My Double Lung Transplant

Monday, August 11, 2008

Back!

I'm back! Back from the wedding that is!

1) Yes I brought O2

2) No I didn't use it

3) Yes i danced to my hearts content, and got out of breath

4) Yes i cursed the shitty state of my lungs

5) No I didn't give a shit

6) Yes I had fun

7) Yes I entertained another bridesmaids son with my copious amounts of drug paraphenalia

8) No I didnt sleep the night we stayed in the hotel b/c I didn't use my O2

9) Yes i was exhausted

10) No, I do not care about the consequences; tho I think i'm being struck down with pleurisy again on the left side

11) YES, IT WAS WORTH IT

That's a ginormous run-down of the weekend, which aptly ran from Thurs-Sun morning. By the end of the wedding night, my feet wanted to explode b/c they were so sore, and I felt the backs of my legs were so sore that if i dared to walk anymore that they might just break off and fall away from me and i'd be a puddle of torso in the middle of the linolium floor of the reception hall. But like I said, it was completely worth it.

By some great divine force, I felt relatively well during the whole weekend. I ignored my respiratory problems at great lengths, and at moments found myself forgetting and wondering how on earth it was that i needed a tx (adrenaline and denial are a great thing when they work together). Of course i'm exhausted today, as I was yesterday, and I think the almighty hand of illness is smiting itself upon me with another dose of pleurisy in the works, this time sparing my recovering right side and doing it's job to the left. I don't care. I just don't care. I lived this weekend - like a person, not a shell. I experienced, and it was great, and illness and being short of breath did not stop me b/c it didn't not exist. I didn't let it. Sure, I had to take ventolin a dozen times but w/e. To take 2 days out of life was fantastic. To be able to stand up for my friend and for once not let my probs stand in the way and keep my behind the metal door felt amazing.

I caught myself wondering today, as I stood behind the sink, that I can't possibly fathom of life w/o respiratory probs. The thought of being able to breathe and not have issues like this to stand in my way - like a normal person - baffles me to great lengths. I'm used to trying so so hard and always failing when it comes to breathing....by doing everything by the books and doing it all, only to see no results but failure. The fact that this time next year, I may very well likely be able to dance all night and not break a sweat, or cough, or lose my breath...the thought that getting dressed and being overcome with the immense urge to burst out laughing until my ribs want to break through my skin.....It's weird. It's exciting. And though I was so close to experiencing this myself for 2 days this weekend....it was still far away and surreal. But i'm glad i was given a window of opportunity to have a taste at the future.

Ok I've talked enough. Here's a pics from the weekend!


2 comments:

Amy said...

I am so glad you had a blast you needed it!!!!!!!!!!

Any alcohol??? I know alcohol helps me forget all my SOB and health issues LOL. Glad you could keep it all tucked away and enjoy yourself for 2 days. I hope the repurcussions aren't too bad and that isn't pluerisy developing :(

<3

Alice said...

yay!!!!! SO GLAD YOU HAD FUN!!!! I'm going to my first half-decent party since tx over the weekend, so I REALLY can't wait!!!!!