Bree C and the Vindication of the Rights of Lung Disease

No no, i'm not copying Mary Whollstencraft and her epic 19th century literary works, I'm merely announcing here that I've been vindicated and emancipated from lung disease and all that tied me to it: I GOT RID OF ALL THE OXYGEN SHIT THAT RESIDED IN THE HOUSE!

WOO FUCKEN HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To say that i'm pretty stoked is a massive understatement. To say that as soon as Miguel left with The Monster in tow that I ran up the stairs, danced at the top, screamed, spun in a circle, jumped up and down, screamed some more, is 100% accurate but still does not encapsulate the excitement and utter freedom and elation that i'm feeling. To feel the excitement course through your body is pretty rediculous. I feel like i must contain myself but in doing so i just may pop b/c there's so much. I'm trying to reserve some for Halloween but even still, that excitement is backed up b/c i've been excited for Halloween since ever (it keeps me up at night, i won't lie.)

But yeah - Oxygen Emancipation. Pretty exciting. Remember when I started it back in June 2007....wow....so long ago. It's pretty crazy. Part of me is afraid the ball will drop and i'll need it or something but I know that I can't think like that. I think it's just fresh on the brain since i know a lot of ppl going through shit and it's hard to ignore it. Yesterday saw the Vindication of the Rights of Old Medication: aka, I got rid of pulmo, tobi, advair, spiriva, the old PEP mask that i hated so damn much. All of it. Out and away, forever! GAH! So strange.

No saddness today though. Miguel told me in all friendliness that he hopes to never see my face again, but to have a good Christmas. I told him the same. Today was the first time he allowed himself to admit that he hated my dogs, which made me feel good b/c it's something i've been speculating with for the last 2 years. They just bark at the poor guy relentlessly even though he never really came in the house. Oh well. No more O2 fill ups, calls for tubing, nebs, and all the hoards of other shit that comes with falling down the lung disease rabbit hole. B/c in all truth, you really do fall down a hole - a hole which just gets deeper and deeper the sicker you become. It's a long process that i hope to never go through again. I hope no one has to go through it, b/c it sucks.

It strikes me as bizarre to sit here at 24 years old and say that i've been through lung disease. I survived lung disease. I walked into the room at 17 and walked out the doors finally at the age of 23.

That's a long fucking time.

I paid my dues to illness and now what? Now what do i do? Now i have to become a 'normal' person and i'm not quite sure how to go about it. Being freed from the clutches of illness is just weird, b/c for the longest time, it's who i was.

Tres weird.

Well, enough philosophical stuff. Today i should really get off my ass and make some phone calls and arrange some appts with my local docs. The kicker is, i can't bring myself to do it. I kind of just want to sit here. In all fairness I have left the house. I rewarded the loss of oxygen with an impromptu trip to McDonalds. I ran out the door - RAN. I flew like there was a rocket attached to my ass and sped to McD's. It's been a long time, and it was wonderful. Yay.

Ok that's enough for today.