My Double Lung Transplant

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Stupid Questions....

There are stupid questions, and then there are stupid fucking questions. Today, for a good portion of this blog, I am going to focus on the stupid fucking questions that I've been asked regarding transplant. Hopefully, you people who have had tx, and for those of you who are waiting, can relate and get a laugh. This was brought to my attention upon having a conversation with Alice, who's a world away in South Africa waiting for a tx herself. Her blog can be read here:
And so we begin:

Stupid Fucking Question #1:
"Why are you out of breath? You must be out of shape..."

This question usually comes from some ignoramous who KNOWS that you need a tx and are in general overall poor respiratory health. These people must be kicked and punched and scratched upon asking.

Stupid Fucking Question #2:
"THAT makes you out of breath!?!"

Yes. Yes it does. In fact - EVERYTHING makes me out of breath so shut the fuck up and let me sit. By asking me such a question when I clearly can't breathe is only going to make the situation worse. So do me a favour and go away so I can die alone on the steps temporarily.

Stupid Fucking Question #3:
"Ugh...Smokers cough."

Yes, you're absoluetly right. I'm 22 years old and have already acquired smoker's cough. Thanks for the observation. Enjoy your time burning in hell.

Stupid Fucking Question #4:
" When's your transplant gonna be?"

If i knew that, I wouldn't be sitting here. Fucker.

Stupid Fucking Question #5:
" Who's your transplant going to be from/Do you know the donor?"

Honestly? HONESTLY!? How fucking stupid can you be? The answer is 'no and no'. This is a dumb question which doesn't need justification. It's just fucking stupid.

And so we have a list of 5 stupid fucking questions that I've been asked on countless occasions. I can happily report I'm not the only one who's gotten these. There are more questions I've been asked, such as, upon hearing me cough, "Oh...I've had that" and "Are you sick again", as well as, "Can you breathe w/o your oxygen on?" but...when you're as dumb as these people.....they don't warrant being given anymore attention then I've paid to them already. I even had a prof ask me when my transplant would be, and when i informed her i didn't know b/c someone had to die, she looked at me like I had kicked her up her uterus.

Don't get me wrong, you can't blame some people for just being ignorant and stupid. I know people don't live, eat, and breathe transplant the way I have to, so I can understand to an extent. But asking someone when they're going to be getting a transplant is kind of like asking a healthy person when they're going to have a heart attack in the future (if they even do). The answer is: I simply don't know.

Also, to add to this already long blog, I had a visit from Karyn lastnight in my dream. Today is 4 years exactly that she had her aneurysm and car accident. It was the last time that I ever spoke to her. Actually, as I look at the clock right now, this was the exact time of our last conversation. I am not overwhelmed with saddess the way I used to be. It's kind of bittersweet. In my dream, me, Krystal, Tara, and Jess were sitting around talking about Karyn. For some reason I was really emotional and crying hysterically. Then, Karyn's mum let us inside and we went to her room. On her bed was a brand new pic of her that I had never seen before. It was one of those Harry Potter like pictures where the ppl in it are moving and interacting. Well Karyn was smiling and waving and pointing at us. Then, she started writing something on the frame.

In black writing, she had written: "I miss you guys".

And with that, she smiled, and turned, and I woke up.

Again I was overcome with the same feeling that I get when I've had dreams about her before. They're different from regular dreams when you KNOW you're dreaming. You can actually feel that someone was there. It was amazing.

And with that chickies, I must close this long blog! Hope you're warm - it's a cold nasty bitch outside!


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