4 months and 1 GI test later...

May i have the attention of the classroom please?

I have an announcement to make.

*drum roll please*

*SUSPISCIONS CONFIRMED* I DO NOT HAVE A SWALLOWING PROBLEM!

SWALLOWING ABILITY IS NORMAL!!!!!!

*flash lights*

*squints towards AMY and her dirty, dirty mind down in Penn.*

Anywho, so yes, I had my GI test today, and while it was different and I am in a lot of unpleasant gassy pain right now, I am elated to announce to the world that my ability to carry food from my mouth, through my esophagus into my gut is completely and utterly normal (save for 'mild reflux' which i was assured is normal).

WOO HOO!

And, I managed to not go to rehab by stating that it would be busy (what with it being closed on Monday due to Labour Day) and I made a conscious effort to wear heeled sandles (after being told again by a physio person that i would get shin splints if i kept not following their orders to wear runners and not my preferred sandles *huff*). All around it was a good day to boot with so many things going my way. YAY!

So yes, we got to the test early. I had to change (of course, ALWAYS) and waited.

And waited and waited and waited. At 10am i was called into the little room, where a nice technician came up and was informing me that he was looking at my latest chest x-ray, and was marvelling the scarring in my airways and the damage to my lungs. He eyed me speculatively and I casted out my spidey senses and knew he was wondering how I was in fact breathing, what with les lungs being so shoddy and all.

He told me the test was standard for all pre-lung tx patients. He asked me if i had CF and i said no, Bronchectasis, and he shocked me by finishing off my spewl by saying "from recurrent infections..." and i found myself smiling at the little Asian man. Then he commented on my pager and said he had the same one, so I fed him some BS and joked, "I'm a doctor."

"Hahaha......Really?"

"Oh yeah why else would I have a pager?" *sincerely hoping he knew people awaiting tx's carried pagers with them at all times...*

"What floor do you work on?"

*shock and awe...then realizes that back of gown is open and everything is suddenly completely awkward*

"I'm kidding"

*silence*

With that the little man told me to go stand on this giant magnetic thing that looked like it was from space. I stepped onto the platform and wondered how much the thing was worth. $30 million? Less? More? How much does a giant rotating magnet cost? Must ask in most tactful manner next time...

The instructions were as follows: I was to put a medicine cup full (or as us cheap university students know them as: shot glasses) full of carbon sprinkle things (like pop rocks!) into my mouth. I was NOT allowed to swallow until told to do so. Once swallowed, I was to take a plastic shotglass full of water. Once both of these were accomplished, I would feel my stomach expand and I did. I was informed that I was not allowed to burp. I had to hold it in.

As my stomach expanded with gas i had to face certain ways as the magntic thing moved up and down and took pictures. Then, little asian technician brought me a 'milk shake' (liar!) and I had to take a sip, but not swallow until told to do so. I again had to turn and go into certain directions as magnetic pics were taken. The stuff had the consistency of a McDonalds milkshake and tasted like chalk. In the end, I ended up drinking 2 of these things.

The magnetic space thing moved. I was told to grab on as the thing lifted off the ground and went backwards, and i ended up laying on my back as more pics were taken. Once laying i had to drink water. It took about 20 minutes total and wasn't completely horrible.

I asked the technician how everything was. He said it was normal and that while i had mild reflux, it didn't pose a problem b/c it didn't go towards my lungs. WEEEEEE! Then i commented on the fact that my doc said i didnt swallow food right - that my esophagus didn't move in waves - so he said, "lets find out". He yelled at the other techie over his shoulder, "BRING ME A MARSHMELLOW!" and at once a marshmellow was brought to me in a plastic shotglass full of the 'milkshake'. It was coated and dipped and i put it in my mouth with a spoon, and had to hold it there with some extra 'milkshake' and waited until instructed to swallow the thing whole.

And i did. And it went down down down down...down into my belly. I had to swallow some more and everything was fine. He said i may need to have some extra drinks with me when i eat but that was normal.

I left the test clutching my clothes and feeling very happy. I was afraid prior to the test that they would find something horribly wrong, and something drastic would have to be done to save my state of swallowing, and that whatever measures were taken, that my state of digestion would be greatly altered and in the end I'd end up morbidly obese and extremely unattractive.

But alas people, I left with a state of conviction that my gut feeling was right all along! And i also left with the 'milkshake' coating my lips, making me look like I had either a bizarre case of frostbite or that I was frothing at the mouth from rabies...

It was a good day!