I know i've already posted today, but this is all too sad not to mention.
I was outside with my mum and dad 5 minutes ago, watching the fish in the pond and the like. Upon coming onto the deck i noted the citrenella candle that i had lit was still burning. I tried blowing it out to no avail.
I turned to my dad and said, "You'll have to blow the candle out...; I can't do it."
It was quick and said without thought, as if saying something as common as 'It's hot out today.' And while it's true that I can't blow candles out, it makes me sad to think that as of now, in this very moment, my inability to blow out something as fragile as a candle is not some huge secret - everybody knows, and it's a part of who I am. It's sad and it shouldn't be this way...but for now, it is.
Earlier a friend said something about laughter. I told him that I don't laugh anymore - havent in years, at least not out loud, b/c laughing out loud sends me into coughing fits and i'd rather avoid them and the only way to avoid a coughing fit is to just not laugh at things. Instead, smile and wish you were somewhere else.
Little things like laughter and blowing out candles are things I'm looking forward to.
Hopefully soon, my friends. Hopefully soon.