My Double Lung Transplant

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Revelations of a Break-Up

I decided today that I would wake up each day and greet it like a puppy. If you've never observed a puppy or a dog in the morning, I guess I need to elaborate. The first thing a dog does when you (and they) wake up is greet you with an enthusiasm that's equivalent to a cannon ball being thrust at you. Their sheer excitement and lust for the day can sometimes be astounding, and their excitement for all things life should probably be contageous all the time.

As I sat in the dining room at 7:30 am, I observed the Spawn, eternally running in circles of joy for the day that's ahead of her, for the sight of mum and dad when they wake up (or she wakes them up on her own terms), for her stomach, or for the first pee of the day, and I thought to myself, "she knows something....i could take a cue from her."

Day in and day out, regardless of the weather, regardless of if she got bitten in the face by Madyson, or grabbed from the cat who so bitchingly was hiding in her lair beneath the couch, the Spawn (she does have a name, it's Brooke) greets every single day with enthusiasm and joy. An enthusiasm and joy for something that she probably doesn't understand. And i realized, that i should do the same. Because there's no reason not to.

Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend. I won't go into details, but i will say that a constant negative attitude on their end was the final nail in the coffin. I beleive that I allowed that attitude to rub off on me and caused me myself to be miserable some days for unwarranted reasons. And in good-friend fashion, it took a close friend to mention my attitude change to me for me to realize (tho i hadn't been feeling the relationship in a while, for other reasons too), that something had to change.

"Bree," she more or less said, "do you want me to be honest?"
"Yes," I said. "Be as honest as possible."
"You havent been yourself. You've been miserable and bummed out for no reason lately. You just had a transplant; you should be elated and ectatic every minute of every day! You got your life back! You shouldn't be down for no reason."

And that's when the lightbulb went off.

So i spent a few long days thinking about it, and while it hurt me to do, it had to be done, and I felt relief. I woke up today with a weight off my shoulders and a renewed zest for life. It's a Saturday, and I woke up at 7:15am and decided to work on my paper that isn't due until Wednesday at midnight, and I feel happy.

I feel happy.

I am happy.

I choose to greet today, tomorrow, and the next day, like a our mentally retarded Spawn who runs in circles of joy. I choose to smile at the tiny spot of sunshine that creeps in through the window, and I choose to extract its warmth and relish it the way my Heidi Speidi does, in snatches of sleepy moments when she has no idea that I am watching. I choose to be spontaneous and silly at inappropriate moments like my Pig and Madyson, and I choose to find elation in the slow moments that allow me to just chill out and be zen like our old dog Casey.

And at the end of the day, I choose to live with joy. Joy for myself, for my donor, and for those who can't experience life to its fullest quite just yet.

And I won't let anyone bring me down.

So for all of you who are out there reading this, who have pets...take a cue from them, and allow yourself to be silly and happy, because sometimes, you don't need a concrete reason to be. Sometimes.....just be.


Sarah H. said...

Good for you hun!! Life is wonderful :)

Kerri said...

Wow, I'm so impressed with you Bree! I always have such a hard time ending relationships, and to see you so articulate about i--and confident--it's inspiring!
A million hugs,

HArmstrong said...

bree. i'm so proud of you. good for you for realizing what needed to be done and doing it. lifes too short to have negative people in our lives!

Amy said...

Love it hun! Made me teary eyed! I agree, treat everyday like a pet would, carefree, happy, joyous, loving. The perfect life!

Love you!

Meghann "Former Queen of the O2 People" said...

Such a great post girl!!! Very inspiring! love you

Jess said...

Great post! *hugs* for you, though. Break-ups suck even when they're necessary.