My Double Lung Transplant

Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy Festivist New Years Eve!


Wow, this is the last day of 2007 (ever!) and the last Monday of 2007 (ever!). Where has the time gone? It's flown by! I am not sad that it is going though so that's good. Sometimes I get upset at New Years b/c the year is coming to a close a new one is opening. Oy...i'm too emotionally invovled sometimes.

This time last year I truely beleived 2007 would be the year I was going to get better. Honestly. I remember thinking, "This is the best I've ever felt. I think 2007 is gonna be the year I beat this thing!" While the docs always told me I'd never get better, I never beleived them. I hate to say it but i guess they were right.


So for 2008 I can see it being pretty much the same. I sincerely hope though that my transplant comes this year! 2008...the year of the transplant. Let's hope, eh! This time last year the word 'transplant' never crossed my mind. I remember when my doctor first mentioned it to me (January of this past year) i got out to my car and started crying. I didn't beleive it. I felt so sorry for myself. What had my life come to?

2007 taught me that needing a transplant isn't a death sentence. Transplant does not mean you need to sit around and feel sorry for yourself but it is a good reason for ppl to cater to you and for you to sit on your ass and be lazy. I remember waking up today at 11 am...after sleeping for 9 hours...and my first thought was, "Ugh...i'm so tired." Transplants great for that! You don't need an excuse to be tired - you just are! Rock on to that!

I learned not to be afraid of things. Before when i heard about wearing oxygen at night, i thought it was for pussies. Truely. I didn't understand how ppl could need it, nor could i grasp how people could get 'sick' enough to be pretty much housebound and never want to leave. Honestly, it was a symbol of weakness in my eyes....but here I sit, a year later, completely and utterly humbled. I AM that person now. Am I ashamed? No. Am I a pussy? Hell no! Am I weak? No fucken way no!

Bottom line I guess, is that i've learned that shit happens. I knew it happened before but i thought it came in droplets. I didn't expect to be dumped on when shit happened. But - like i've always said - i'd rather get my shit done now when i'm young, then when i'm older and settled and have things to lose. Right now I don't really have much to lose in the materialistic sense. Luck? Maybe. Bad timing? Yes. But is there ever a good time for shit to happen? No.

So tonight I would like to bid farewell to 2007 - The Year of Lessons - and I would like to welcome 2008. I don't know what you'll bring but I hope it's good! One thing is that I don't want to cry the way i have this past year! That can stay behind. I hope you all have a fantabulous night, and that you bid farewell to 2007 kindly, and that when the year closes, and 2008 opens its doors, you welcome it with open arms and full shot glasses.

Be safe - whether you're a sickie, whether you're a transplantee, or a 'normal-ee' - be well my children.

LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999/2007!

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