Flash Virgin

Welp, they did not lie when they called this snowstorm "Snowmageddon". It definately sucks. And it's definately awesome at the same time. And it definately looks like the end of the world outside.

I left Jenna's last night after our Pizza night with the girlies. I had horrible back pain again, and it just kept getting worse. By midnight i felt paralyzed, or like i had fallen into a cement mixer and been torn up. I took 1 tylenol 2 at midnight and it did nothing for me except get stuck in my throat and taste awful. I woke up at 5am and felt worse. I hoped the snowstorm was raging so that i wouldn't have to go to rehab.

Alas, I woke up at 7 am and nothing. Not a snowflake, not a wind, not a nuffin. I had to go. Fuck. Just as i was leaving it started up, and it didn't start up slowly, it just came raging in from the hell it came from and it was like immediate white out conditions.

As i made it into the city where rehab is, i turned to take the bridge that leads to the hosp. YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEE THE HOSP (which looks like an asylum, lets be honest). It had all but diappeared in the wall of snowstorm. But i had ulterior motives to this trip: i really wanted to see the resp. doc to find out what was wrong with me. I woke up today and i couldn't sit up. I can't arch my back or straighten up at all. I'm in a perminant slouching position like a grumpy old man. The only thing that would top this was if i was bald and in a wheelchair. But i'm not.

I told Rhonda that i wasn't feeling well so she paged for Lori to come see me. I was squandered to the back corner and the curtain was drawn to hide me from the world. Lori soon came and as soon as i started telling her what was wrong with me, I started to cry b/c the pain was so bad. She was so kind and sweet that it made me cry more, and she touched my back and said it was definately pleurisy.

The pleurisy this time is different from the last time, wherein the last time i swore i had been mysteriously shot by a musket in the dead of night, and this time i feel like i have been squeezed and shoved into a machine that has torn up all my back muscles. Except the pain is in my ENTIRE back and it ends at the bottom of my ribs. It's also at the top part of my arms (that line up with the top lobes of your lungs) and it's up the back of my neck and the side of it, and then in both front upper lobes.

I walk like i have a stick up my ass. I can't bend over and my thighs are sore b/c i can't stand up straight. It really is shitty, but i'm glad i have it confirmed that i am once again struck by the almighty hand of pleurisy.

So Lori called my respirologist and told her i was plagued again, and said i was taking Tylenol 2 (i took 2 when i got home and they are working!) I was told to start Cipro and will call that tomorrow. I don't want to drive in this shit anymore. My respirologist said that if it gets worse I have to get admitted into the hosp.YIKES! When all was said and done, i was on my merry way and back out into the winter wonderland, where i had to clean my car again.

The snow is falling at such a rate and is blowing so hard that I had to pull over 3 times to brush off my back window and remove the ice that formed under my wipers. I repeatedly saw people park at red lights, get out, and wipes their cars off b/c the snow was accumulating so fast. I fishtaled at 2 intersections (and didn't freak out or cry, yay!) and I drove all the way home at 50km/h. And no i don't have snow tires, my dad claims they are 'all season' tires, aka, they've been on the fucken car for the last 16 years.The wind bites it's so cold, but what can you do? My papa called and was shocked to hear that i had gone to rehab, and was shocked to hear my sister had gone to work in another city. He was so shocked that he exclaimed, in typical Papa fashion, "I don't know why people don't just stay the hell inside". He then informed me that he would sit by the phone and worry until I called him letting him know my sister had made it safely home.

And to make it more exciting, when I was crossing a bridge to get home, i flashed someone to let them know to cross it first! I've never flashed anyone before and it was tres exciting! WEEEEEEEE!

So that ends it for this long wintery painful entry. Before I go I must add that as I dropped Krystal off at her place last night, I saw a bunny!!!!!!!!! I havent seen one in a long time and was shocked to see one in December. It was even more special seeing as Owen had been born the day before. It was as if K was letting us know that she's still here and knows what's going on, and just saying, "i'm still here". :)

And i'm glad i could scroll my window down fast enough, stick part of my hand out, and scream "BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!" at Krystal without scaring it off!!

Cleaning this place up..

God there's so much crap in this place that I can barely see through it all. I got rid of some pics, changed the archive thingy, added a pic behind the title (does that look stupid? can you even read the title and my slogan?) and am generally a little more happy with the way this place looks.

I have been contemplating changing the layout/template/whatever the hell it is from black to something else. But that would be a huge overhaul on my part and lets not lie to ourselves, I'm a lazy human being and technology fills me with rage, and the thought that I would change over my blog template and potentially lose all my bloggy goodness scares the absolute shite out of me, so for now, we're sticking with the basics: colour changes, a picture here and there, and that's about it. It's a blog for Christ's sake, not an essay or a thesis or some special gov't document, and although I'm jealous and envious that Meghann went and changed her format I am too afraid to do it myself. So Meghann and her new blog templateness can just go to hell.

