Everyone's fat

Of all the horrible things in life people fear, it's not war, it's not divorce, it's not dying, and it's not being left soley to your own devices: it's being fat.

If you take a picture on a cloudy day, and it looks like a storm will come, you don't worry if a tornado will spontaneously spawn from the sky: you hope to God you don't look fat.

When you go to a funeral or a wedding, or back to school, you don't worry about if you have enough money for things or how you will get there: you hope to God you don't look fat.

And when you go on a new medication to help with an infection, or allergies, or anything (like transplant!) you hope to god you won't get fat!

I honestly beleive that the number 1 reason people don't take certain medications is b/c one of the side effects may be weight gain. God forbid you die - you can handle that - as long as you don't get fat you'll risk it. Who cares if you grow chin hair and develop spider veins on your face. If it keeps you from developing a triple chin you'll take it.

I sit here wrestling over recent picture of myself, as well as what my future holds. I have gained about 10 lbs b/c i needed to, and upon viewing these pictures i feel like i look a little chubby. I know i'm not; clearly i had to gain weight, but i guess since i am so used to looking gaunt and drawn-out a little flesh makes me feel like a tub. I am also worried that post-tx i will balloon up from the prednisone, which is very superficial of me. I know however that it will taper off so i will stop thinking about it...

For now.

Point being, everyone is fat. You may not actually be fat, but odds are you're feeling a little pudgy and your face looks slightly swollen, maybe you've packed on a few or stayed in the sun for too long.

I wish weight gain and fatness weren't such a feared thing in society. I'm sure there are worst things....