In yet another sprawling turn of events, i somehow found myself in Chapters today. After a terribly upsetting day yesterday, i thought I'd just go and pick up one book and that would be it. I really thought i could hold myself together and not act like an embarassing fool. I felt strong, empowered, capable. I felt like I could handle it.
I entered Chapters and headed for the D section, and i began looking, but nothing really caught my eye like i had secretly hoped. So i wandered over the the K section and found "Galway Bay", since that is the book i went for. I flipped through, contemplating how badly i wanted it, when i began skimming the shelves. I knew i'd pick up Galway Bay anyways and figured there'd be no harm in browsing since thus far, i had held myself together.
And then i saw it...*enter epic fail here*. The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane, sparkling and brand new, but on the very top shelf. But even tho it was on the top shelf i knew i'd get it. I didn't even need to look when i saw it: a stool, placed directly below the book, waiting for me to use it. It fit perfectly, everything worked out. Up and up i descended, like a princess towards a handsome prince, beaming and excited. Music played behind my ears, shelves and people fell away and turned into blurry entities, time slowed down, and up and up i went, closer to euphoria and everything....!
Everything, and $70 later.
There is no guilt this time. No shame, no embarassment, no feelings like i've been used. No nothing. I have mended my untransplanted heart with books and that will heal my soul for now. I have about 10 brand new books to read, and...ugh. Yes. *sigh*
I'm making banana bread. The house smells lovely. I shall continue reading The Winter Rose since i just started it. I hope it gets more interesting.
Gah, books I love you. Transplant, i'd love you a little more if you hurried up!
Happy Thursday. Don't be ashamed of me.