My Double Lung Transplant

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Thoughts for the day....

Gather around children, gather around. Light your candles, sit on the floor, and shut up, for I have many 'o observations to share with thee today...

Observation#1: When approaching a crosswalk that is full of fleeing people trying to get to the other side, with a little less effort and restraint, you too can be that one asshole who crosses the street when the seconds have run out, and people are trying to turn left and right. Highly effective at major intersections such as Dundas and University, and especially College and University. Give it a try sometime if you're ever in TO: you just may elicit the loudest honks you've ever heard. But what's even better is the internal satisfaction that will radiate from the inside. There's nothing quite like knowing you are the solely responsible for holding up traffic and causing an outrage. Truely gratifying and worthy of many self-congratultaions.

Observation #2: If you sprinkle Rosemary around the fence of your yard it will keep out evil.

Observation #3: It is quite possible to enhance your loitering skills beyond what you thought humanly possible. Mine have exceeded all self-expectation. The art of loitering is something only few can master. I think i've gracefully moved from 'whoring' myself in bookstores and maybe surpassed 'loitering' even, to the point that these people see me so often (climbing shelves, sitting on the floor in my own world), that they simpy accept me for who and what i am and what i do, and stop wondering how much merchandise I'm actually stealing.

Keep up the great work, self *thumbs up*. I'm proud of you.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Hahaha love it!!!