Crap

Blah.

Today's entry is brought to you by crap. Everything is crap - not as in useless crap - but crap as in "this sucks" kind of crap.

You may be wondering why there is a picture of my cats? Well, i dunno why, i felt like posting a picture of them together b/c i just love them that much. Heidi is the one with her eyes open, and Zoey has her eyes shut b/c she doesn't like looking into the camera for fear that her soul will be stolen.

It feels like everyone i talk to is doing stuff besides school - they work, they volunteer, or they go out and have fun AND go to class. Me? I sit on my bum and scratch it. I go to school twice a week b/c my classes all fall on Tues and Thurs, so on those two days, i have 4 classes. I dropped my night class b/c it was a complete bore. But when i hear about my friends volunteering and doing work for this and that organization, I can't help but feel that they are going somewhere in life and I am just living at home with mummy and daddy until i get better. I certainly hope that once i am healthy I get my energy and drive back and will want to do stuff, coz right now I don't really want to leave the house if i don't have it. I feel like I am mentally capable of so much but physically capable of so little. I feel like a snail, or a clam, or a lobster. I have a thick shell with stuff that wants to get out and do things but there is a major wall in my way.

Blah.

Fuck.

CRAP.

I hope that i will actually go somewhere in life after this is done - but i guess it is only natural to have moments like this where you question yourself.

Oh rationalization, please come back...

Happy birthday mum!