Hmph.

A year ago today was the first day of my transplant evaluation. HOLY CRAP. A thought struck me while I was lazing on the couch, that what if I don't get the call soon and they need to re-evaluate me? I WOULD SHIT. And I wouldn't shit out shit, and I wouldn't shit a brick either, I'd shit a small elf from my shock and melt into the floor. The worst memory of the eval is a tie for two tests: the lung perfusion where I was convinced I was going to die, and the one where they take a pic of your heart and you peddle on this bike, and when i did it, my hospital gown came undone and my boob popped out and i couldn't move to change it so i peddled on my back along with Boob Solo and it was at the moment that I wished nothing more for the giant magnet machine to suddenly detach from the ceiling and land on me. But it didn't happen and alas I am still here. And i'm happy. Boob exposure notwithstanding.

Oh yeah, the horrible arterial blood gas that rendered me crippled in the left arm for a couple of days is up there too. So that's 3. God, feeling like you've been punched in the ulna sucks.

Like a dark cloud and its ability to loom in the background for everyone, Pleurisy is waiting behind my back again. I can feel it there....i have that dull pain again that gets worse if i walk or do something (like cleaning my room which i just did. Gah the pain!) I woke up and felt like i had been crushed by the hands of a giant around the ribs. I took 2 advils, then realized what the pain was, and thought i probably could've taken a motrin instead but what can you do? Nuffin muffin.

Um what else? Apparently there's some giant snowstorm coming tonight/tomorrow with up to 20 cm of snow and winds up to 70 km. They called it "Snomageddon" on the news. I'm a fan of the snowstorms myself, since i can't shovel and i can stay inside and watch people do it instead. And since i'm morbid I highly enjoy wind and destruction. It's supposed to start tonight and I have rehab tomorrow so we'll see if i'm able to go. Tonight is also a pizza night with the girlies at Jenna's so I hope that's fun. I'll bring my pleurisy along and all should be merry.

That's about it really. I can't beleive it's almost 4 o'clock. When did that happen?

Here he is!

Look at this precious creature! Is he not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow??

Aaaaaaaand b/c I'm a classy lady, here's the spatula that i ate a peice out of:

Yup. I'm a winner.

Welcome to the world...

Little Owen William Edward!

My friend Jess, who i was a bridesmaid for this past summer, finally had Owen! She was due last friday, and never popped. It didn't matter what she did, or what she took, she wouldn't go into labour, and if she hadn't gone into labour by the end of this week, she was going to be induced.

Well finally, she had him! I am so excited! He's got brown hair and dimples and I'm sure he's absolutely perfect! Like my new toothbrush and my scarf, I'm telling everyone who's willing to listen. I don't care if you're a dog or a cat or an elf, if you have ears i'm going to tell you. I don't care if you don't speak English either: you're being informed and you can just shut the hell up about it. I am going to visit around 6 tonight and may post a pic of this precious bundle of Christmas joy!

I'm sticking to my promise to bring Jess a bag of Ketchup chips and pepsi, and I don't think i'll be allowed to bring in a bottle of Jack Daniel's like I promised.

That may have to wait....

Until then, I'M AN AUNT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**UPDATE**
In my excitement over baby Owen's arrival, I made some peanut butter rice krispie squares (with chocolate drizzled over top!). Upon eating some mix off the spoon, I noticed soon after that there was a mark on the top of the spoon with a bite in the shape of teeth.

I ate some spatula:(

I cannot frigging beleive it.

I ATE PART OF A SPATULA.

I give up.

Merry Christmas from the dentist

I got a call this morning from the dentist informing me that I was due for an appt, and that they just so happened to have an opening today at 1:10 pm. Perfect. I had a Christmas party to attend that I really didn't want to go to, and this was the best excuse ever - b/c it's not an excuse it's real. WEEEEEEE!

I get to the dentist office and I wait. I overhear the secretary telling a patient who she was on the phone with that the next available appt wasn't until Jan 23 of '09. I lucked in! (or is it out? this always confuses me). So i get back there and it's all talk, and the one dentist who's not a dentist (the ones who clean your teeth) tells me she's sad to see that I still have my pager. I tell her hopefully soon i won't need it anymore, and that the next time they see me I'll be breathing with new lungs!

So i got my dental x-rays, then cleaning, then saw the dentist who went over everything with me. EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT! WEEEEEEE! He says that my teeth look great, that I do have a wisdom tooth just below the gum but that it won't likely break through if it hasn't already come in. I said i can feel it if i touch it, but just assumed that it was an extension of my molar. I also stressed that i'm glad that it's a tooth and not a twin that never formed. How horrible would that be?

