My Double Lung Transplant

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Irrational Fear #700 482 000:


I am terrified of oldness.

I am terrified of getting old, of looking old, of feeling old, of things that once worked not working anymore.

I am terrified of graduating university. I am terrified to lose all the freedom that comes with being ‘youthful’. I will cry when i graduate, and not because i’m not happy, but because I will miss it and the social aspects that come along with being a student.

This is a fear of mine that is pretty prominent in my life at the moment. I like the way I look. I like being 23. If i could be 23 forever – in looks and body – i would. Sure my lungs would be good and brand spankin’ new, but it’d still be me. And i don’t mean to immortalize myself by staying and looking this way forever b/c i died or something, b/c that won’t happen. But is there anything wrong with being a little selfish and conceited in announcing to the world that i think i look pretty damn good the way i am?

Why must aging feel like this? Why must you be so frightening?? My friend Robert speculates that we’ll probably always feel like this, but that it’s ‘your face that takes all the hits’.

I don’t want my face to take any hits. I enjoy it the way it is, thank you very much.

Sure, aging doesn’t change the person, but i dunno. Damnitt fuck i just don’t know.

But this has been another episode of Irrational Fears. I’ve most likely struck a spark in every young person’s mind that reads this, and no doubt offended those who are cool with aging. I love all of you, I just hate the fact that it happens.


And just for the record, my last entry was actually published April 7th. I don't know why blogger chooses to be a bastard and say i posted it monday, april 6th. But it's annoying me. And in case blogger fucks todays date up as well, today is Thurs, April 9, 2009.

1 comment:

Amy said...

It saved the right date!

And I am a fan of the song "save a horse ride a cowboy"

I don't want to get old either. But I think mine stems from knowing I most likely won't get old and the scary thought that what if I DO!