My Double Lung Transplant

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Letter to my Scars

I looked in the mirror tonight
And saw you were almost gone
Distant
Faded
Memories of a not so distant past
Yet the gap that bridged and made my future

Inspection
Healed skin so soft to the touch
Yet a touch I cannot feel
Disconnected and healed nerves
Of a scar that snakes around me
Keeping me whole
Keeping me closed
Healed
Healthy
Breathing

Chest tube scars
2 on the left
3 on the right
Memories of tortorous pain
Just memories now
Of an experience that shaped and made me
Do not escape me
Do not disappear
Stay as dark and scary as you need to
But do not leave me
As you remind me every second
Every minute
Of what I have been through

I carry you day in and day out
With pride
beneath my clothes
My little secret
My pride
I have the privalege of seeing other people's curiosity at will
Hidden
Yet so loved

My scar
I love you

4 comments:

squeegee25 said...

Bree, that was beautiful. You've reminded me that we have scars for a reason and to always be proud of why we have them and what we've gone through.
I carry around a very visible scar - I had a tracheotomy 2 years ago. Most days I don't even remember it's there, but sometimes it embarrasses me. Mostly I'm proud because it represents the hard battle I fought and won.
Eventually I will have a lung transplant scar and I will always try to see it the same way.

BreathinSteven said...

You're a pain in the a$$... I'm sitting here at my desk at work, my eyes all welled up, my co-worker walks into my cube and is wondering what's wrong while I'm trying to blame it on allergies or something. She knows better...

Like Squeegee25 said, it really is a beautiful post, Bree -- lots of us who have been through this or are approaching it have our battle scars... And though the word "scar" seems to imply that it's over, the damage is done, the cut is healed -- you're absolutely right; the memories are still alive and will hopefully never leave us -- they're a reminder of where we've been, and how lucky we are to be where we are now...

You take care!!! And Squeegee, I hope your experieince when you get your beautiful, new lungs is as awesome as mine has been... (You too, Bree...) Love, Steve

HArmstrong said...

bree bree breee....sooo beautiful. love this poem. can't wait until i have my 'scars'...soon soon. i keep looking at my pager willing it to go off. can't wait till i can breathe again soon too.
love this poem bree.

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