I want to be lazy.
For the last 2 weeks i've had something to do, somewhere to go, some doc appt to attend to, or somewhere to be. I have at least 1 day 'off', and it's not enough. Not in my situation anyway.
My mum woke me rudely up at 6:13 this morning, telling me to wake up b/c i would late for physio. I promply pried my eye open, told her to go to hell, and that i had until 7am to sleep in b/c i left for physio at 8am. She shut my door in a huff, and then crows began to sing outside my window. If guns were legal in Canada, I would have gladly shot all of them. But alas i had to haul ass out of bed, slam my window shut, and i fell into bed like a rock.
I slept for another hour, when i rose again, in slightly better mood but still exhausted.
The exhaustion has been creeping up on me rapidly for the last couple of days. I feel like, today especially, like my limbs are hollow and full of wet sand, making me heavy and not wanting to move. Not sure how i did physio either; pretty sure i lied on my sheet and said i did a substantial amount more than i actually did. I'm pretty sure that once i was out of view that i sat on a chair by myself and held a 3lb weight in my hand for 10 seconds, and counted it as actually doing 10 reps instead.
After that I had to go to my nana and papa's to write addresses for envelopes to send to ppl for their 60th wedding anniversary. It's done via snailmail, since nana and papa don't have a computer, though they claim to know someone who 'has an internet'. I got pizza for lunch and brownies from my nana, and it was (as papa says), "marvelous".
After that I went to the cemetary and visited Karyn. I havent been since January on the anniversary of her passing, and since my nana and papa's place is right across the street, i popped in for a bit. The last time i went it was the dead of winter (pardon the pun) and her grave had half a foot of snow and was slushy. Today it was warm and windy and i could actually sit in front of it and say some words to her. I touched her headstone, kissed my hand and touched it, and rose to leave. I asked her for strength; for a sign, and that my transplant would come soon. Karyn was an organ donor. She saved 7 people. She of all people knew and valued the urgency in such a thing, and if there was anyone for me to send such a wish to, it would be her - my dearly missed friend.
When i got into the car I cried hysterically. For what, I don't know. I know that she's gone but the notion can strike you at the oddest of moments...you realize, "shit, she's gone". Sometimes it doesn't matter that it's been 4 years. As I drove away, that new song by Hedley came on the radio, called "Old School." Anyone who knows it, knows it's a song reflecting how things were with friends when they were in high school, all the things they did, all the memories they made, and the 'beautiful insanity' of it all. If there ever was a more appropriate song to be sent to me, it was that.
When i got home i looked at my watch. It read 1:22. Karyn's b-day is 1/22.
Either way, that's about all i have to say.
I've gone and babbled and made no sense. It's time for me to go. It feels like 2 stone-aged people are trying to burn flint in my lungs. Ugh.