They let me go at this morbid thought, gave me the papers to mail to insurance (and i was thrilled to see that i'm no longer listed at male and named Brian!) and I merely skipped/coughed my way to my parking spot as fast as I could muster, mailed a card to Grant, and came home to brag to everyone who would listen to me about how amazing my appt was and how special I am.

And i scored a sweet toothbrush too, which is great b/c the other night I was thinking that I needed a new one, and was wondering when I'd go to the dentist so I could get a free one. Now i've got one! YAY!

Sunday night was the 2nd annual Booze and Bake 2008 with my friends! A tradition that started last year, where all us girlies get together to bake and drink and exchange gifts. I truely have the bestest friends in the world. I had such a blast and I love these girls so much that I wouldn't be able to function without them. I gave everyone cups with chocolates in them and pics of us, and I got a wicked amazing scarf from Chantel. A scarf she knit and I fucking love it. I love it so much i wear it everywhere, and I tell everyone how much I love it and that it was made for me and that they possibly can't have anything better than this b/c it's mine! Then I got 2 amazing books - one on the histories worst diseases from Katey (the one i blogged about! then deleted coz i thought it was stupid) and a book on Marie Antoinette from Krystal, and a beautiful picture and frame from Jenna!

I love you ladies dearly! You are my world!

So all things considering, I am a pretty blessed person to have such amazing people in my life, and the extra vote of confidence coming from the dental aspect of my life is greatly appreciated as well. Overall, today has been great!

Next step: convincing my dad to get some firewood so we can use the fire place! Hope everyone's had a great day!:)

Transplant Journey

I initially came across this video last year at work, and up until now, I havent been able to find it.

While searching the web I went to Merv's site (http://www.mervsheppard.blogspot.com/), and was browsing his links. I came across the link Transplant Journey and knew instantly that i had found the site that held this precious video.

It isn't a single video anymore but rather, pictures with audio to them, that chronicles what it's like to wait for an organ, getting the call, the surgery, and also it films a mothers heartwrenching decision to take her son off life support and donate her son's organs. It is profound, and will stay with you for a very long time.

If anything, it gives people a better understanding of what organ donation entails. It doesn't begin when you get the call; it begins when you find out that need a transplant to go on with life.

If you have time, I encourage everyone to check out the link: http://www.organtransplants.org/journey/. If you click on the pictures the audio sometimes will come up. You can also read the stories.

Thanks.

Winter jealousy, YAY!

WOOT.

For the most part I hate winter. I hate the coldness of it, I hate the tremendous snowiness of it (sometimes) i hate falling on ice, I hate having to warm up my car, and I hate that it just plain feels like it's hear longer than it actually is. And I hate that i get so out of breathe putting on my coat, boots and mitts!

Now, being Canadian, you'd think I wouldn't feel so stronly against such a season, since you know, we live in Igloos, don't have electricity, have penguins as pets, have different electrical outlets (if we even have them), and wear parkas and so forth, but the fact is, I do. And i've discovered that I feel this way b/c I'm jealous.

WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME? JEALOUS? NEVER.

I realized that that's exactly what it is today, as I watched my sister struggle into a pair of snowboarding pants, b/c her and her bf are going snowboarding. Usually, I never let this stuff bother me, b/c i'm not athletic, and i hate being in the cold and stuff, but as I left my sister on the floor to fend for herself (as i went to McDonalds), I got a whiff of the cold air and saw the snowflakes falling outside of the garage, and was suddenly taken back...

You know how they say that certain scents, images, and feelings can trigger memories? Well that moment did. Suddenly, I had a very vivid memory of my sister and cousins and I on my nana and papa's farm as kids, in our snowsuits, fucking around on the snowmobile, and going tobogganning down the hill on the lane. And what i remembered the most was that i wasn't held back, my lungs didn't affect me the way they do now. Then, i could run and be an ass in the snow, and i didn't care about how cold it was b/c i could enjoy it.

Now, I can't go snowboarding or anything b/c god, i'd fucken die getting the outfit on for one. But im just so used to feeling this way - this, 'i can't' - that I never let it bother me. But today, it did. Suddenly, i wanted to go snowboarding, or just do something to enjoy the winter.

I became a jealous bitch.

And you know what? I'm glad of it, b/c it feels like the option and capacity of being able to do that stuff is coming soon! Hopefully next winter i will be able to do that stuff. Hell, hopefully at some point this winter i WILL be able to do it! And that excites me. And maybe i'll stop hating the winter so much!

So yay!