The Last (Supper)

Today was Friday which meant rehab which means that I SAW McINTERN! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mum came with me b/c i was under the impression that at 11:30 I was meeting Dr. Eric Clapton to sign some forms (aptly called End of Life forms incase I die - which will never happen b/c i'm immortal) and I found out it's a lie: we got together to discuss what to do if i come close to dying.

Fucking liar. Geeze.

But you guys don't care about that - you want to hear about McIntern and I shall elaborate.

He looked completely gorgeous today. No scrubs, just black pants and a black dress shirt topped with 100% gorgeousness. His hair appeared straighter than it's usual waviness, but he was still sexy and delicious nonethless. And i managed to look good too, except after lunch i was bloated and had the farts really bad, and I even had to escape the room at one point so i could fart 10lbs out of my ass and resume looking relatively good on a treadmill.

There wasn't much socializing today b/c he was doing paperwork, which gave me ample staring time. And stare and stare I did. When i was on my last rehab thing for the day, he came and talked to me for like 10 minutes straight when I was on the treadmill. TEN MINUTES OF COMPLETE GORGEOUSNESS, FLIRTING, LAUGHING, EVERYTHING BUT MAKING BABIES PERFECTNESS. He was so close and so gorgeous that I could smell him and I probably died a little on the inside from happiness.

"I feel like I haven't seen you much this week!" he said.
"I know! Where were you Weds? I saw you a little bit but then you disappeared!"
"I actually had to go to a patient on the general floor and it took a lot longer than I thought. I noticed when I reviewed your chart that you took a break while you were on the bike the last time. Are you feeling ok?"
*melts* "...The usual....i'm a little tight b/c I started a new med"
*deep brown eyes fill with concern* "Oh that's not good...well, I've set new goals for you...I want you to be walking on the treadmill at level 2..."
"You're trying to kill me"
*laughs* "No, I think you can do it; and I also want you to lift 4lb weights instead of 2"
"I thought I was supposed to stay the same the whole time"
"Well no I set new goals for you."
"And you're just telling me now....Shouldn't I consent to these goals before you set them?"
*laughs* "That's why I'm telling you now"
"We'll see what I can do"

I decided to change the subject.
"So are you in school all year around?"
"Yea...I actually go back Tuesday...I feel so weird not wearing my scrubs!"
"I noticed! Why aren't you wearing them?"
"I handed them in: today's my last day."

*DIES*

"OH NO! How come?" *trying to not be completely obvious that i'm crushed*
"B/c the internship is up...and now I go back."

And that's when the world ended. I had 3 minutes left on the treadmill and I got to spend it with him, but I am happy that they were spent with him. I am crushed; I am saddened, but I got a chance to say goodbye and that I wished him well when I left. And i flashed him a huge smile on my way out.

"Goodbye, I love you!" I whispered/yelled when I was in the hallway with my mum. She laughed. Oh i'm so sad - no one knows how sad I am:( I cannot beleive I am this in-love with an intern! But somehow, I know our paths will cross again someday. I just know it and I feel it.

I didn't get a picture of him, I didn't get his email nor did I give him mine. We both have facebook and hopefully he will find me and add me. My heart is heavy. Woe is me.

*tear*

I will admit though that when I was on the treadmill I could feel the hotness radiating from his body and felt a real connection with him - like maybe that he actually likes me and has a crush on me, and that he's sad that he's leaving.

Do not worry my readers, for I have a plan up my sleeve for Tuesday. There is another intern at rehab whom I am friends with, and I plan on confessing my love for him to her and I will either give her my email to give to him (i hope she knows it or at least knows something!) and if not...I know what uni he goes to and where it is! At least I am in the same city as him 3 times a week....

He will always know where to find me.....And i honestly hope that he does.

Day 15 of being listed.

I'm such a fucking idiot!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I HATE MYSELF IMMENSELY RIGHT NOW. I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!!!

*screams*

*cries*

*kicks small children out of the way*

Ok let me begin. I woke up at 8 today...thinking, "Grand, I have time to catch the 8:55 bus" so i get ready, get dressed, do meds, make-up, hair, blah blah and am good to go. I filled my oxygen tank up and was on my way.

I drove to where i catch the bus, and i run up to the stop (running is a horrible idea i've discovered) and i looked up at the Greyhound sign. It read something like, "Pick up and drop off from 5:30am-8:30am, 5:30 pm" or something. I remembered I caught the bus last Wednesday at this spot after 8:30 for the 8:55 bus...

Or did I?

I unzipped my bag and whipped out my bus schedule. I couldn't turn it over fast enough to look at the morning schedule, but when I did, my fears had been confirmed....

There is no 8:55 bus. There is an 8am bus, and then a 9:55 bus, the one I usually catch down the street.

So I missed it.

Fuck.

Do you know what this means? It means that I have to catch the 9:55am bus which puts me in at TO at 11:25am...which means I will miss a good portion of the support group that McIntern goes to, which means less gawking and less time for leg touching and 'getting to know you/getting to know all about you' b/c i planned on being in there early b/c i had a feeling he would show up early too...

And my plans are now all but distroyed.

B/c I am a fucking idiot.

