My Double Lung Transplant

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Dilemas

There are 3 types of dilemas I hate:

1) Silence
2) Ambition
3) Medical

The first one is pretty self explanatory. When someone goes silent and you don't talk to them for a week or something, but you know it's not you and it's totally nothing personal, and you figure that since they havent been on MSN or had any fb updates, and no one else has seen them on MSN or fb that everything is ok. Still, you don't want to be that first person to send the first text message asking how they are and that it's been a while (and that you miss them!). So you wait. I know this makes no sense to anyone who doesn't know what's going on in other aspects of my life, and I'm not going into detail. But that is dilema number one.

The second one has to do with ambition. I finally got the heart today to go ahead and dust my room (since it's gross). So i go downstairs and can't find the EndDust. It has disappeared. So now i can't clean/dust my room. I want to vaccume but what's the point in vaccuming before you dust? Wouldn't dusting post-vaccuming make vacuming redundent? Yes, I think so too. FAIL. That is dilema number two.

The third and final dilema is medical. Suprise suprise. I know it's time for me to start Tobi soon, and i still have no compressor. I go to clinic on Monday and maybe we'll talk about it if i remember. I am horribly phlegmy again and I don't know what additional antibiotics I have on hold. Fuck my life. That is dilema number three.

So essentially, I am falling down a well between silence, ambition that cannot be executed due to MIA third party, and medical stuff. Joy to the world. Please know that the first one isn't entirely bad, and I may even regret later on the fact that I felt the need to bring it up. In all honesty it was just me thinking frustrated thoughts out loud, and even then, I probably said too much.

Oh well.

Anywho, today the oxygen guy came. I was upstairs when he came and his knock on the door sent my dogs into a fit of barking rage. The oxygen guy is afraid of the dogs and he's always waiting below the step when i answer the door. He had to check my concentrator today and noticed that i had it up as high as it would go. I told him that I am exhausted all the time and that it doesn't help. He told me I may need another concentrator that goes higher, so we'll see. It is true: i am exhausted all of the time again. I sleep 9+ hours and am exhausted by lunch. I went to bed lastnight at about 1:15 am, got up at 10:30am, and it's now 1:23pm and I could really go for a nap. I can't stand this tiredness. Blah.

Other than that, I am a happy girl. I did a pirouette in the middle of walmart the other night.

2 comments:

Disaster said...

Aw Bree, I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully it won't be too much longer!

Your pirouette sounds incredible and I love how you rationalized not vacuuming.

Amy said...

Of course dusting after vacuuming is STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!! (did you know vacuum has cum in it LOL). ANYWAY....if you need a concentrator and for some reason your DRs won't give you one let me know. I still have one that I never use and that works great that I will ship to you!!!!

<3