My Double Lung Transplant

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dream Big

So i had a big dream today. No, not a mental dream where you're sleeping (helloREM sleep). No, I had a vision that pertained to supper - there was only one thing i felt like and nothing would stand in my way; not lemon chicken and not rice, and definitely not mum and dad. And not my sister and her crazy notions of what is healthy and what is not; and I made an effort to block out the fact that I did have a giant bowl of Poutine at the hosp for lunch.

No, I had a vision, a huge, monstrous dream, and I accomplished it in proportions so epic that I almost exploded: chocolate chip pancakes.

I don't know why I had such an urge for chocolate chip pancakes, but in my minds eye I saw this massive cake the size of a plate bespecked with chocolate. The first pancake was not quite shaped how i envisioned, but the second one was. To claim that it was massive would be a true understatement. It surpassed the size of my plate easily and it was more chocolate than pancake. But when I went to flip it I was struck by an unfortunate accident that resulted in the glorious pancake folding in on itself, and thus, greatly reducing its size and the sense of pride I had internally built up for it.

Nonetheless, it held true to its appearance when I claim it was more chocolate than pancake. There was so much chocolate in this precious gem that I couldn't even finish it. I really truely couldn't. My sister looked at it with horror and I just sat there in disgust with myself. In the end, I had a huge dream (albeit bizarre) and I accomplished it today - no matter how mundane and trivial it may seem!


Today I ventured over to TO. The weather this morning was absolute crap and was so poor that as I drove myself to the car park to meet Dave, I seriously contemplated pulling over on the slushy, icey, SHITE ROADS and crying. My lights on my car SUCK - plain and simple - and i could barely see. It didn't help that the asshole behind me had blazing tank lights that burned through my retinas from behind, and then the people who fly by you in the on-coming lane are no better. With the giant snow flakes raining down to add to it, I wanted to scream I was so overwhelmed. Gah. Not only that, but I didn't sleep at all lastnight ( a night where you see every waking hour - ugh). I had to get up at 6am, to leave at 6:45 am, to meet Dave at 7:15am, to leave for TO. I did luck in though, as there was no line at Timmies. So yay to that.

TGH was good. A lot of people got done over the holidays, and although I see these people on semi-regular basis', I can't for the life me remember a single name. Usually I smile and act like I do, and i feel like a complete dick when they know my name and I just smile like a puppet and nod b/c I can't depend on myself to remember theirs. Oh well.

What else? Oh yes, it was brought to my attention to apply for disability so I can get money b/c I can't work b/c, you know, the whole not-being-able-to-breathe dealio. (Did you know about that?hmm...)So yeah, when i told my dad he looked releived and asked why in hell I havent done it yet, how he's been waiting for me to do it, or at least mention it. I guess in my head, disability was for pussies and was more or less like welfare, wherein if you get on it, it's a bitch to get off of, so I just sat in my poorness and cried whenever i caught a glimpse of my dwindling debit card. And i cursed people who could make and earn money. So yeah, I will go abouts and see getting that started.

Being the horrible and selfish person that I am, my first thought wasn't, "ooh great! i'll use this money to keep in my savings!" No, it was, "OMG DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY BOOKS I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY!?!" And do you know what I did tonight? I MADE A BOOK LIST. I am a sick, sick individual. Jenna told me I have a book addiction (which I argue is more of an affliction than anything), but assured me that it's better than being addicted to crack. So i've got that going for me.

So yes, this has been random and it's really long, but if you must know, here's my new book list:

Northanger Abbey
Mansfeild Park
and North and South.

So there.


Amy said...

Make it the North and South Trilogy and you are all set :) Of course only if it is the books I was telling you about haha!!!!!!

Great dream and glad you could have those pancakes...I'm not a fan of choco chip panckaes but sometimes I get a hankering for something and like you NOTHING can stand in my way haha!!!!!!


Kira said...

I hated goin on disability but after a very short while I got over the bad thoughts after how much it reduced my stress to have money.