Regardless, I will stil go to the rest of the meeting (if i can make it on time). Hopefully he will talk to me afterwards. Maybe he won't even go today, which would be great, b/c it would mean that I didn't miss him or anything.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Cry with me people......Cry with me.

Day 15 of being listed

The Almost Encounter

Today I complained to McIntern about the snapping that occurs above my kneecap. He said that after I was done rehab he might have to look at it. Hearing this, i felt like an absolute genius to shaving my legs last night. Well, unfortunately he was busy after rehab and I didn't want to bother him so the contact will have to wait until Weds - which is ok, b/c I see him Weds in the morning AND the afternoon. Woo.

There were no Stupid New People today and no Stupid New Interns to be bothered with, but he kind of floated about which was ok. Sometimes it's ok that he's not with me the entire time b/c i find some exercises embarassing - like squatting and needing to stick your ass like you have to fart. He came and checked on me every so often and I made him laugh a whole, which felt great. He told me i should go a little faster on the treadmill b/c i didn't look like i was having issues, so when i bumped the number up one he bumped it up another, and i told him that when he comes back and checks my sats and sees that they're low, I'll know who to blame. And sure enough after 5 minutes when he came back they were low, and I pointed and said, "Look what you did" and he laughed and it was completely sexual.

I couldn't fall asleep lastnight and alas i am tired today. Plus my chest has felt tight all day. McIntern was up late as well, I found out, playing hockey with beer buddies which was why he was tired. I should have presented him with the option of us sneaking out and finding a room to 'rest' but that would have been a little obvious. At least there's Weds where he will have the chance to touch my leg - so we'll see.

I was sad to leave and not say good bye directly to him, but at the same i don't want to be completely obvious that i think he's incredibly hot so he'll have to wait till Weds to see me. I have a good feeling about this.

And that is all I am disclosing.

I wore my new shirt today. It was ok...but i'm worried it looks more like a maternity shirt than something sexy. Also, i think my deodorant is utter crap b/c i certainly reeked today and it was awful. Plus, the back of my arms look fat. Must deal with that appropriately and get deodorant that does its job. I hate when deodorant does the complete opposite and makes you smell like you crawled out of a swamp or that someone shat in your armpits. Ugh.

Wednesday it's supposed to be warm and I shall wear my new work out capri pants. And i will shave my legs tomorrow night no matter how little hair has grown back.

I must be prepared.

Day 13 of being listed!

I'll shave my legs just in case you touch them...

I shaved my legs today for tomorrow's rehab excursion...just in case McIntern for some reason has to touch and/or look at them and/or perform all of the above. It'd be pretty embarassing if i went to rehab and had hairy legs and he touched them then....one can imagine the mortification i would feel if that occured.

There are countless reasons why McIntern would touch my legs: 1) i DO have an issue with my knee cap snapping at the top when i extend it. It happens to both actually and it's quite annoying and borderline painful. When it happens tomorow (b/c it always does) i'll point it out; 2) incase i pull a muscle somewhere. Why? I dunno really...why not?

So far those are the only two reasons why he would touch my legs....that and of course if he sees me doing something wrong with my legs and has to show me how to properly do it. That's acceptable. It's also more the reason to go to rehab and look better than everyone else.

Yesterday I went shopping. I bought 2 shirts that are perfectly acceptable to wear to rehab. I bought them with McIntern in mind but also for myself b/c they are comfy casual and stylish. I look forward to wearing them and showing them off....my biggest fear is that this crush o' mine will get out of hand and McIntern will not like me back "in that way". How horrible would that be? I mean i'd get over it and have to accept it but craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. I am trying to not think about it but i am aware that it is a possibility.

Today is Mothers Day. Happy Mothers' Day, mum. I should be down stairs with the fam jam but once again nana and papa are over (which is fine) but like always they're watching golf and it's pretty fricken boring. No alligators today on the golf course, and my papa has yet to refer to Zoey as a hermaphrodite.

So far the day is going well.

Also, I heard my aunt and uncle have 'like 10 frogs' in their pond at their place, so I plan on sending someone out there to capture one or two for me. I myself am a mother - even if it's not to any human babies. I have my cats, Heidi and Zoey, and I am also the greiving mother to my late amphibian son Howard who sadly lost his life in a tragic pond accident.

That's it for now. More shanannigans tomorrow. Promise.

Hot Intern Alert day 3: The Separation

Today McIntern and I were separated, all b/c some stupid new person came in and had to be shown the ropes of rehab which meant he was wrenched from my arms and thrown into the path of another. And I was sad.

I spent all day staring at McIntern...usually his back was facing me b/c he was teaching Stupid New Person, but that was ok, b/c it allowed me to stare at him and study his manly body. I was always in eye-shot of him which made me feel immense pleasure. McIntern always knew where I was in the room, and at one point, when I was finished dying at the treadmill after my 20 minutes was up, I saw him turn around bewildered, looking for me in the wilderness of the physio room, and I saw the ease meet his face when he spotted where I was....staring at him. It was ok though.

He came over a couple of times to check on me, but he had to return to Stupid New Person to show them what to do. And alas, there was no laughter from McIntern today b/c he wasn't with me - he always laughs when he's with me, and it's something I treasure deeply.

