My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Waiting Game

WAITING

Wait-ing
- Noun
1) A period of waiting; a pause, interval, or delay


Wait [weyt]
-verb (used without object)


1) to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often fol. by for, till, or until): to wait for lungs to come

2) (of things) to be available or in readiness: Your life is waiting for you.

3) to remain neglected for a time: you're not that important yet; you can continue to wait, aka HOLD THE FUCK ON


4) to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed: We waited a year and then realized we were still fucked. Your summer may still possibly be ruined.

5) to look forward to eagerly: I'm just waiting for the day when i can get my life back and stop fucking waiting!


So you can see people, those are just a handle of examples that accompany the term 'wait', all of which are true, all of which are felt, all of which follow me everywhere I go, and everything I do.

I AM ALWAYS WAITING.

If i am not waiting for lungs, then I am waiting for a phone call, or a text, or a something. I am waiting for plans to be made and excitement to happen. I am waiting for someone to take a shit, or have a shower, or wake up. I am waiting for someone to decide what to eat for supper, and I am waiting for the next day to come.

Is life but a waiting game?

I know I should focus on what i can control rather than what I can't, but sometimes, the negative aspects outnumber the positive. I find that lately i am more prone to fall into the 'everything sucks' aspect of waiting instead of looking to the positive. This is why i should not be allowed to think, b/c i overthink. And that is a horrible Virgo trait that cripples me severely.

I honestly beleive that after all these shananigans, the mass of waiting will simmer down. Honestly - of that I am sure 100%. But of all the impatient people for waiting to find, it bound itself to me. I can be a patient person when I have to be, but sometimes it sits on your brain like an egg in the sun, and eventually it burns into the tissue and everything goes to mush.

Mush i say!

Whoever invented waiting had a lot of time on their hands.

So boo negativity, hello positive thinking:

"Good things come to those who wait" so i will suck it up, smile, and beleive with certainty that they will:)

And for a personal mantra, thought of by me, with a personal twist, is this:

"Life is but a waiting game: if you think about it too much, eventually it will fuck you"

*big effing TRADEMARK*

2 comments:

realgonegal said...

Have you heard the Kathleen Edwards song "Good Things Come".. when you stop looking around? I think it's about love, but you might enjoy giving it a spin. I heard her do it live and she was great :) In the meantime, keep your chin up. I know this can't be easy and you've been waiting a f*****g long time. So Not Fair.

Meghann "Queen of the O2 People" said...

*eyes closed and nodding in agreement*

Preach on sister, preach on. Waiting can be a form of torture and for us, it is definitely the case.