My Double Lung Transplant

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Ex

Two years ago this month was the last month of my relationship with an ex bf. We dated a little over 3 years. I am writing about an event that is still stark in my mind...about all the woulda coulda shoulda things. I need to get it off and out of my chest. The reason for this is b/c I was invited to a friend's b-day this coming week and i discovered The Ex may be going. It brought back a memory that will forever stick with me. So let me just share it already. Ladies, don't ever be dumb and let a guy do this to you!

Oct. 2005.
I had not seen you in 2 months since we began university. Every time we talked it was on MSN (since you declared talking on MSN 'was enough' and that you didn't actually need to see me or phone me). Days and days would go by and you would ignore me, but still i sat and stared, a devoted little gf - MOI - and a selfish immature pr*ck - YOU. I had discovered pictures of you on Myspace with another girl which you forever declared were 'coincidental', but me being a bright young lady, knew better. If only i had had the balls to come out and smack the sh*t out of you and call you out, I would have. But alas, this was my first relationship and I truely believed we would be together forever. *cringe* Finally, reluctantly, you agreed for me to come down and spend the weekend with you, on one condition: that I not tell your mother. Seeing as I actually spoke to your mother more than you, b/c you never called home, I really really wanted to tell her, simply b/c by this point, I hated you so much i wanted to see you get pulled out of school and sent back to where you came from. But again, like a good gf, i kept my mouth shut and remained mum.

I spent about $100 on my Greyhound ticket, b/c i had to board another bus halfway down. Upon my arrival to the bus terminal in your city you were nowhere to be found. I called your cell once, twice, and finally you picked up, saying you didn't know I would be arriving when I did. BS. I boarded a city bus and took it alone to your school, where again I was greeted by no one and waited until you arrived. You looked like you didn't want to see me and I knew it, but i made excuses for you in my head and somehow it made it all better. I met all your *coughLOSER* friends and immediately felt resentment from them. The one girl in particular, the one who appeared in all those pictures 'coincidentally' with you, the girl who just so happened to 'coincidentally' be Princess Laya for Halloween and you Anakin Skywalker (or whoever), particularly looked at me as if to say, "Who do you think you are" So i cuddled with you and made a huge display out of the fact that we were dating and i made it look like we were happy, which was a BS outright lie. If anything it made me hate you more! *smile*

It was akward. You ignored me half of the time. I hated the place and I hated you, but i couldn't end the relationship b/c i was afraid i would be alone. That night going to bed was akward. I couldn't fall asleep b/c i didnt' feel safe and i wanted to leave. I felt so shunned and unwanted that it was horrendous. And happened....

I woke up alone the very next day. You were nowhere to be seen. There was no trace of your whereabouts, until i finally located a note that had something to the effect of, "Couldn't sleep. In the lounge" on it. Again, bullsh*t. At the very moment I had every intention of getting dressed, packing my things up, and leaving you: stranded, alone, confused. I had every intention of not telling you where i was so I could leave you guessing. But i backed down. I stayed put, and as much as I want to change it I can't.

This experience has taught me invaluable lessons about myself and the people around me. We thankfully broke up a month later (wait, again, I had to pretty much break up with me b/c you couldn't find the balls to actually say it) and I havent seen you since. This weekend I will not see you either.

(The Ex proceeded to date the girl i had my suspicions about. They began dating a month after we broke up. However, I think they recently broke up since all the pictures of them together are gone off of The Ex's facebook profile.) I am not angry, if anything i feel sorry for the girl he dated, and i sincerely hope it was her doing the breakup. I hope she came to her senses and dumped his sorry ass when she realized she was dating a child. Recently, he updated his profile pic and I can happily announce that he's uglier than ever. I don't want to thank him for treating me horribly; maybe I should thank myself for being stupid and coming to my senses on my own terms. I owe him nothing. I owe myself everything.

We will not be seeing eachother this coming weekend. Funny thing too, b/c now that you have no gf, you are turning back to all of your old friends you tossed away when you made your knew life. Life's a bitch when it comes back to bite you in the ass, isn't it?

Things I Should Have Done
- broken up with you sooner - on MY terms

- told you like it was instead of taking it like a pussy

- run you over when i kicked you out of my car

- backed up and run you over again HAD i actually hit you with my car

There. I feel much, much better:)

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