My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, July 6, 2007

I'll See You In My Dreams

*I can't help but cry every time i tell this story. I feel incredibly lucky to have had this dream. I havent had one quite this vivid since, at least not as lengthy. She comes to visit me sometimes, but now that I know she's ok and at peace, she just pops in. Hopefully soon she will come back. I know she will. Even though people pass on, they never truely leave. I am just so lucky to have experienced this. Thank you so much Karyn.

October 30th, 2005

I sat with Karyn in her hospital room. She looked normal. She was just sitting there looking the way she did the last time I saw her. She looked beautiful. It was just us. Her in her bed, and me in a chair beside her. We talked for about 4 hours, about everything. We laughed really hard and spoke about all the stupid things we used to do. Then it grew serious.

She told me about the accident, details about it that only she knows and only the police know, but things I don't remember now. I think she told me just for the sake of letting it be heard, but not to be repeated. I saw things from the accident scene that I could have only ever imagined had I not been shown. They were so real.

Then she told me about the aneurysm. How much pain she was in because of it. She was in so, so much pain - so much so that she let me feel it and I seriously woke up with the worst headache I have ever experienced in my entire life. I cannot imagine what she had gone through. For me it was just a dream. For her, it really happened. It was how she died.

Then she turned to me and smiled. "I'm really happy now" she said. "So, so happy." and i could feel the happiness radiating from her. I could sense she was finally at peace. In all the months that passed after she died, when i would dream about her she was just so angry, like she didn't understand why she died and why she had to leave. But finally, she was happy and at peace. We continued to talk, but I don't remember about what. We hugged and it was so real. I honestly felt like she had been there with me, it was unbelievable.

I woke up and had a massive headache. I was incredibly upset that my dream had ended, and that it was infact a dream and not real. It truely felt like mere moments before, Karyn was with me and it was like old times again.

The night before, October 29th, I had gone to the cemetary to see her, but i didn't feel that she was there. I didn't stay long at all, but for some reason, before I left, i turned around and looked at her headstone.

The last thing I said before leaving was, "I'll see you in my dreams."

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