May 3, 2009
Hospitals are a terrible place to try to get sleep. Didn’t sleep much at all last night. The lady next to me was snoring all night; it was bright in here, yada yada yada.
Had 2 things of Cetafez/Fortaz. Not bad, though my vein is starting to hurt a bit.
It’s 9:07am. Ugh. Breakfast came and it was a debauchery: coffee, some white wheat gruel, and a cinnamon raison piece of bread. While I truly appreciate the effort, I didn’t eat it: I went to Tims and got a bagel and tea. I also had that banana I had saved from last night so that helped.
I’m really shakey. I don’t know if it’s from the Cetafez or if it’s just me. It happens when I walk, and I have to use oxygen when I walk here now. Ugh. Another thing they want me to do here is shower. I don’t know why, but showering here seems to be a total chore. Fuck.
My 3rd nurse, Barb(?), is awesome. She listened to my lungs and said she didn’t hear any airflow in the lower ones, and when I asked if it would be possible that they just don’t work anymore, she said that is most likely the case.
Why, suddenly, do I feel like I’ll be here longer than a few days?? Ugh, I hope not.
Well, a lot has been accomplished since I rose at that ungodly hour. I went by wheelchair to x-ray, then I lazed, texted mum, got a ventolin mask, took meds, then I washed my face and changed, which made me feel better.
So showering may make this incarceration easier? I don’t think I brought enough clothes though, but oh well, all I’m doing is lazying here in bed; don’t really want to go anywhere. When I washed my face I was really out of breath coz I had to take my O2 off. It sucks, but in a weird way, this is showing me that I actually am sick, and that it’s not in my head like I sometimes feel it is.
So far, I feel like I’ve been a very good patient! Go me!
I feel like I’m here for no reason.
I’m not feeling any better; not coughing up anything. Had physio/CPT come in and beat me and it did nothing. My lungs still feel really tight and I’m horrendously out of breathe. That’s what’s frustrating.
So I finally showered, and it left me exhausted. I was huffing and puffing the whole time, and even 20 minutes after. And best of all, I had to sit on a fucking assless commode and was still exhausted. It was awful, and it’s frustrating b/c so far, nothing out of the ordinary is wrong with me! UGH!
Got a new roommate named Maria. She’s about in her 70’s and had fluid drained from around her lungs. Tomorrow she gets it taken out of them.
At first I thought she was weird and gross b/c of how she coughed and vomited all over the place, but now that we’ve spoken a few times she’s very nice. I learned that she speaks 5 languages to my 1, “Canadian”. I gave her my orange juice. She told me I was too young and beautiful to be in here. I told her she was gorgeous. She told me that when I get my tx that I would have a long and beautiful life. She said she would pray for me. It means a lot. She’s a sweet lady; I’m glad I met her.
Anyways the ventolin saline mask has arrived. I thanked my nurse, Miriam, for bringing me a shot of tequila since that’s what it looks like. She laughed.
It’s funny: Maria (being overly religious), told me to pray for 2 things: a transplant, and a boyfriend.
She also told me to ‘not say ‘f’’.