called needing a transplant. To go to school simply to attend class, and spend all your time doing homework, and not go to the bar, hang out on campus, partake in events and homecoming and stuff, that's no fun, and I want to use my last year wisely to be able to participate in that stuff. So if it means i have to wait to until i'm 100% better, that's fine. I"m not going to fuck up my last semester/year of uni by getting crappy marks and doing a half-assed job on things b/c i didn't have sufficient energy to do it. I wanna finish uni in style with a massive party and make memories that i'll laugh about until i'm 1000 years old.

You know?

I've decided for the wedding on saturday that i'm going to forget all my issues. I hope my lungs allow me to feel normal, and for once i'm going to allow myself to not hold back. I am going to be normal this weekend. Fuck everything. Fuck consequences; i'll meet them later. Rules were meant to be broken anyways, otherwise we woulnd't have any to begin with. O2 will not be accompanying me to the festivities; simply too much of a hassle. Yes my meds will be there so that's fine. I want to forget everything and just have fun. That's the bottom line.

Sometimes i feel like i'm standing in front of a metal door, and everyone can go through it but me. Somehow, I'm not allowed. Somehow, it's always in my way, holding me back, preventing me from fully emerging from the prison that is my lungs...they're shackles. I can only go so far before they pull me back. It sucks, but this weekend, I'm going through those revolving metal doors too and i am going to be a normal person. I don't care about anything else. I really don't.

Celebrate now; pay later, right?


I think that's it for now. I havent taken any Motrin today! YAY! Pleurisy is hopefully disipatting...or h/e the hell you spell it.

That's all for now! I'll write Sunday when i get back!


BreathinSteven said...

Hey Beautiful Chick with the red face!!!

It'll disappear... What's inside never will -- that will always glow...

I can imagine how difficult it was to de-register... I remember my last days at work -- the doc pretty much ordered me not to go back until I got better, or got new lungs, and let me know that the former wasn't happening... I worked there for 18 years by that time... When you leave work or school like that, it's a really-really big notice to yourself that things will never be the same...

But you'll go back -- you'll finish -- you'll have that massive party and we'll all be so happy for you!!!

Can you toss your O2 in the car so at least you'll be able to suck it on the way home and be more comfortable? You gotta do what's right for you, Bree -- we all need to celebrate whenever we possibly can -- I hope your lungs let you feel as normal as possible!!!

I hope you have a wonderful time at Jess' wedding -- if I can will some of my good health your way to get you through this, consider it on it's way!!!



Amy said...

I hate heat rash!!! I haven't had it much this year thankfully ugh!!!!!!

Live it up this weekend! I hope your lungs let you be you for a change too so that we can hear all about your amazing weekend!

Sorry about school but like you said when you go you can finish in style and the way you wanted to! Maybe by the fall you will have a new set of lungs so you won't even have to think about not starting classes!!! =)


Alice said...

Yeah!!!! Screw the lungs and have as much fun as you possibly CAN. It may not be sound medical advice, but sometimes you need it to be SANE, you know?? You prob won't regret it, and if you feel crap on Sunday, at least you've LIVED....