My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, April 16, 2010

Be careful what you wish for

My how things change.

Just a few days ago i was saving up to go on my massive trip with Eve, and complaining about (within myself) how i hated my shift and how i sometimes longed for my pre-tx life when i had all the time in the world, when out from under me i lost my job.

Yup.

Shock and awe.

It's not that I suck as a worker, because apparently i'm a great worker and I follow direction well, and whenever I'm told to correct something I do it and make a great effort, it's just that i'm not bubbly enough. As my employment termination papers say, there was a 'lack of organizational fit', which basically means, my personality sucks.

Wooooooooooooooooooooo. Go me. Shitty personality represent.

Yup. I don't know if i should be embarassed, ashamed, shocked, upset, or what. It is funny though, that the entire time I was employed at the TAC i always had this nagging feeling that something about the place was off. Well, when it's your second day there and someone takes you aside and tells you to watch your back because management will do everything for their members and nothing for their employees, that says a lot. When everyone around you is quitting, bitching about how management sucks, and is generally unhappy, you begin to wonder. And I won't lie, i did wonder about what all these people were talking about and was still actively scoping out other jobs while employed. But I was also aware that no job is perfect and there will always be something to bitch about, someone who's soul you hate, someone who hates your soul, someone who thinks you most likely suffer from some form of mental retardation and thus looks down on you and makes it incredibly obvious to one and all, i stuck it out.

So while all around me I was surrounded my miserable pusses, I generally enjoyed the job and found that i liked more people than i hated (and you know me, i fucking hate people). And i found that it was reciprocated. So when I was pulled aside on Tues two hours into my shift and informed that things 'just weren't working out', because, you know, i have a shitty personality and i'm not bubbly enough, is it so wrong that i didn't squeeze out a tear, feel my soul plummet into the floor, see my future burning in flames in the depth of hell and so forth? I don't think so. I think it's telling. I mean, if i was secretly looking for another job, i see it as a blessing in disguise.

And this is what i've determined: I'd rather work for a humble establishment with people who enjoy their jobs and genuinely want to help others, than work for a superficial place where everyone's in it for themselves and wants to make a dollar. When you're surrounded by people who are so blatently miserable it rubs off on you. I'll do 2 part time jobs if i have to, but I am determined to find another job and most importantly, find something i like, and somewhere i fit in. I didn't really fit in at the TAC; i wasn't popular and in the incrowd like most people were. I was the newbie who asked a lot of questions complete with shitty personality. Don't forget that last aspect: my personality sucks.

Whatever.

But despite having the magic carpet ripped out from under my ass, I'm happy. The weather is great, i feel fabulous, i'm applying to jobs and being proactive about it, and my spiritual center remains balanced which makes me happy:)

And i think that's it!

3 comments:

Amy said...

We can be crappy personalities together :)

Sandi said...

You will get there......it is too good an idea to give up.

嘉容嘉容 said...

與人相處多微笑,個人獨處多沈思。......................................................