The Impossible Dream?

I wanna be self-sustaining.

But in today's society that seems pretty much to be impossible. Unfortunately for someone like myself, who kind of lives in alternate mind-frame and hates the way society is going, being self-sustaining seems to be impossible. Where would i come up with half a mil to buy land to plant crops, buy an old stone farm house and restore it, and where would i get the energy to do all this? Ironically enough, it isn't the self-energy that i'm afraid of running out of; b/c I won't, b/c i'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I am a superhero with lungs of Awesome, and i'm not running out of steam any time soon.

It's the 'how do i go about this', dealio.

I don't know why my brain is so consumed with living like it was 100 years ago. There's just something so beautiful about being able to whole-heartedly say, "I did this. I grew this. This is mine and I am keeping myself alive." and yadda yadda (word up to the meds who are doing an excellent job at keeping me alive too). Everyone knows - next to being a superhero - that I love to bake and cook and all that, and i'm trying to get into preserving stuff (who knew locating jars was so hard? and who knew some people in the fam could be so hell-bent about where said jars and preserved goodness should be stored?), but while i have all the time in the world, it seems like i have no time at all.

I am caught in the middle. While i'd like to think i could live and function like it was 1909, the reality is i could only do so with a laptop at my side. I went 2 days w/o internet b/c the modem suddenly turned into a douchebag over night, and i was pretty close to having grand mal seizures from lack of contact with friends ( i don't make phone calls; i hate calling ppl. i prefer texting/fb-ing/msn-ing).

So i dunno. This entry is giant glob of 'i don't know' I guess.

Are some people naturally inclinded to feel this way? Nature vs. Nurture? I beleive it. I beleive there are things that are internally ingrained in us that can be sparked by one small thing, and that one small thing and that tiny spark can evolve into something bigger than we could ever imagine. I'm like that with cooking and playing piano and spidey senses (laugh if u must!). Not sure who in my family had 'em but someone musta passed them along to me. There are just things I know how to do w/o being taught, and ways to go about things/living that are just easier and more practical to me than the world around me allows it to be.

All i want is to live in a stone house in a forest maybe, where I can be self-staining and happy, and i can walk and exercise my lungs of awesome, and bake, and cook, and make pickles and jam and cool shit, and read, and write books. B/c that would make me happy b/c to me, that is the epitomy of happiness.

Or, living out east - or in BC near the rainforest.

A girl can dream, eh?

Oh and i would like to take a train. Random, but worth noting.

I think that's it for today. Class dismissed.