My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, April 11, 2008

Feeling better - kind of

Lastnight's bitch provided a lot of relief for me. I felt bad and thank you to those who commented.

Recently things have been happening and i've been informed of things that have bothered and upset me greatly. They are bits and peices of things that shake the very foundation of myself and my sense of self peace and I don't like it. I don't like hearing things that make me question my path on life, and that challenge the way i feel about what i've been doing. It's one thing to ask friends over and over for assurance but the most nagging thing is that 'what if?' that creeps back up on you. It bothered me so bad that I had to tell my dad, and he informed me that everything was ok. And i feel tons better.

I had a horrible sleep lastnight. I mean i slept but i had vivid dreams. I woke up with a raging headache and had to get up to take a motrin. I've had a lot of time to think...think about things like life and shit that happens, how some people seem to have it easier....and i sit and wonder and pick my bum over it. And then I realized that other people are just as fucked as I am. They're just fucked in other ways. And that's ok. I live by the notion that 'as bad as you think you have it, somebody's got it worse'.
With SCID, i've always been alone. It's always been a party of one and that's ok with me. I don't mind making up the rules as I go along, and I don't mind paving the way. But I can't stand comparisons. When it comes to being compared to other people, I'd rather separate myself and being alone - and that's ok. When you're alone, you can't get hurt. At the end of the day you have to save yourself. And at the end of the day, you can only rely on you to make yourself feel better.
Enough with the down talk. Sorry.

It's an ok day here today. It's foggy, damp and humid. There are thunderstorm warnings and tornado warnings out all over Souther Ontario, yet up north they're getting a lot of snow. Who knew?

I made my way over to rehab today. Today was a nutritional day. I learned that there were 4 food groups : crap, cancer, heart disease, and confusion. Most of them fall under the category of confusion, a lot of what we eat is crap, and the other 50 percent will give you heart disease or cancer. If you're lucky, you might get all 4, but i sincerely hope not.

I don't really much to post about but I will include some much promised pictures of Howard and my pets. Just b/c.

Howard, after a very long winter. And no, he's not dead: he's thawing.

Maddy and Brooke

Casey; pretty much the best dog ever.

Zoey, where she's not supposed to be.

Aaand Heidi Speidi, looking mad but she's actually not; it's just how she looks

1 comment:

Alice said...

The cats are just the BEST!!!!! Love your descriptions!!!!!!!!! You make me laugh!!!!