My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, January 30, 2009

Exceptional Loser

I'm taking a mental health day; a "fuck everybody" day if you will. I feel like an exceptional loser today, and here is why.

You may recall me mentioning about applying to some sort of disability since i clearly cannot work? Well, I spoke to the councelors/social workers at both the rehab places and was essentially told that there isn't much I can apply for (aka, NOTHING) since I live with my parents and they pay for everything, and blah blah blah. The only way (unless i did into a pension plan which I don't even know if I have) I could get money is to apply for some sort of rent check - get my parents to charge me rent and the gov't will give me money to cover it, or something like that. I was warned by the social worker that these Ministry of Community people are mean, and they are invasive, and it can take up for 4 months to get money/looked at/approved.

Is that worth it? No. Not in my eyes. Since i'm pretty sure that it's just as much of a bitch to get into as it would be to get out of.

The other option would be to move out and apply for ODSP. I don't want to do that.

The other thing is to claim a shit load of stuff on income tax and get it back. However, it will most likely be my parents that it get it back so I won't benefit from anything ever, and at this moment in time, I am an exceptional loser destined to free-load and mope and go poor and essentially live in a box somewhere behind a dirty factory tucked neatly inside of a snowbank.

Somewhere.

GAH!

I don't know, I know i'm lucky that I live with my parents and that all my bills are covered and la la la, but it's still frustrating. I don't know, it makes me feel like a loser or something, like i'm so dependent on everyone and i can't do anything, and it makes me feel really bad about myself. To top it all off, 2 people I know got tx's on the weekend (Vivian and Lynda), someone else got a call but it was a false alarm, and I feel like no one gives a flying fuck about my time on the list and I'll just eventually die and never get anything out of life. In this moment in time, in this split second of life, yes, i admit, I am having a pity party, and it sucks, b/c my life is completely on hold and there is nothing I can do about anything. I can't. As of yesterday i have been waiting 9 months.

I might regret this post later. I might regret the fact that I'm 23 and I sound like a whiney bitch b/c i feel like my soul is sinking into the shitter. And i might regret the fact that i bitched about being listed for 9 months while everyone i know gets done before my eyes. But you know what, at this point in time, in this very second, I JUST DON'T CARE.

*feels all her saved up Karma disappear*

Fucking great.

**EDIT**

Alrighty, so i've had time to calm down, consume a little macaroni and cheese to redeem myself, and i feel better. I admit that i have a wonderful life, that collecting disability would only be for 'leisure' money, since I am fortunate enough to live with my parents for free. True, I don't want them to have to get everything for me, and i do still have money from when i worked, but it is running out. Oh well, I am rejoicing in the fact that my parents love me enough to have me live with them expense free.

Anywho, here is a little picture that completely made my day. I hope no one is offended by it, b/c i just randomly found it on a facebook event group that i was stalking.

Behold, Jesus holding a baby raptor:





3 comments:

Amy said...

I fucking love you Bree!!!!!!

<3

realgonegal said...

I totally LOST it shortly before my call. In fact, I think it was the night before it happened I actually SMASHED an old shellac record, and damn, it was CATHARTIC! It is totally OKAY and I think normal to let off steam now and again!!!! You are in a tense situation. Much of my frustrations were the same: despite supportive family, the illness was making me feel helpless and powerless waiting.

Natalia Ritchie said...

You don't know me (I just stumbled accross your blog), but when I lived with my parents, I did have ODSP. It's about 1200/month, and you deserve to get it each and every month. You are disabled, and cannot work. Social workers, I find, and full of it. As long as your mom and dad write a note that they expect rent from you, that's all that you need (basically that they cannot afford to keep another adult in their house - often this is true...plus food, gas, etc.). The process will take about 1 week of interviews, which was simple, since a person with CF is on the disability list if their lung function is less than 50%. The people are not mean, they just do their jobs. It's really not a big deal. After that you wait for apporval and money. That can take up to 6 months, but what do you have to lose, you're waiting anyway?! And then, they pay you out for the time you were waiting. If it was 6 months, you get $7200. If you put some of that money away, you will slowly start to have some savings.
Email me if you need help with the process and/or some tips.