My Double Lung Transplant

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Aftermath

The night before i got my call, i had a dream that my pager went off twice and i missed it. Everytime i've had a dream that i've gotten 'the call', i've somehow managed to miss it. In my dream i remember checking my pager and hitting the green button and it saying, "NEW: 2". I didn't freak out tho.

The events that transpired on Tuesday definately reflected that. I was leaving my docs office when it happened. It's ironic b/c she had just finished telling me how bad my lungs were and that when I get sick next, oral antibiotics won't cut it; I will pretty much be on IV's all the time. I stood up and she walked to her door, when my phone rang and something started to beep. I looked down and my phone said "Restricted call". Thinking it rude to answer the phone in the docs office, I shut it and hung up on whoever was calling.

I didn't know it was 'them', the transplant team.

Thankfully, my pager went off and my doc and I couldn't figure out where the beeping was coming from. I always thought I would just know when it came, you know? Like when someone calls you with bad news, you know it's bad before you even answer the phone. Either way, we stood there for a good time before my brain registered, "OMG IT'S YOUR PAGER (you fucking idiot!)".

All was pandemonium.

I had a feeling tho that it wouldn't happen, that it would be a dry run. I just couldn't see it being the real thing, that my week would commence as it usually would... but now i know that it's definately coming soon which is awesome.

As my brain dodged these thoughts, i registered the positive of the situation:
a) i, thank god, had make up on, and looked relatively cute
b) it was fantastically warm outside which is always a plus
c) it validated my reason for taking the semester/year off, since uni started back today
d) Np period - always a plus

But then i remembered that i hadn't showered, and i was sweating from nerves. My mum took a pic of me and i looked frazzled and discombobulated. My camera is in getting fixed b/c, like Humpty Dumpty, it had a great fall, and took a tumble off my shelf and crashed into the wall. I wanted to have my camera with me for when i got the call but considering the situation at hand, getting new lungs and being able to breathe greatly trumped the absense of my camera momentarily. Mum's disgusting blackberry picture would have to suffice for the time being.

I couldn't get a hold of anyone save Jenna. I had to tell my mum twice on the phone that i had gotten the call, ("You got the call? What call?" "the FUCKING CALL MUM!" "Oh....OH!"...). Everything was going the wrong way, but it was a lot calmer than what my head thought would actually happen.

Everyone says the call comes when you least expect it. I always thought that was bullshit. What did they know? They don't know me, right? Well fuck me people, it came when i least expected it. At 11:06 in the morning at the doctors office in another city? Hello? No, i was certain my call would come in the middle of the night, and it would be madness, and my concern would be finding a bra to put on stat and trying to somehow make myself look cute.

Afterall, that's the most important matter when you're going in for major surgery and you're going to look disgusting afterwards anyways.

So here i sit, 2 days later, in the aftermath of an event that has brought me extremely closer to a goal that for so many years has been unobtainable. To think that had things worked out on Tues, i'd be awake and breathing right now. But things happen for a reason, and my 'real' time is coming very soon (of that I'm sure).

So lets hope it happens soon people, and the next aftermath will be the life-changing one.

Thanks for all your kind comments and words of encouragment! They mean so much to me and you guys ROCK!

And ow, shit, I just seriously snapped a rib sneezing. This much sneezing power should be illegal.

3 comments:

KC said...

Hi Bree!
Maybe you'll get the call after a special occasion where you dress up. You can enter the hospital with a beautiful dress on with high heels and looking all dolled up!...I had one false alarm before my lung tx. It helped me a little because I wasn't as nervous when I got the second call... I hope you get the "real" call soon and everything goes fabulous!
-Kevin in Tampa, FL

Alice said...

Love you Bree!!!! When I got my CALL, and had just finished taking forever to take a bath, I realised I didnt shave my legs... And I was too tired to go back and do it, so I just left it, but felt SOOO bad when I saw how hot the surgeon was... At least my toes were looking pretty!! they were bright pink in ICU! And not from all the O2, I mean from nail polish!

Matt Todd said...

I got the call when i was sleeping. So i just got out of bed threw on the clothes i wore the day before and left. Didn't shower or brush my teeth or anything. I wouldn't worry about make up or any of that crap since htey make you shower and wash with some surgical scrub and that would just be more stuff to wash off. My call came at noon, so not all come in the middle of the night. Like you, I was also remarkably calm. I think my mom and wife were more worked up. I don't think it really set it at the time. I was in a gotta get to the hospital and get this done mode.