My Double Lung Transplant

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I'm Sorry


The girls being bad upon 'discovering' oxygen tubing. Probably Zoey's idea.

No, I'm not sorry to you, or to me, or to anyone for lastnight's rant, I'm sorry to Jenny (you remember her, i worked with her last summer), whose precious cat Rainbow died unexpectedly yesterday. Rainbow was 18 years old, and I am very very sorry to Jenny. Sometimes the loss of a pet is ginormous in comparison to a person almost. It's bizarre b/c sometimes with pets, you just always expect them to be there. Always.

I told her i understood: when I was in grade 9 my precious Squeaky (aka the Squeakmobile) died suddenly from Feline Liver Disease. He was 14 and was gone in a matter of 10 days. We rushed him to the cat clinic (aptly in the same place that was formerly Red Lobster but now known as the Cat Killing Place to me and my sister), where his problem was discovered. I was gutted. I was a year older than Squeak - we grew up together. No matter how much i mauled him, or I bothered him, or dressed him up and made him dance, he was always there...ready to steal things, ready to love you, or escape outside (he was quite the escape artist), or cuddle.

Upon Squeaky's death, Heidi went into depression. She got fat and hid in the basement for a year. Jenny's other cat, Fuzzbutt Jones, allegedly doesn't care. I told her I think her cat is an assassin. She agrees that it probably is.

So if this entry can give me anything, I will remember to squeeze my pets a little bit tighter, maul them a little bit more, kiss their precious faces as much as possible b/c you never know when their journey may be up. I don't care how much they scream at me, try to get away, and scratch: i will love them relentlessly.

I am doing better today. Lastnight's rant provided me with a lot of releif. I don't ever hold feelings of resentment or anger about my situation against anyone - ever - but lastnight I had just had enough about people's BS and the fact that i'm sitting at home picking my bum doing mundane things really got to me. I am feeling way better today, and I beleive that the odd breakdown and outburst is needed in order for one to realize and appreciate just how much they have in life. Honestly. It may appear to somet that my life is shit, and that it sucks, but to be honest, i wouldn't trade my life with anyone else in the world. Ever.

Anywho, I got my new liquid portable O2 tank today. I will post pics of the old one and new one and other ones b/c i know people are curious to know what the hell I'm talking about.

Thanks to those who sent me kind words. Muchly appreciated:)


The old portable liquid tank (pulse ox), lasted about 5.5 hours. A wine bottle is taller than it.



The new tank. It's heavy, but I have a cart for it.


The liquid oxygen tank that lives in my garage (appologies for the utter messiness). Beside it is the portable liquid tank in it's fancy cart. Charming isn't it?

5 comments:

Waiting For Ling-Ling said...

I've been reading your blog, and find your wit refreshing...Hang in there-those lungs are on there way to you! I've learned that a good rant, and total breakdown are totally necessary in order to decompress-I'll be praying for you so that your wait is not much longer and you can begin training for the transplant games!
L

Matt Todd said...

I know what loosing a pet like that is like. We had to put two of our dogs down within about a month of each other. They were the ones i grew up with too. The first one was a little harder since it wasn't as expected as the second. But neither were easy. We have two dogs now, its hard to believe we didn't have any a little more than a year ago. Its amazing how quickly you get attached to them and they become part of the family and you cant even remember what it was like without them. We had one get loose last fall. I think that was almost more nerve racking than some of the transplant and health stuff I've gone through. In that situation i had no control over the situation and was really helpless to be able to do anything. All we could do was drive around and hope to find her. Luckily someone found her and called us.

I have the same portable as your old one. That is my primary one that i use since it is lighter and smaller. I also have a bigger one that looks to be about the same size as your newer one. But it looks more like the smaller one just elongated. But my bigger one isn't so heavy that i need a cart for it though. It really doesn't feel that much heavier than the smaller one. The carrying case for it has straps so it can be worn like a backpack which is really nice. Almost makes you feel its not there. Really spreads the load around.

tree said...

Hi Bree
I've been reading your blog daily for months now, first time I am commenting. You have the unique ability to make me cry and laugh all at the same time. Hang in there, any day now!

BreathinSteven said...

Hey You...

I'm sorry about Jenny's cat too... It's incredibly painful losing a friend like that -- one who curls up next to your belly and keeps you warm...

We have three cats -- Molly, Jacques and Gus-Gus... Jacques and Gus-Gus were named after the mice on Cinderella... Laura wanted to change their names to Capone & Pretty Boy Floyd -- but after I'd sent a note with pictures to my donor family, my donor's sister said that Cinderella was her favorite movie, so the names had to stick...

We had three cats while I was waiting... One had been a little psycho, skittish, shy cat who my therapist hadn't seen for the first 5 years she took care of me -- she thought we were lying about the third cat, Pinhead... But when I was home 24/7 for three years, Pinhead warmed up to the world... And Molly would curl up next to my belly when I slept on the sofa...

The big cat, Kitty, got diabetes three weeks before I did -- we joked about catching it from the cat... Then Pinhead went into complete kidney failure and passed away -- I held her when they euthenized her -- she was a beautiful, precious cat... We also stopped joking about what I might be "catching" from the cats...

Our cats also "discovered" the shiny, reflecting oxygen tubing... I don't know if you've had this little issue yet -- but when they bite it and put even a little, tiny pinhole in the tube -- it pretty much stops the flow to the canula... I woke up several times in the middle of the night thinking something was desperately wrong with me only to find the cats had bit a tiny hole in the 50 foot tube...

My Mom made a little sleeve for the tube -- a 50-foot-long little sleeve... she cut a table cloth into three inch strips and sewed the strips into long cloth tubes and we slipped the tubing into those cloth tubes -- it allowed us to keep the kitty-cats... We had to change or untwist the tubing now and then -- it would get twisted up inside the sleeve and cut off my O2 -- but it worked well...

You take care... I agree -- the odd outburst now and then to vent your spleen and push out what's bothering you is a good thing and you don't have to ever be sorry about those rants...

Love,

Steve

walkingbyfaith said...

I've been reading, but I'm pretty sure this is my first time commenting -- I promise to do better. :P I love your wit and the way you write. Never fails to make me laugh. :)

Losing a pet is hard. People sometimes get frustrated when I say "it's like losing a family member" but it is. I've lost both, so I can say that, right? :P I lost my beloved Leo back in November. He was 14 and I'm pretty sure it was cancer. He stopped eating and using the restroom, so I hand-fed him and kept him comfortable. :(

Losing a pet is always hard. Hopefully things will get easier for your friend.