When I began the day on the bike, he came over to check on me, which was grand. My pulse krept up, my heart stopped, and I think i stopped breathing which was ok. He said the tension on my bike was too high which was why i felt like I was dying (when they asked me what my short-of-breathness felt like on the BORG scale (scale to measure short-of-breathness) i told them 'death' but they said they couldn't include death on the BORG scale so I had to settle on a number that was actually on it). McIntern came over, changed the tension to put my wee heart and lungs at ease, and we shared an intense moment of intimacy (staring and giggles) before he departed to the other side of the room to be with Stupid New Guy and Stupid New Intern who stole my yellow chart.

All day he looked over his shoulder to look at me. All i day I stared at him, and when I went to leave (bummed out that our day together had come to an end yet again) we talked a little before I left. I wanted to squeeze and take advantage of him, but i willed myself into paralysis so I wouldn't act on impulse. I told him about being trapped in a 3 hour traffic jam on Weds, and he laughed at everything I said and our eyes met....and then we took our clothes off and went into a separate room....

No. Wait we didn't. That was in my head.

Our eyes did meet and he laughed and he wanted to know where the traffic jam was. I told him a tractor trailer full of paper rolled over on the exit ramp going into my city, and he said he hopes that doesn't happen again today and he made sure I had enough O2 to get home with. I really wanted to say I'd have enough O2 with me if he came home with me, but alas that will be saved for the future.

I cannot wait until Monday.

Until then I am sad:(

Welp yesterday I had a respirology appt. I got prescribed iron (which made me mad), a just-in-case antibiotic (which made me mad just b/c) and another antibiotic that i have to take (which made me incredibly mad). This antibiotic has to be nebbed and it is called Tobi (Tobramycin for you ppl not in the know).

Tobi can cause voice loss, hearing loss, kidney failure, vision failure, and a whole lotta other fun stuff. The most common is voice loss (temporarily) which I can deal with - McIntern may even like that when he sees me on Monday. I can tell you now that it tastes like chemical poison and if anyone who hasn't been sick before ever got a hold of this, it tastes like something you probably shouldn't be ingesting. Honestly, it tastes like distilled tequila with bad stuff in it. Oh yeah, and it was $3600. Yup. Thank god for health insurance or else I woulda left this.

Everyone teslls me it makes you cough. Well so far nothing. Not a cough, not a drop, not a nuffin. We'll have to see. My doc felt I had an infection that could not be treated with oral meds (pills) so I am taking this.

Oh well.

That's all for now. I have to finish taking this crap and I am nursing my saddened spirit over not spending enough time with McIntern today...

If only we could have touched.....*le sigh*

Hot intern alert

Holy fuck people; I don't know if this is allowed but I have a hot intern...he's like a brown Josh Groban and completely sexy and completely young and he definately touched my wrist the other day. He was searching for my pulse but he couldn't find it (probably b/c he killed me inside) and he had to show me the ropes at rehab and follow me around and watch as i do my exercises. I'd feel sexier if i didn't have oxygen strapped to my face every fucking second - but crap, damn, he's hot! *falls over*

I really look forward to these rehab excursions so i can see him, and i won't lie i think he enjoys me. He does laugh at what i say, like today when I was on the bike (which is not crotch friendly btw) and he said that the bike shouldn't have tension for my b/c on Monday it did and there were about 7 minutes when i was huffing and puffing and my sats were in the mid 80's and my heart rate was up to 150. He said, "We don't want what happened Monday to happen again.." and i said, "Like when I almost died?" and he looked at me and laughed and it was completely gorgeous and i could have spanked him - but that's sexual harassment so i have to refrain and keep my hands to myself.

My friend told me to "do it!" and followed it by saying, "just so you know that was peer pressure" but I choose to view it as support. Spanking isn't right so I will have to wait and come up with a more less obvious way to get his attention and lure it away from my nasty oxygen strapped to my goddamn face dealio.

Oh interns......mmmmmmmmmm *smile*

Needless to say having a hottie biscottie at rehab definately motivates me go and do my best and look hot. And when i work out too hard I know who's arms I can faint in..................:)

What else? I went to a support group. It was good. It took 3 hours to get home tonight b/c some fucking tractor trailer thing just had to roll over on the highway and back traffic up all the way to hell. That was a pain in the ass - literally. Luckily I ate a sub before i got to the bus depot so my belly was stocked up on food to sustain me on the long ride home. Actually, I think i fell asleep at some point and started making weird noises with my mouth wide open, b/c when i woke up the woman sitting beside me was gawking at me with an incredibly offended look on her face.

I don't think I was having a sex dream or anything like that so lord knows what made her so shocked. Oh well.

What else have I been doing? Nothing really. That's about all. I've made some friends at TGH which is awesome possum. Since i posted the link to the Trillium Gift of Life Network site 3 people have been transplanted, so now 51 people are waiting for lungs.

WAY TO GO DONORS! YOU'RE LIFE SAVERS! LITERALLY!!!

Ok i'm off to dream of McIntern.....mmmmmm

Day 8 of being listed!