My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, September 14, 2007



Today's entry is brought to you by crap. Everything is crap - not as in useless crap - but crap as in "this sucks" kind of crap.

You may be wondering why there is a picture of my cats? Well, i dunno why, i felt like posting a picture of them together b/c i just love them that much. Heidi is the one with her eyes open, and Zoey has her eyes shut b/c she doesn't like looking into the camera for fear that her soul will be stolen.

It feels like everyone i talk to is doing stuff besides school - they work, they volunteer, or they go out and have fun AND go to class. Me? I sit on my bum and scratch it. I go to school twice a week b/c my classes all fall on Tues and Thurs, so on those two days, i have 4 classes. I dropped my night class b/c it was a complete bore. But when i hear about my friends volunteering and doing work for this and that organization, I can't help but feel that they are going somewhere in life and I am just living at home with mummy and daddy until i get better. I certainly hope that once i am healthy I get my energy and drive back and will want to do stuff, coz right now I don't really want to leave the house if i don't have it. I feel like I am mentally capable of so much but physically capable of so little. I feel like a snail, or a clam, or a lobster. I have a thick shell with stuff that wants to get out and do things but there is a major wall in my way.




I hope that i will actually go somewhere in life after this is done - but i guess it is only natural to have moments like this where you question yourself.

Oh rationalization, please come back...

Happy birthday mum!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bree -
You will go somewhere in ARE going somewhere in life. It is okay to have doubts BUT remember that they are nothing more than just doubts. I am confident that everything will go well and that everything you are mentally capable of will translate physically. You are my Chicklet and you make life fun and meaningful...even if you don't think so. I believe you bust out of your shell more than you know. I am here and will be there...but you already know that. <3
~ The one that loves the Beav.