My Double Lung Transplant

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Winter jealousy, YAY!


For the most part I hate winter. I hate the coldness of it, I hate the tremendous snowiness of it (sometimes) i hate falling on ice, I hate having to warm up my car, and I hate that it just plain feels like it's hear longer than it actually is. And I hate that i get so out of breathe putting on my coat, boots and mitts!

Now, being Canadian, you'd think I wouldn't feel so stronly against such a season, since you know, we live in Igloos, don't have electricity, have penguins as pets, have different electrical outlets (if we even have them), and wear parkas and so forth, but the fact is, I do. And i've discovered that I feel this way b/c I'm jealous.



I realized that that's exactly what it is today, as I watched my sister struggle into a pair of snowboarding pants, b/c her and her bf are going snowboarding. Usually, I never let this stuff bother me, b/c i'm not athletic, and i hate being in the cold and stuff, but as I left my sister on the floor to fend for herself (as i went to McDonalds), I got a whiff of the cold air and saw the snowflakes falling outside of the garage, and was suddenly taken back...

You know how they say that certain scents, images, and feelings can trigger memories? Well that moment did. Suddenly, I had a very vivid memory of my sister and cousins and I on my nana and papa's farm as kids, in our snowsuits, fucking around on the snowmobile, and going tobogganning down the hill on the lane. And what i remembered the most was that i wasn't held back, my lungs didn't affect me the way they do now. Then, i could run and be an ass in the snow, and i didn't care about how cold it was b/c i could enjoy it.

Now, I can't go snowboarding or anything b/c god, i'd fucken die getting the outfit on for one. But im just so used to feeling this way - this, 'i can't' - that I never let it bother me. But today, it did. Suddenly, i wanted to go snowboarding, or just do something to enjoy the winter.

I became a jealous bitch.

And you know what? I'm glad of it, b/c it feels like the option and capacity of being able to do that stuff is coming soon! Hopefully next winter i will be able to do that stuff. Hell, hopefully at some point this winter i WILL be able to do it! And that excites me. And maybe i'll stop hating the winter so much!

So yay!

1 comment:

Amy said...

What you have the same outlets as us? No fucking way LMFAO!!!!!!

I hear ya on the jealousy thing. But fuck if you can't be jealous and want what others have what's the point of living haha!!!

Soon my love soon!!