My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, July 6, 2007

"Thank You"

*I originally posted this at the other board last month as well. It is about a dream that I had...I hope you enjoy it*

I stood in the doorway and looked at the bed. My friend's mother was dying. She had people around her, but I don't know who they were. A man soon stood beside me and we watched the woman struggle. I looked at this man, who had a scruffy, thick brown beard, and a grey sweatshirt and grey sweat pants on. I remember his sweatpants had elastics around the ankles. I didn't know who he was, but he felt incredibly friendly and welcoming. I felt like I had known him my whole life even though this was my first time meeting him.

We sat on the floor of the doorway across from each other. We spoke, but I don't know about what. I don't remember, I just remember we talked a lot and it was friendly. He told me about his daughter and how she was scared and really sad. He told me I had helped her. He leaned forward and gave me the biggest, warmest, bear hug I have ever received in my entire life. He said, "Thank you for helping my daughter." I remember his smile, so warm and friendly and thankful. He felt like an old friend. I had an idea now of who this man was. I was eager to call my friend.

As I was waking up from this dream I got my answer. I was still dreaming but somewhat conscious. As I sifted through dreamland I distinctively heard the word "ishkabibble" whispered into my ear, or my dream, I'm not honestly sure which. I turned on my computer and signed onto MSN. A few minutes later my friend signed in. I started talking to her.

"I have something weird to tell you." I began. "I hope it doesn't upset you." I stopped and continued. "I think your dad came to me in my dream last night. I don't really remember much, but we were sitting in a doorway and someone's mum was dying. He had on grey sweatpants with elastics around the ankles and a grey sweater. He had a really thick, scruffy beard and was bald. He was so friendly and had the biggest smile. I can't get the feeling of his hug out of my system though. It was just so warm and friendly, it was insane. He said "thank you for helping my daughter" and that was it. This is where it really gets weird though...when I woke up, I heard the word 'ishkabibble' in my ear." I finished and sat there. I stared at my screen and waited for her to reply. I would feel terrible if this had upset her. Her dad passed away when we were in high school of cancer. I hadn't met him (we played baseball together as kids so I may have seen him but even then, I wouldn't recognize him). Finally I got a reply. I could sense that she was crying.

"That's my dad." She said. "He didn't have a beard b/c of the chemo, but he had always wanted one. He got really skinny with chemo too, but before that he had been bigger. The tracksuit was his favourite outfit." I smiled. I wasn't crazy afterall! "You remember last night when I told you about "ishkabibble? That was his favourite word. He was the only person who used that word. He would just say it. He must have said it to let you know who it was."

She went on to tell me she felt happy I had told her this. I don't think this is something I could keep to myself. I would only tell her if I knew it wouldn't upset her. She told me that she finally felt like she was able to talk to someone about her dad's passing and all the signs she had received since. I guess that's me, and I am more than glad to help her through any sadness she hasn't dealt with. She told me her dad probably thanked me b/c she's been looking for signs for so long and just not getting any. I am just happy that I can help my friend out emotionally and confirm to her that even though it may not seem like he's here, he still is, you just have to look sometimes.

I found it incredibly sweet that her dad 'came' to me. I had never met him before and had absolutely no idea what he looked like prior to. This probably sounds crazy and I don't know what any of you believe. Do not for a second think that I am trying to inflict my beliefs on anybody. I would never do that. I just thought I would put it out there that, again, when it seems like all is really isn't. They tell you to dream for a reason. Dreaming is where I get all my answers. I can only hope that if you ever feel lost or without answers, look to your dreams. There is more to them than meets the eye sometimes. Even if it's not meant to help you, you never know who else it may help.

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