My Double Lung Transplant

Thursday, November 13, 2008

No Word of a Lie

Upon my journey home tonight from a Shoppers Drugmart Make-Up Gala, I suffered a serious injury in the car.

But first things first: the Shoppers Drugmart Gala. You could choose any makeup thing you liked, i chose Smashbox. There's food and drinks and blah blah, and it was fun, but the only downfall is a) i look like a whore at the moment, and b) the makeup is held in the same section that the perfume is in. Needless to say, les lungs are not happy and currently feel like they're burning in the flames of hell.

The makeup lady was nice, and listened to me when i informed her of my ultra sensitive skin, and the fact that it never fails to randomly break out into a rash, especially when it's touched by foreign things other myself. She listened but still put some foundation thingy on that almost matched my paleness, but i guess it's not a perfect match since i can see the fact that i have coverup on. Anyways, after she had put it on, she got me to look in a mirror to see how it was. And it was then as i looked that I stared face to face with a massive booger clinging to the front of my nose. It wasn't easily concealed, it was just there, at the front, for all to see, and it didn't help that you generally tip your head up so they can put makeup on you.

Yeah. I'm a winner.

So then, on the way home, i suffered a horrible injury. I went to yawn, and instead of yawning like a normal human being, in an ugly manner when your mouth gapes open and you sometimes make odd sounds, for some reason, i tried the closed mouth yawn, and that's when i pulled my tongue.

No word of a lie.

I thought i was dying. I thought my throat was going to collapse b/c my tongue was going to swell to ginormous proportions and suffocate me. I thought i couldn't speak, and I didn't cry out b/c what the hell would i tell my mum? "Mum, i might die back here; I pulled my tongue like a total douchebag". So i massaged my throat, swallowed a couple of time, and i could feel my poor tongue relax. I discovered that i can infact talk, and i also discovered that this is in fact a serious injury. The underside of my chin/throat hurts, and it hurts to touch. It also hurts to talk. So as a result, I'm going to take an extra strength tylenol and i hope the pain goes away.

I also discovered that I am in fact, a total douchebag.

No word of a lie.

3 comments:

Tara said...

What is it with tongues today? I almost choked on my numb tongue at the dentist today.

I'm sorry you pulled your tongue. It sounds painful. But I had to kinda laugh at the story. I'll never be able to conceal a yawn again without thinking of you.

Alice said...

OMG Bree you crack me up... WRITE A BOOK PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gizela said...

Bree, thanks for the way you can make me laugh on the boredest days at work.
And I agree with Alice - you will definitely sell your book if you turn these blogs into a book!
Take care and I hope that your lungs are feeling better now - without perfume.