I have bit my pride

You all will be happy to know that yesterday i bit my pride and let someone do something for me. Yes, yes, I have finally admitted to you all and to my parents that I cannot do everything anymore, and it's easier to submit and admit to the fact that you are no longer fully able to do things than to plow through and hurt yourself by being stubborn.

It starts like this: my mum washed my bedding yesterday and put it on the line for me. When it came off she brought it up to my room and offered to make my bed for me. I told her thank you, but I could do it myself, knowing full well it would take me the greater part of an hour, and would involve much out of breathness and pain and dizziness and unhappiness. But i was used to it, so why should today be any different, right?

Well, I took some things off my bed - pillows - and even that small act left me in pain and gasping. This 21% lung function business is no jokes, it's really horrible, and I wasn't looking forward to making my bed but it had to be done. And after that I could at least rest for an hour whilst doing meds, before i did the other task of showering.

My mum called up the stairs, "Do you want me to help you?"

*holds breathe* "...Ok...if you're not busy..."

*smiles* "Of course not. It won't take long"

She went to one end and I essentally sat at the foot of my bed and put the sheets on down there. Even tho i was sitting i was still out of breath. My accomplished bed making in 3 minutes - 57 minutes faster than I ever could've. I was amazed; stumped even. But i was happy that i finally let go of my pride and admitted that I can't make my own bed anymore b/c basically, it makes me want to die, lol.

But as they say, "the first step in acceptance is admitting that you have a problem!"

This 21% lung function business is really no jokes. I can't do much anymore. I just sit here, and i read, and thankfully since I am small I don't take up too much space, so that's a plus. Today I am having mac and cheese again for lunch. I woke up wanting pancakes but waited too long and the urge to make them left me. Maybe another day...

Yesterday was fabulous. It felt like summer and there was a strong breeze. The breeze was loud and it sounded like waves at the beach. I spent all day on the deck reading Galway Bay, thinking, reflecting, journalling. I got humbled by my mum, enlightened by some talks with great friends, and overall, had a great day that left me feeling very, very happy:)

I made Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Squares topped with melted chocolate sauce the other day. To say that the recipe is so fantastic and immaculate is not a lie: this recipe is so good that men could give birth.

Would you like it? Well here it is:

Ingredients:
1 cup corn syrup
1 cup tightly packed brown sugar
1 cup peanut butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
7 cups Rice Krispie Squares

butter a 13x9 pan or whatever you have handy.

In large pot cream together corn syrup and brown sugar. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Once boiling, remove from the heat and add the peanut butter and the vanilla. Mix until smooth and gradually add the Rice Krispies. As the mix binds it will become harder to stir, which means it's almost done!

Transfer rice krispie mix from large pot to your buttered pan. Smooth it out until desired thickness.

In small saucepan, melt 1 tablespoon butter, and add 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips. Melt together until smooth. Pour over and spread across rice krispie squares. Cut rice krispie squares into squares.

And then eat them all. :)