My Double Lung Transplant

Saturday, June 14, 2008


Ugh. I woke up today feeling extremely congested. Instead of having one big cough and getting it all out at once, i have a series of mini coughs where it comes up and goes back down...It's annoying and it's gross and it makes me feel terrible. I feel like i've wet cotton stuffed in my airways and that little air is getting through. Little air is getting through and little air is getting out. Aye.

I had a dream this morning that I was suffocating. I think I had two actually. In the first one, people were sitting on me and I felt like I was suffocating, and no matter how much i pleaded and screamed, no one got off me. Each time i yelled for the people to "GET OFF" it took all the air out of me, but I kept screaming and screaming and finally I woke up and was able to breathe. I had another one...something about needing to take my Advair (i think...maybe this was an actual thought though) and it was scary. These dreams where i can't breathe/am suffocating are very real, especially today b/c I think i actually was suffocating. I'm pretty sure i was on my stomach with my face smooshed into my pillow...and even with O2 jammed up my nose i was still suffocating. It's a scary feeling. You feel hollow b/c no matter how much you inhale, there's nothing to be taken in.

I remember last spring I had dreams like this (like when i fell through ice and sank to the bottom). This was the first sign that my lungs were dying. I was on Advair 150 and Advair lasts 12 hours. I'd wake up at 5am feeling like I was suffocating and would have to take a puff, and with ventolin (the blue puffer) and it still wouldn't help. I eventually went to the doc and was put on Advair 250 which helped muchly, but when I have dreams like this, it frightens me. I hate the way my mind only alerts me that something is amiss when i'm dreaming! Oh well.

This was almost 2 hours ago...and I still taken my Advair yet. I'm also starving but am too lazy to make food.

Today Beka and Sean get back from their honeymoon. I can't beleive they've been married two weeks. Tara was asking me how long weddings go, and then how long receptions go, and blah blah, and I told her it depended on the denomination but it wouldn't matter as long as she went with someone. Weddings are always funner when you go with someone, b/c then you have someone to sit with...unlike myself who went solo and sat at the table with waifs and strays...

No comments: