Put to a halt

Funeral arragements for Howard have been put to a hault.....what since the disappearance of his body and all.

Last weekend when my dad cleared the pond, there was no sign of Howard. He thought maybe he had sunk to the bottom of the pond or something....but is now leaning towards the idea that something came along and well.....ate him (like that bastard ferrel bird who swooped down and ate our fish when we were away at my uncles funeral in August). So needless to say, I cannot perform a funeral while the body is MIA.

It's true, I've sat at my window and peered into the backyard, looking for a spot where i could dig a small plot (too lazy to dig 6 feet - we were gonna do 6 inches) and maybe nail a marker together but that cannot happen now that I do not have a body. So instead Howard is buried in my mind....tho I'd prefer to have him alive:(

What else? Hauled ass to rehab today. Walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes, did some arm bike thing, did a stationary for 2 minutes before my legs crapped out and I wanted to fall off like an invalid and lay on the floor and demand to be scooped up and carried to the nearest chair. I walked the hall twice and did stairs 4 times.

Lowest O2 sats were 88 and highest heartrate was...........156 me thinks. The liquid O2 arrives tomorrow and my RT called both my phone and my cell to inform me she'd actually be here - but i was too lazy to call back and confirm the call.

B/c I'm a horrible person.

But that's ok - I can accept that about myself.

What I cannot accept though, are some things I've had said to me recently. A while ago someone basically insinuated that had my compliancy been a little better than it sometimes is, I would not be in this situation - that needing a tx and getting this condition is essentially my fault. Apparently life is just a game and this is all shits and giggles.

Fucking people sometimes.