My Double Lung Transplant

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Beautiful Saturday

Today I ventured outside to the backyard with Heidi speidi. When it's warm out (like it is) she loves nothing more than to lay on the grass in the sunshine and get brushed. Since she's got fur that's nasty and as thick as sheeps wool (I'm not exaggerating) it's the perfect place for me to brush her for hours on end and pretty much, let her fur fly. It's pretty gross if u brush her inside b/c it gets into EVERYTHING so outside makes a nice safe-haven; plus, she gets to roll in the sunshine and fulfill her life's passion: eating grass.

I read that cats eat grass for medicinal purposes: for upset stomachs (it settles them); if they need vitamins; and it induces vomitting if they have eaten something that needs to be brought up and can't be digested.

Mmm....

So there we sat, Heidi speidi and me, in the glorious sunshine, with 2 of my asshole dogs acting like they've never seen a cat in an outside environment before. They got excited and couldn't stop smelling her - like she was some new thing or something. Heidi hates when the dogs fuss over her, b/c she's easily scared and timid. She hates sudden movements and loud noises, so you can imagine how she felt when my dad came out back and started a small chainsaw to trim the rose bush back.

She freaked out; she shit a brick and instead of running under the deck (which she's done, or she'll run behind bushes and hide forever), she ran up the deck stairs to the sliding door and i let her in the house. She flew to the basement where she's still hiding. Poor thing.

Zoey, being the jealous cat, saw the brush and made an immaculate display infront of me by rolling and looking pretty. She LOVES to be brushed, so i brushed her (even tho she doesn't need it) and she rolled and acted pretty. When i asked her "Are you a pretty girl?" she meowed and rolled over. Now if only she wasn't horrendously fat I wouldn't be so worried. But she is fat and no amount of diet food can change that. I finished brushing her and gave her the brush to hold and she rubbed her cheeks on it. When she's done brushing herself she lays there and bites it.....just b/c apparently.

I woke up today and felt like I had fallen into an industrial mixer. My sides hurt, the tendons above my heels hurt, and i'm sure other portions of me are so sore that they've lost all feeling and i just can't tell how much pain i'm in from rehab yesterday. I went on the bike, the treadmill, some arm pedel thing, i squatted, i marched on the spot, i walked - i did everything. I'm a superhero - an incredibly small superhero. I feel great tho, like this pain is a result of something GOOD instead of being in pain b/c i'm lazy and havent moved like a cow.

Um....what else? Thank you to all 5 people who sent their condolenses about Howard. I am feeling better but there is a twinge of sadness inside of me that yearns to see him sitting at the pond. I don't know what it was about him that made me so - possessive and motherly (i don't even know if Howard is a he, thanks Steven, but my spidey-senses tell me Howard is a he). When I told my dad the news at lunch yesterday he was upset. I don't know how common it is, in the middle of a rural city, nowhere need natural ponds (our pond is dad-made) or anything. Sure there's a strip of forest near by but no water...so the fact that Howard found our pond and chose to spend the rest of his life with us spoke to me. Here he was - this frog, on his own, living in an unnatural, manufactored backyard, but he was living. He was living against incredible odds. He could have hopped away but he chose to stay, he stayed b/c it was comforting and he knew he was safe, and he didn't want to change that.

But look what happened, maybe he stayed too long....he died b/c he probably didn't hibernate correctly. Excuse me for going all university on you but i see a huge correlation between Howard and my transplant situation. Howard is a symbol of hope and change. Had Howard moved somewhere else - albeit unknown territory where survival isn't guraunteed like it is here, but resources in my backyard are limited - he may have survived longer somewhere else. Had I not taken the leap and gotten listed, i'd continue to stay in my comfort zone - where resources about getting better are limited but I know my way around and it's comforting, but survival is only guarunteed for so long. Instead I'm stepping into unknown territory where survival isn't guarunteed for all but your life will be a hell of a lot better. I know I will survive on the new side and I am excited.

How odd is is that the day after i was told I was going to be listed - the day i officially moved forward - Howard died - in the spot he never left b/c it was comforting and it was the only life he knew. Had he moved and gone somewhere else he may still be here....

And had I stayed in my comforting spot, I may not be for much longer...

2 comments:

Kevin said...

Hi Bree!
First, sorry about Howard. Secondly, when I was on "THE LIST" I watched "The Shawshank Redemption" a few times (don't know if you've see it, great movie!). It always made feel good. Couple quotes from movie: "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things"... "Get busy livin or get busy dyin"... I felt like when I was on the list, I was on my way to get busy livin!

Take Care!
Kevin, double lung tx, 12-06

Alice said...

very deep... i like it!