My Double Lung Transplant

Sunday, January 24, 2010


I am crippled.

I got crippled this morning at roughly 11am when I made a shoddy effort to pour steaming hot bacon grease from the pan into a wobbly container, and alas, it missed the wobbly container and instead flowed freely over not one, but three of my fingers.

Soon followed were shouts of 'fuck', 'omg', 'oh my fuck', and banging. It was witnessed and said witness failed to take action and save me, and rather opted to remain in a laying position on the couch, looking over their shoulder at the actions unfolding before them.

I spent a good hour with my hand thus submerged in a cup of cold water, and any attempt at removing it proved to fail and caused the pain to come surging back with a vengence. Dad brewed me up a cup of tea, saying that the tannin in the tea would act as an agent to draw the pain out. Well, submerging my hand in cold tea worked fine, until it came to removing it from the tea, whereupon the pain surged back and forced me to re-submerge it.

I tried aloe vera and gauze. It failed.

I tried baking soda and water to make a paste. It failed.

I tried packing my hand in ice. It failed.

And then my friends, a genius idea struck me. Instead of walking around with my hand planted in a bowl of cold tea all day, thus rendering me somewhat crippled and unable to do anything, why not get out some latex gloves I have upstairs, pump the afflicted fingers of said latex gloves with aloe vera gel, and wear the glove?

Any my friends, my invention work.

I now sit here, 6 hours after being smited by the hand of disability, with a single latex glove fully loaded with aloe vera gel and it's working well:)

So what have i done today you ask? How did i manage to use this to my advantage? Well, I determined that the best way to treat a horrible, triple fingered bacon grease burn is to let said mangled fingers steep in tea, then cry, complain, cry some more, complain to anyone who will listen, and then determine that latex gloves loaded with aloe vera lotion is just as effective - and continue to complain to anyone who will listen.

Which means you people.


Amy said...

tea bags work well too :)

Glad your cool invention worked though! AWESOME :)

Rebekah said...

Ugh! I hate burns - especially grease burns... not a fan at all! Glad you got it to feel better though!