My Double Lung Transplant

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Death Notice


How can one go about writing a note to a dear friend who shouldn't even be gone? It seems impossible as I sit here, trying to process the fact that mere seconds ago, I learned that you have just crawled out of everyone's lives forever.

I never thought our last conversation would actually be our last. "Last" was not a word I would have ever applied to anything to be honest. When you told me you were going in for your surgery you told me it was routine and that was it. I never imagined I'd be sitting here a month later writing you a eulogy of sorts. It doesn't make sense; I haven't even had the time to process the fact that 2 days ago I learned you were dying.

What, Grant dying? Never. Never in a million years did I ever beleive you would die. Ever. The two words couldn't possibly coincide with such a strong person. Clearly, I am an idiot.

It's ironic that as I recieved the email from your mother informing me of your unfortunate passing, that "How to Save a Life" was playing. In the 2 years we knew eachother, you taught me a lot about life and how strong people can actually be when they're put through shit. You inspired me on a daily basis to keep going, and you showed me that tx wasn't the be-all and end-all in life - that a better side existed and that you should definitely look forward to it with a million smiles.

What can i say to a person who taught me so much? I don't know. I really don't. I am having trouble finding the tears to even cry over the fact that I won't ever talk to you again, or hear boring stories about your cats, or make you laugh b/c I'm the only person to use the word 'wicked'. This sucks more than you know.

I am so sad at the moment, you have no idea. I truely beleived the moment would come when you'd see me get my tx and get on with my damn life (at some point, eh?). Jesus God this is terrible. At the same time, i'm happy that you're in a place where you're not not in pain, and completely med free!

You are in a better place now. I hope that Heaven or wherever you are ends up giving you a better packaged deal than Earth ever did.

You are a good person; don't you ever forget that.

I don't know what to say, but like always i've gone and said too much.

To quote Oasis:
"There are many things that I would like to say to you, but i don't know how"

Rest in Peace, Grantula. Someone tell me this isn't real....


Princess Talana said...

Oh Bree,

I understand so much about what you are going through. I still am having a hard time processing that Jenn is gone. That the last time we talked it would of been about knitting and our love of Fievel. That only a month ago my friend was making plans, looking to the future, the first time in months, then just as suddenly she is gone. And it just seems so wrong. So out of place. The world is upside down. I keep thinking if I wanted to say something else to her, wondering if I missed something along the way. I can't think of anything, but it still doesn't make me wish that we had more time.


Anonymous said...

Your writing often moves me, but it is usually to laughter. You are equally effective here of moving me to a different sort of tears. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. And scared. We have a scary future, every living soul of us, no?

BreathinSteven said...

I'm so sorry Bree... RealGone is right -- you do have incredible skills at telling stories... I can feel how much Grant meant to you...

Love, Steve

Alice said...

Oh no Bree.... this is horrible!!!

Amy said...