I've had a good day today. Even though I had a tough sleep, all b/c I watched a show on A&E called "Psychic Kids" and it scared the crap out of me and caused me to wake up at 4am frightened that i'd find the spirit of a dead person at the foot of my bed, or worse, that i'd roll over and have a dead person staring me in the face, I had a good day.
I woke up finally around 9:20, and spent the next 4-5 hours sitting on the couch in my jammies, browsing the net. I baked 6 dozen soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies (they're surprisingly good - though they look a little strange and not quite round) they were soft and chewy and good. I've been wearing my O2 all day long, and I feel surprising better with it on. Lord knows i baked a little faster wearing it, and was spared horrible chest pains as I putted about the kitchen. I did wake up with a terrible pain in the left side of my chest - a frequent occurance, most likely a plug, or ... something. When i took my o2 off, the pain seared back; when i put the O2 on, it dissipated some. So the verdict came in and I've decided that wearing o2 all day is the best option for me today - and that's cool (esp. since I'm incredibly short of breath today).
When I had decided that I'd been sitting on my arse long enough, I did cleaned up my baking mess, did the dishes, and then I did the garbage (to help out my dad). A lot of people wonder why I do so much, how I have the energy to do so much, and the honest answer is that I don't; I do it b/c people at home do so much for me, that I feel like a useless waif sitting down all day doing nothing. If doing a small (though rather large task for me) task for my family helps out, then I'll do it. Sure it takes me a while, but it's not like I have anything else to do really. It makes me feel like I've contributed some how, and I don't mind. I discovered that I feel better if i wear my O2 while I do these things, and even though I get horribly out of breath, I still do it.
I admit, I felt a lot of frustration today while wearing my O2. I get pissed off and irritated when it gets caught underneath the corner of the fridge, or pinched underneath a door, or it pulls and hurts me ears. I found myself yelling "FUCK!" a lot today, but it's ok I guess. My biggest problem is that I don't know when to slow down, to pace myself, and I end up going faster than my little lungs are able to and I get extremely out of breath, frustrated, and anxious. My parents always tell me that this 'isn't a race', and that it's ok to slow down....but it's hard to.
When I had completed my little chores I hauled myself up the stairs, caught my breathe after 10 minutes, and had a nice warm shower, and it felt good. Today is a cool day - i think it's only 12...which is about 20 degrees colder than it's been lately, but in all honestly, I don't mind; i love it. It's nice to have a cool, glum, rainy day where you don't feel guilty for holing up in the house in your comfy sweatpants and oversized uni sweater (and a tea!). I have the windows open b/c it's raining and i love to listen to it.
Despite everything (and the scariness), it's been a good day.