My Double Lung Transplant

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I need social acceptance classes...

...for myself.

It's not that i'm socially unaccepting, I'm not (unless it's PDA or people having outright sex then no - that's disgusting), but for myself, i can't accept one fact. It's the same fucking fact that bothers the absolute shit out of me and always bothers me: i need o2 in public.

I had to go to campus today for an appt and i also wanted to scope out text books early before the little bastards got their contaminated hands on them. I had my o2 packed in my humungous bag and i wrestled my way through the jungle of first years. I parked as close as i could (parking is free first week people!) and i hadn't walked 10 ft before i began to get SOB. Shit, I thought. I slowed down. Put it on, put it on, put it on! rational thought said. No! my superficial mind screamed. Never! I felt like a schizophrenic arguing with myself. Alas, superficiality won and i spent a good hour suffering and wanting to fall to the ground and die. I thought i would suffocated. I felt like i was being strangled, but i'm too much of a moron to give in to this fucking thing. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

You'd think i would have had more of an issue with the fact that i have a humungous disgusting zit on my chin, and that that would be enough to keep me in. But alas it was not and i completely forgot about it until i looked in the mirror after i returned from campus. Oh well. What can you do about that, eh?

I will forever wrestle with this stupid issue. Until it gets colder and coats are in at least. Once it's colder i don't think it will be such a monstrous issue to me the way it is now. At least then i can hide the tubing in my coat, right? Yes, i've thought of it that much. I am so bothered by this, i think, b/c wearing O2 in public will be like officially annoucing that i am sick and need a lung transplant, and even though i don't look sick, deep down inside, in the muckiness and scarredness and hardened bits of my lungs, me myself and I, are sick.

I now bend over and whoever wants to kick me in the ass can. But please, kick some common sense with it too, please!


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