*I originally posted this at the board in June, but it's really special to me and deserves a spot here. It is way too precious and dear to me to ever lose*
One of my best friends Karyn died when I was in my last year of high school. She had a brain aneurysm two days before her 18th birthday. She was driving her boyfriend home when it happened. They were stopped at a red light when she began to have a seizure. Her foot went on the gas and they went through. Her boyfriend tried to grab the steering wheel from her, but they got hit on her side by an on-coming transport truck. The car drove head-on into a street pole. Karyn lived for a week, but had another brain aneurysm at 8:30 in the morning on January 27th, 2004. She died. Her boyfriend lived for another 5 months in a coma, but eventually his body just wore out, and he died 3 years ago exactly today. I didn't really know her boyfriend, but I miss Karyn tremendously.
The summer before she died, Karyn and I got really close. I remember how we made a pact that if anything ever happened to one of us (meaning, for some bizarre reason one of us died), we would come back and let the other know. It seemed so innocent at the time, but you never expect something like that to ever happen. 3 hours before Karyn had her aneurysm, we were talking on MSN. We never said goodbye. Our conversation just kind of trailed off and we both got occupied doing other stuff. I am not sad we never said goodbye, b/c it has left the window open to start talking again. Goodbye is so final. If you don't say goodbye, it leaves the conversation open to begin again. I am thankful that is the case.
About a year after Karyn died. i went back to my usual part-time Christmas job. Strangely enough, it turns out Karyn's cousin was working there too. I had never met her before, and had only ever seen her in pictures Karyn had shown me prior to her passing. To be honest, I wouldn't have recognized her has another employee not told me who she was. Long story short, we became friends, and now, about 2 years later, her cousin is one of the best friends I could ever have. She even gave me the title of 'aunt' to her daughter that she had a few months after we met!
A month after her daughter was born, we went to the cemetary to see Karyn. As we were leaving, we almost drove over a bunny that came out of no where. It was the middle of Feb and bunnies are usually hibernating then, so needless to say it was weird. I screamed out, "BUNNY!" and she slammed on her breaks. About 5 minutes later and 1 km into the cemetary, the exact same bunny ran in front of our car again. I screamed, "BUNNY!" for the second time, and Jess merely avoided hitting the creature. I joked, "Maybe it's a sign from Karyn!". Jess's face was still for a moment and i remember it soon lit up. She said, "Omg! It so is! I have never seen as many bunnies as much as I have until I met you!". I thought that was weird. Then she said, "Karyn used to always call me Rabbit."
A week later was her daughter's baby shower. As we became informed that we both illegally were blocking a fire hydrant, we had to brave the cold and move the cars. As we were moving then Jess honked and pointed. In the lawn across the street was a bunny staring at us. We just laughed and smiled.
That summer we went up to her cottage. We were walking through a small bit of grass to the showers when low and behold, I spotted a bunny. So me and my big mouth yelled, "BUNNY!" and i pointed like a total 4 year old. I remember Jess saying, "I have never seen a bunny up here before. When Karyn and I would come up here as kids even, we've just never seen them. I only see bunnies when I'm with you."
This year, on the 27th of January (the 3 year anniversary of Karyn's passing) i was on my way to a friend's 21st birthday (Tara's b-day falls on the same day.) As i stood in my garage and watched the door slowly open, i stepped out to my car. Sitting on the sidewalk staring at me was little bunny. Just sitting by itself in the middle of the sidewalk. I looked at it and it took off down the street. I smiled and finally said, "Hi Karyn"
I have seen them countless times since. Not all the time but I always see them at the most random of times. Today when I was driving to work I was kind of upset. I had a bad sleep b/c my room was so hot, and I was just upset about my lungs in general. As I was driving down a country road I almost sped passed a school bus that had stopped to let some kids on. I guess I wasn't paying enough attention, but i did stop eventually. As I was waiting, I looked out the passengers side window, and low and behold, what did i see? A little bunny at the edge of the feild just looking at me. I smiled and realized it was ok to drive again, and as I drove away, the bunny dashed back into the feild.
I guess the point of this whole long blog is that no matter how sad and lonely you may feel sometimes, there is always someone there watching out for you, regardless of if they're here or not. When you just feel so alone and so sad, take a moment to spot the little signs that somehow, somewhere, someone is with you, watching over you, and making it better. You are never alone, no matter how lonely it may feel.
So I want to say 'thank you' Karyn, where ever you are, and whenever we may meet again, thank you for being here and letting me know that things will be ok, and that you've always got my back. Even though death may separate us, you have kept our high school pact. You truely are an amaznig person. I miss you so much, but just know that you help me out in so many way.
I'll see you in my dreams. Love, Bree