Today McIntern and I were separated, all b/c some stupid new person came in and had to be shown the ropes of rehab which meant he was wrenched from my arms and thrown into the path of another. And I was sad.
I spent all day staring at McIntern...usually his back was facing me b/c he was teaching Stupid New Person, but that was ok, b/c it allowed me to stare at him and study his manly body. I was always in eye-shot of him which made me feel immense pleasure. McIntern always knew where I was in the room, and at one point, when I was finished dying at the treadmill after my 20 minutes was up, I saw him turn around bewildered, looking for me in the wilderness of the physio room, and I saw the ease meet his face when he spotted where I was....staring at him. It was ok though.
He came over a couple of times to check on me, but he had to return to Stupid New Person to show them what to do. And alas, there was no laughter from McIntern today b/c he wasn't with me - he always laughs when he's with me, and it's something I treasure deeply.
When I began the day on the bike, he came over to check on me, which was grand. My pulse krept up, my heart stopped, and I think i stopped breathing which was ok. He said the tension on my bike was too high which was why i felt like I was dying (when they asked me what my short-of-breathness felt like on the BORG scale (scale to measure short-of-breathness) i told them 'death' but they said they couldn't include death on the BORG scale so I had to settle on a number that was actually on it). McIntern came over, changed the tension to put my wee heart and lungs at ease, and we shared an intense moment of intimacy (staring and giggles) before he departed to the other side of the room to be with Stupid New Guy and Stupid New Intern who stole my yellow chart.
All day he looked over his shoulder to look at me. All i day I stared at him, and when I went to leave (bummed out that our day together had come to an end yet again) we talked a little before I left. I wanted to squeeze and take advantage of him, but i willed myself into paralysis so I wouldn't act on impulse. I told him about being trapped in a 3 hour traffic jam on Weds, and he laughed at everything I said and our eyes met....and then we took our clothes off and went into a separate room....
No. Wait we didn't. That was in my head.
Our eyes did meet and he laughed and he wanted to know where the traffic jam was. I told him a tractor trailer full of paper rolled over on the exit ramp going into my city, and he said he hopes that doesn't happen again today and he made sure I had enough O2 to get home with. I really wanted to say I'd have enough O2 with me if he came home with me, but alas that will be saved for the future.
I cannot wait until Monday.
Until then I am sad:(
Welp yesterday I had a respirology appt. I got prescribed iron (which made me mad), a just-in-case antibiotic (which made me mad just b/c) and another antibiotic that i have to take (which made me incredibly mad). This antibiotic has to be nebbed and it is called Tobi (Tobramycin for you ppl not in the know).
Tobi can cause voice loss, hearing loss, kidney failure, vision failure, and a whole lotta other fun stuff. The most common is voice loss (temporarily) which I can deal with - McIntern may even like that when he sees me on Monday. I can tell you now that it tastes like chemical poison and if anyone who hasn't been sick before ever got a hold of this, it tastes like something you probably shouldn't be ingesting. Honestly, it tastes like distilled tequila with bad stuff in it. Oh yeah, and it was $3600. Yup. Thank god for health insurance or else I woulda left this.
Everyone teslls me it makes you cough. Well so far nothing. Not a cough, not a drop, not a nuffin. We'll have to see. My doc felt I had an infection that could not be treated with oral meds (pills) so I am taking this.
That's all for now. I have to finish taking this crap and I am nursing my saddened spirit over not spending enough time with McIntern today...
If only we could have touched.....*le sigh*