My Double Lung Transplant

Friday, June 6, 2008

I'm melting I'm melting...!

...Oh what a world, what a world!

It feels like hell outside it's so hot. The air must be 1000% humidity and 0% air. It's sweltering and if you stand in the sun you'll prob go up in flames, but i completely love it.

Welp by now you all know that Krys to the tal is back from Icey-Land and that we're all ectatic and all that. Last night we all went over to Krystal and Tara's and ate ate ate and got silly silly silly. It was a goreous night out and we spent about 2 hours outside watching a lightning storm. I made several failed attempts to get pics of the lightning but it never happened. My camera hates me. I am destined to never get a snap shot of lightning ever.


It's ok though, b/c we spent the night being silly and loud, and at one point I got the bright idea that we should lay in the middle of the road 'like whales' and take pics, and we did. I am covered in mosquito bites today (albeit none on my toes this time - yay!)And it was fun, and suprisingly we werne't under the influcence of any alcohol but i'm pretty sure it doesn't look that way. Regardless, it was great to be with my favourite girlies and to have some fun in the summer weather. We agreed that we all feel complete now that Krystal has returned to Canada.

Today was goreous. It was 34 and felt like 40, and while it was sweltering i loved it. It was so hot that I was exhausted from doing absolutely nothing and had a little nap on the couch as Oprah was on TV. As I was drifting off I could hear Oprah talking about Barbie and slowly my thoughts turned to Gymnastics Barbie (c. 1996 me thinks), and suddenly, I was doing backflips and my leg kicked out and i kicked the table in front of me right in the leg. And thankfully i was alone b/c it probably would have frightened someone.

Tonight was the night that things are made of: we had the gazebo twinkle lights on, it was hot and humid and i could smell the faint scent of citronella, freshly cut grass, and my shampoo and conditioner. I let my hair dry naturally and I loved nothing more than being outside soaking up the essence that is summer. I just plain fucking love it. This is what i live for. I didn't give a shit about any thing or any one, I was in the moment and it was perfect.

I remember on nights like this when we were kids, the kids in my neighbourhood would play Hide and Seek for hours on end. We'd run to our hearts content, and no amount of tiredness could stop us and make us go inside. I remember laying in the dewy grass and looking at fireflies and watching the stars...trying to see shooting stars and beleiving that we did even though we probably didn't. I miss the days when nothing mattered I guess...when nothing was holding me back.

Tonight when i sat on the deck, I wasn't a prisoner of my condition. I didn't think about it and I didn't feel it. I cannot wait for the day that I wake up and the constant pressure that feels like a cement slab that's laying on my chest is gone. I just want to be free of this. I think it's time.

I'm excited for my transplant.

I'm excited to feel like a 22 year old and not like an 80 year old woman.

I am a worrior.


Maybe i've said too much.


Matt Todd said...

Here's the secret to taking lightning pictures, or at least what has worked for me. I'm not sure what kind of camera you have and if it will even let you do what i am about to describe. But here goes. Put the camera on a tripod. Set the camera to manual. Set the shutter speed to bulb or B and set the aperture to f/8 or somewhere close to that. If you have a lot of ambient light in the are you might want to go with a f5.6 or something around there. The next part is preferable done if you have a shutter release cable, if not just be really still when you do it. Hold down the shutter relase button until you see a good bolt of lightning that you like and then let it go. This should let you get the entire bolt and you don't have to worry about timing right. Which is usually the biggest problem since we're usually too slow and just get a picture of black sky. That's whats worked for me and from my research has worked for others. Those are some results I've had with that method.

Alice said...

SOOO glad you had such a good night!!! It was nights like those that totally kept me going while on the list... It just keeps you sane... You're making me miss summer like hell!!!

BreathinSteven said...

Hey You!!!

You ARE a warrior, Bree... I don't know you that well - but I can tell you love life - I can tell you cherish being alive... I can tell your friends cherish you...

Fuck lung disease!!! It wasn't invited and it has no business being in your life - and as a warrior, you'll take it out...

Keep fighting, buckaroo - we're all cheering for you...